memorial weekend fun?

31 August 2008

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steve, asher and i went to my in-laws sailing club yesterday for a picnic. when we got to the club, my in-laws had already spread the spread all over 2 tables. they had all this super yummy food plus burgers to grill. we put asher in his new swim diaper to see if he'd like a float in the water, which he didn't. i think it was too cold. so we swung a bit on the swings and let him feel the grass under his toes and then brought him back over to the group when all of a sudden a member came up to us to tell us a story.

she said that yesterday while at the club, her son came up to her to tell her there was a glassy eyed woman at the end of the dock that just seemed sad. they decided to leaver her alone even after hearing a scream before they left. the next morning, saturday, they came back to the club to see the woman's shoes still there. she decided to call the police. supposedly a women had walked away from her family the same day from a salvation army right next to the club...

all of a sudden, police and dive teams started to show up at the club. and then a family...and then there were screams and sobs and here we were sitting around a picnic table having 'fun' when a family just heard the news of their mothers death...and her body was in the water about 50 feet from us...it was all so surreal. do we leave? do we stay? do we go up and offer our condolences? what do we do?

the family was right there. not 15 feet from us. crying, talking to the cops...the divers had found the body a mere 50 feet away...she was there, right there...and we were suppose to eat and be happy? we could hear the sobs, one daughter threw up, outside her car from the grief...and here we were, sitting around a big table of food...

to top it off there were people arriving at the club to do the same thing we were doing...not knowing what happened we tried to quietly tell them the news. but they didn't seem to care much. they would talk all too loudly about the incident when the family was still present. and then the strange thing...they stayed and brought their kids out and let them swim not 50 feet from where the police were, or play in the sand box not 10 feet from the family as they talked to the cops. kids were playing as a family was crying and talking to the cops.

we were in this sticky situation of...do we now leave? do we quietly pack our things and leave, or do we quietly sit here and wait...but these people knew before they unloaded themselves and their belongings...they knew before they spread out their picnic tablecloth...they knew before letting their children out...

after the family left they brought the body out. they brought her down the dock and through the clubs property. she was wheeled right by us, past 2 little boys playing...one boy was obviously affected. why did the parent even allow this? if asher was older there would be no way we would have stayed. i felt bad staying already. and why didn't the cops close off the club anyway? why didn't they make it a crime scene?

to top it off, right after they removed the body and the police left, parents took their kids out to the dock and swam right where they just pulled a dead women out of the water. the whole thing was creepy and sad and horrible.

i can't stop thinking about the family. how horrible they must feel. how sad. it was just so sad. and here we were celebrating life as one family grieved death.

asher week 11 photo montage

29 August 2008

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my medicine chest

when asher got sick, many women told me to squirt some breast milk up his nose...i thought it sounded silly, but i did some research on it and it seems i've got 2 medicine cabinets located right on my torso! from pink eye to ear infections to scrapes, breast milk can be used to soothe and heal. if interested check out this article on mothering.com or check out this page on more things you can do with breast milk.

the more research they do on the benefits of breast milk, the more amazing they find it to be. i think it's so cool that God gave us this amazingly cool ability to nourish our babies, let alone use it to heal ourselves and our children. so cool!

tears of joy

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there are currently 2 books i cannot get through without crying, when i read them to asher.

i bawl throughout these books. i don't know if it's the hormones or what but it's getting ridiculous. of course i stop and compose myself so asher doesn't see my tears but i'm sure he can hear the reflection in my voice. they're tears of joy and appreciation that God blessed us with our amazing living son. but i still feel silly because it happens every time i read them. seriously, i have a problem.

asher and i just took a bath and we finished off with a few books...these 2 books. ugh...

if you haven't read them and you have children...they're really great books...well, in my opinion they are, even if i do cry through them.

biz idea

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suzanne and i were talking earlier this week about baby carriers and how whenever we wear them, people ask us were they can get them. she suggested that i start an on-line biz to sell them, since no one in lansing currently sells them. my immediate thought was that it would be cool, but i didn't want to do it...but then i got to thinking...

here are my thoughts...

have a site...maybe joraisboutique.com to sell, initially baby carriers and a few other items. if things go well, i may add other items on the site like baby legs, diapers...but anyway...have:

  • baby carriers and other items...not sure what yet...maybe earth mama/angel baby products
  • Jorai's corner: to house neo-natal death info, resources and memory items.
  • babies on the block: to house local groups and on-line stores, maybe baby groups, local photographers...so local folks can find local resources...
  • ashers library: cool kids books...not the old standbys but the cool ones like the 3 questions, custard the dragon and the gift of nothing...
  • from 1 mama to another:i was thinking about polling all of you to see what you recommend to a new mama...something that either really helped you out or that you loved...ie nipple butter, a particular diaper or post-partem salve/tea.
  • mama swaps: a swapping area for local people to swap/sell their carriers/diapers/whatever.

but here's the cool thing...i could work with igive.com and give a certain percentage of my earnings to the national stillbirth society in memory of miss Jorai Mae.

not only would i potentially make a few extra dollars, but to have another platform to share Jorai's story and raise awareness of neo-natal death would be cool. also, being a mama, i can't tell you how many times i wish i knew about something... wouldn't it be cool to have a local area index of happenings, groups, classes...you name it. plus to be able to pimp my friends safe baby toys, diapers, photography, homemade invites....sites, would be so cool.

but i want your opinion. do you think an on-line store/awareness/local info site like that would be cool? i'm just in the initial thought processes here...but would love your opinion...and who knows maybe we'll be able to start selling the man boppy, night boobie and the baby bidet!

my big boy

27 August 2008

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the past few days i've noticed a change in asher. he's growing up. he's starting to get really good at being alone. of course he still looks for us and wants us near, but he's starting to self soothe and he's ok playing with himself. i can even put him to sleep awake and he'll fall asleep on his own. when he wakes, he's content at just looking around at his surroundings. it's not an instant cry when he wakes. and if i need to do something, he;s fine playing alone on his activity mat or just sitting in his vibe chair. he laughs at things on his own. it's so cool

he's also starting to get mad if we're not paying attention to him when he wants to show us something...but as soon as we look his way, he's a bowl of laughs. it's like he's saying, 'hey guys!! check out what i can do!...hello..look over here please!'

i never knew that parenting would be so rewarding yet so guilt ridden as well... yesterday he had his first freak out that i couldn't control. i tried to rock him, nurse him, take him outside, stand and sway him, shush him...nothing worked. and then a friend picked him up and he immediately stopped and fell asleep. i was grateful, but the guilt hit...as if i couldn't console my child but other people could. which i know is silly. sometimes they just need a change of scenery...but it still tugged a bit. i need to let it go.

he's just changing so much. he's getting so big and intelligent. he's his own little person, not just a little eater and pooper and sleeper...he's funny and smart and so cool.

i love being a mama to a earthly baby.

beautiful, beautiful, beautiful...beautiful boy

26 August 2008

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close your eyes,
have no fear
the monsters gone,
he's on the run and your mama's here,

beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Boy

before you go to sleep,
say a little prayer,
every day in every way,
it's getting better and better,

beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy

out on the ocean sailing away,
i can hardly wait,
to see you to come of age,
but I guess we'll both,
just have to be patient,
yes it's a long way to go,
but in the meantime,

before you cross the street,
take my hand,
life is just what happens to you,
while your busy making other plans,

beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy,
darling,darling,darling asher.

adapted from beautiful boy (darling boy) by john lennon

amazing

my son has been sleeping in his crib for 2 hours now! 2 HOURS! his normal naps are usually 30 minutes, an hour if i'm lucky. never 2 hours! wow...i'm amazed...the problem is that i'm about to explode! so do i wake him? or let him sleep?

i'll give him another 20 minutes or so...

2 HOURS!!! wowza! maybe moving him to his crib is a good thing...

routine

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all last week, asher was sleeping so well. he would wake twice a night after sleeping 3-4 hours. it was wonderful. i felt as if i were normal. i had energy and my eyes didn't feel ready to bug out of my head. it as lovely.

then sunday hit. he pulled a 3 hour stint, then 2, then 1. he woke at 12, then 2 and then 3. he was up from 3-5ish when steve finally took him. which i felt bad about since he had to work, but i was at my 'i'm losing it' stage. completely knackered. i couldn't function. i was at the crying phase and just broken. but when steve took him i was able to sleep from 5-7:30, that saved me. it's hard when i get to the 'i'm losing it' phase...i start questioning my ability to parent. which i know is wrong. i know i'm a good mama...but in the moment, i feel as if i'm the worst mama in the world. i can't even get my sleepy child to sleep.

last night he pulled a 3 hour stint then a 2hour 40min stint and then a hour 1/2 stint. i nursed him and steve took him at 6. i feel better today, but still sleep deprived.

i miss the 4 hour schedule. we haven't changed anything, so i'm not sure what the problem is. i'm feeling sleep deprived. thankfully, i have nothing to do today except hit target and sams and then go to a going away party @ 6 tonight...so there will hopefully be naps and relaxation galore today.

i need to get my child to sleep longer. i don't have grandiose plans of him sleeping an 8 hour stretch, though that would be brilliant! just 4 hours...maybe 5...that's all i ask...4 hours. please give me 4 hours. please.

Asher week 10

24 August 2008

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the one draw back to raising a chunk

22 August 2008

are all the rolls. which i love. i love seeing my son gain new rolls. they're so cute. he's such a brut...but lately i've been smelling a bit of a stench coming from his way. i thought it was his cheek and neck from where milk and spit-up dries and starts to stink...so i washed them really well...or so i thought.

he has like 4 chins right now and tons of little neck rolls and since he doesn't stretch out his neck for me to wash it well, i guess gunk gets in there and starts stinking up my lovely lil' boy. i saw some white crusties in there today and it was rank! ugh. gross... later as he was practicing standing, he rose his neck and lifted all his rolls only to show me a pile of white crust lining the last roll. super gross!

so how do i clean his little neck without strangling him? i need to find a way, because it doesn't smell very nice and i miss my sweet smelling boy!

i do love all his little rolls though. he's just so darn cute.

grief

my friend beth posted this and i thought it was so tragically beautiful that i had to repost it.

I had to post this heartbreaking story.. it's about a mama gorilla in Germany: All mamas who lose their babies grieve.. even gorillas. So are we all that different from gorillas? Maybe we should post signs like they did at the zoo so that when we're grieving people are more understanding?

Photobucket

A gorilla at a zoo in the German city of Muenster is refusing to let go of her dead baby's body several days after it died of unknown causes. The gorilla at a German zoo has been carrying around her dead baby since he died last week. Allwetter Zoo spokeswoman Ilona Zuehlke says the 3-month-old male baby died on Saturday but its 11-year-old mother continues to carry its body around. Zuehlke says such behavior is not uncommon to gorillas. Zuehlke says the mother "is mourning and must say goodbye." The mother gorilla is named Gana. Signs were posted near Gana's enclosure Wednesday to explain the situation to visitors. A staff member is also present to answer questions. The baby was named Claudio and was Gana's second baby. She had a female baby in 2007 that now lives at the Stuttgart Zoo.

little miss Jorai

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i've been thinking lately about how i can include Jorai on our correspondence...like birthday, Christmas, thank you cards...when you have a family, most cards are from the whole family, but how do you include a child that's no longer living? how do i include and honor a child i love so much, without making people sad or uncomfortable? before asher, i didn't feel the need to include her name, but since we now include asher on our correspondence, i feel like we're ignoring our sweet Jorai Mae. like she's not a part of our family. and that makes me sad.

i'm thinking of including a small heart before ashers name. something that i'll know what it means, but others may just think it's a heart. just something small to recognize Jorai's life. to recognize her as still being a part of our family, as a big sister and daughter who's dearly loved and missed.

i know it may sound silly, but to me, it's just another way to keep Jorai alive in our hearts and minds. things like this are such a slippery slope...i know there are times i make people uncomfortable and other times people make me feel uncomfortable. i have to remember that all people hold onto memories differently...we all deal with loss differently and we all hold things dear to us differently.

my mom wears a necklace with metal kids that represent all her grandchildren. one of the meta kids is a little baby with a halo that represent Jorai. my niece likes to point that one out and proudly exclaim that the one with the halo is her baby cousin Jorai. it breaks my heart, in a good way, every time. this summer, my mom painted the side of the woodshed, that holds the tree fort. she wrote all the grand kids names on it. Jorai's was not written. that broke my heart, in a bad way. though i know she meant nothing by it...it's only the little things i have to hold onto now. like the small heart placed before ashers name in the correspondence we send out.

it may be small, but to me, it's such a big thing.

i sure miss my little girl.

an outing

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i led girls only last night. usually i bring asher with me to the meeting, but since i gave the message, i didn't want to be taking care of him and concentrating on my message at the same time. so i left him home with steve. for 2 1/2 hours. alone. no mama.

this was the first extended time i've left him. it was hard at first...and then it was ok. he was fine of course. it was wonderful to get home and nurse him though. not only to relieve the tata pressure, but also just to have the closeness with my son.

i can't completely describe the joy of breast feeding. the bond you create with your child, the closeness. i just love it. i love the fact that he wants my undivided attention. i love hearing his little grunts and swallows. i love that he sticks his hand down my cleavage or places an open hand on my chest or throat and he wraps his other hand around my ribcage as if holding on for dear life. i love the way his breath smells as he nuzzles into my neck when he's full or the warmth of his little body if he falls asleep while nursing. i love knowing that i'm giving him all his nutrition. i love knowing that i always have the one thing he loves most.

it was nice to be away for a few hours...but it was really nice to get back home to my boy(s). maybe we'll find a sitter for our anniversary in september...i know we need to get some alone time...it's just hard for me to be away from my son...i just can't get enough of him. maybe it's because we lost Jorai...maybe it's not...i just know that right now, i love spending all of day with him. i just can't think of anything cooler than being a parent.

my hood smells like crap

there are no farms close by, but the air outside smells like cow crap. it sucks. i want to open the windows, but all i smell is crap. it's quite yucky.

barb byrum

20 August 2008

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barb byrum came to my house today. i'm not sure what she really wanted. she asked me about asher and if he had any other siblings...we talked about children and said if i ever needed anything to send her an email. i said 'you can do something about stillbirth.' i started telling her how there isn't any legislation for stillbirth in michigan. that we don't get official birth certificates and because of that our babies statistics are never sent to medical studies, there is no research nor studies regarding stillbirths. she said that she does a lot for sids, but doesn't do much for stillbirth. i forgot to tell her that there are around 30,000 stillbirths in the US every year, a rate 7-15 times the sids rate. i think i'll email her about that.

playboy

in the mail today was an offer made out to my husband from playboy offering him 12 issues for $12...plus a free nude celebrities dvd. the bastards.

sorry. but i hate porn. i loathe it. it hasn't creeped into our marriage, only by the grace of God, but it has affected us both prior to marriage.

i know some people think that a little ounce of porn is innocent, that it might even spice up your marriage. i believe it's one of the many pitfalls a marriage can fall into, crumbling it to pieces.

and now i have playboy knocking on my marriage bedroom door?!? the offer has 5 pictures of huge breasted, scantily clad sex kittens on it. so even if steve saw it and threw it away, he would have gotten a great viewing. i don't know why this makes me so mad...maybe it's because we've already fought these demons, so to see them try to enter our marriage frustrates me...maybe it's knowing that these women are being taken advantage of, that they were probably hurt by some man in the past to sell themselves out like that, maybe it because the bodies of these women are something i'll never attain and the fantasies they provoke pervert God's plan for my marriage bed...maybe it's just the fact that most boys, most men are introduced to porn not by their searches, but by pop up windows or mail offers.

ugh. i hate porn. i hate playboy. i hate the fact that there are probably thousands of men receiving that same offer in today's mail and contemplating it. it truly makes me sad. and mad.

an end to this day

18 August 2008

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steve is finally home. i was starting to go wacky. i love my son and i'm so glad i stay home with him, but there are times i want to lock myself in the bathroom and turn on the shower so i don't hear him cry. and he's a great baby! but on a day like today with very little sleep and him nursing every hour and a half or so, i'm was starting to lose it.

it's been one of those days where i never got dressed, until i broke down to take him on a walk, i brushed my hair but it still looks like butt, my teeth are nasty, every time i got the chance to make something to eat by the time it was done, asher was wailing, i'm exhausted, emotional and wanting some adult interaction but was too exhausted to leave the house. in fact right before steve came home someone rang the doorbell and i got so excited because i thought it might be a friend or neighbor, but it was some holt football player trying to sell me something to raise money. what a bummer!

but now steve's home and i get to work on my message and blog and maybe brush my teeth before going to bed...which i'm dreading if it's anything like last night. i hope i get some adult interaction tonight as well. a good conversation would be wonderful. it's so hard to even talk at times when you have a 10 week old child in your house. i miss talking and laughing with my husband!!

days' like this make me seriously think about having another child. i don't know if i could do it. if i had a day like this and had a 2-3 year old to take care of. oye! this stay at home mom thing is tough stuff. amazingly wonderful and fulfilling and i wouldn't change it for the world, but it's tough stuff! i think it's gotta be the hardest job out there.

steve's outside with asher. the house is quiet. i'm alone. it's the first time today i feel relaxed. i hope tonight is calm and asher sleeps better and i hope tomorrow we can get out and enjoy the day.

a cautionary tale

tonight, while trying to appease my extremely fussy son, i took him on a walk. which be glad that you didn't run into me since i look like death with the now mere 4 hours of sleep i've attained today, but who's counting..on said walk a little girl on a bike yelled a happy little hello in my direction. i noticed that this little girl was riding her bike in a wet bathing suit and immediately, my memories were filled with a warm summer night when my family took a bike ride down in the flats of big rapids.

thankfully the flats, which was a neighborhood in the lower area, near the river, was close to the hospital, because not unlike the little girl tonight, i was riding my bike in a wet bathing suit. i was up ahead and was turning my head around to laugh at my family when i fell off. i was 7ish. let's just say the wet lycra and the plastic seat didn't mix well as one butt cheek flew off the seat while the other one was cemented to the plastic banana seat. in medical terms, i game myself an episiotomy. this moment was cemented in my mind. when my father came to lift me up from my sobbing state, he saw the blood and ran home to get the car. they had to numb me before they could stitch me up...there we a lot of shot's involved. it was painful. i remember it well.
my brothers said they heard me screaming from outside, it's a very small hospital!

so yeah, i just want to caution all you parents out there. don't let your young ones wear a wet bathing suit while riding a bike. it's not fun when you fall off.

and sorry for the super personal insight into my anatomy. but i had to caution you.

rolling with the punches, but still bummed

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today is riv's strategic planning retreat day. it's the one day each year that all of the staff and ministry leaders spend the day together. it's my first year going and i was super stoked about it. i made sure everything was ready last night so all i had to do was get dressed, eat, nurse asher and get out the door. i had the stroller in the car, the diaper bag packed, both mine and asher's outfit ready...and then some thing came over my son and he decided to stay up all night.

he went to bed early and i was so excited. he fell asleep on the papasan around 9. at 10:30, steve and i brought him upstairs and he immediately woke up. so i nursed him and he fell back asleep by 11. he woke back up at 12. i nursed him and he fell back asleep only to wake back up at 2 where he decided to stay up until 5:30ish. i brought up the vibe chair and put him in that...i'm not sure if he fell asleep or i just blocked him out until 6:!5, but i was able to get about 30 minutes of sleep in...that made a whopping 2 and a half hours. steve took him downstairs at 6:30 and brought him back up at 7:20, asleep, for him only to wake back up was soon as he walked into the bedroom. he's been up ever since...it's 10am. he must be over tired by now. i finally decided to put him in his swing and he's just started to flutter his eyes.

needless to say, i'm wrecked. 3 and a half of interrupted sleep and being sick on top of that makes one discombobulated little wife. i'm in a fog. a haze. and the biggest bummer is that i'm sitting in my house and not at the riv retreat. there was just no way that i could drive to the retreat and function all day, both participating in planning and taking care of asher. i'm just so bummed. i knw all things happen for a reason and that there must have been some reason i wasn't suppose to go this year, but i'm still bummed. and exhausted. my head feels like it's 50 lbs and my eyes are burning. and while i feel this way, my son is smiling and cooing at me. how can i be frustrated with such a happy little boy sitting next to me?

steve's coming home for lunch so i can get another hour of sleep
in. what a wonderful husband i have!

i pray that the retreat is amazing. that every one is working together and thinking up huge dreams and just really coming together as one unified team. i wish i could be there guys.

steve's blog

16 August 2008

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steve just posted this on his blog and i loved it so much i had to post it here too...enjoy

Lately I've been noticing how intense Asher's focus is on me. His world is completely Kim's and my world. On a few occasions his focus on me has been mesmerizing. I feel frozen. It's like he is peering into my soul. Maybe babies can do that because they don't have all the crap from this world clouding their mind. They are pure from the factory, nothing has corrupted them yet. They are functioning at a spiritual level that can never again be reached. Maybe in those times of my frozen state it's because deep down I feel Asher can somehow see my total being. And just like Adam and Eve all I want to do is run and hide. I only want him to know the good part of my world.

Asher week 9

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it's official

14 August 2008

my son has his first cold. poor little guy. still no fever and the doc doesn't think he'll get one. just the run of the mill cold. sounds worse than it is. though by the end of the visit, he did produce some lovely mucus poo and threw up mucus milk all over me. i'm glad he did it there so it didn't freak me out. if i would have seen all the mucus in his diaper or had he puked on me at home, i think i would have freaked out. i just feel so bad for the lil' bloke. his eyes are red, he's got boogers cloggin' his nose all up and he keeps chocking on the phlegm. poor little guy. all sneezy and coughy and boogery.

i got some saline drops for his nose and i'll try to snork some more boogers out with the nose snorker, but he hates it...as i would too...i do think he feels better after i snork him, but it's not a pretty process.

other than his sickies right now...his official weight is...drum roll please...

14 lbs 9 oz. which i think he's a bit heavier than that, but since he hasn't been eating that well since yesterday morning...he may have lost a few oz. he's gained 4 pounds in a month though. crazy.

he's also grown 2 inches. he's up to 25 inches long.

such a punkin'

charging elephants

my little boy has the crud. not sure what it is but luckily we already had his next checkup scheduled for today. he's all congested..only in his nose and throat. i don't hear rattling in his chest. thanks goodness! he hasn't had a fever and for the most part, he's acting pretty normal. laughing and such, but then he coughs or sneezes and it sounds like he has elephants stuffed up his little nose. he's not nursing well either. he'll only nurse on one side but he doesn't empty the breast. i pumped 3 oz off on side and an once off the other this morning after he nursed. poor little pumpkin.

of course i got very little sleep last night worrying about him. making sure he was breathing and such. i hope he gets over this quickly. it breaks my heart to see him sick.

i have a bit of a sore throat too...this is the first cold i've had since january 07 when i was preggers with Jorai. ugh!

our appointment is at 1:30...i'll let ya know what's up when we get home.

documentary night

11 August 2008

i'm not sure how to take this movie...what would jesus buy is listed under 'docu-comedy'...i know the reverend is serious...i think...and i think it may bring our over commercialism into the light a bit, but the guy seems to be a bit of a whack case...is that me judging him? guess if i have to ask that question, then i am...but why don't ya come on over to the newmans house this saturday at 9pm to watch this film...i think it'll stir up some great conversation to say the least.

as always, popcorn and drinks provided. bring snacks if you wish. asher and i may not be participating as we're trying to work out his bedtime routine and time...but come keep steve company!

here's the trailer. the film was produced by morgan spurlock...the same guy that did super size me.



and remember, we don't support all the ideals of the documentaries we show. so don't think we're losing our minds after watching this! it's kinda scary that i even have to preface this...i guess if you truly know us, you would already know that! any way, hope to see ya on saturday.


week 8 photo montage

08 August 2008

blessed

07 August 2008

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**mood:blessed
**noise:my sleepy babe, snoring

tuesday night was a rough one for me...i would say it was rough on asher too, but i think he was fine. he was awake and happy and enjoying ripping the silence out of the night air. i would have been really frustrated if his little smiling face wasn't so darn cute. i truly believe that's why God makes babies so cute. how can you get mad at a face like that, smiling up at you? he got up twice to nurse between 10 and 2 and was then up from 4-6am. (it didn't help that i feel asleep nursing him at 2:30ish). he then fell asleep for a bit at 6ish and then got back up.

needless to say, i was a bit wrecked. i napped in the morning when asher fell asleep, but i was still cattywhompas for the day. seeing everything through a hazy fog...steve felt my frustration when i took ash downstairs at 4am...after already being up with him twice for feedings...and i think he could see the haze in my eyes when he came downstairs at 7:20...

when he came home he had decided that he would start getting up with asher in the mornings, to give me a break! although i kinda feel bad about him waking on days he has to work, i was excited to try it...and hopefully this early waking won't last too long...

last night asher went down at 9:30. he woke to nurse at 12:30 and again at 2:30 and then again at 5...after he was fed and changed, he fell back asleep in my arms but then woke as soon as i laid him in bed. it was 5:40am. steve rolled over, tried to calm him but seeing he was a ball of smiles, he decided to bring him downstairs to let me sleep. i slept from 5:40-7:40...only 2 hours, but it was a lovely 2 hours and those mere few hours of extra sleep really made a difference. i'm sleepy today, but i can function and i'm not dragging.

then to top it off, there was a 'fresh' note on the french press...so when i go up, i had some fresh coffee waiting for me!

seriously, my husband rocks.

oh yeah, and then this morning, my friend tells me that i can have his old ipod for free!! i seriously feel totally loved and blessed today.

ipod woes

06 August 2008

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my ipod crashed. sadness. i've tried to restore it...nothing. it's totally corrupted. kaput. dead. silent. i'm sad.

so i'm looking for another mp3 player. i don't think i can justify purchasing another ipod right now. with me at home, we've had to redefine our expenses. which is normally fine and dandy, but on days like this, it's a bummer. i had just put a whole bunch of music on there for asher too, so when we're in the car and he's fussy, i have something other than npr to get him to sleep.

if you happen to have one you're thinking about getting rid of, let me know what you want for it. i'll probably buy one used or refurb...but i have to say...i'll miss my old school ipod. it was the first gen. one. all big and phat.

such a bummer.

the poop song?

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asher and i went to the library today to pick up a few cd's. i decided to look through the lullaby and children's albums. i actually found a few cool ones...one of radio head and another of smashing pumpkin songs turned into lullabies and a few called for the kids. there are 3. on the 3rd. there are songs by the great lake swimmers, anathallo (crazy huh?), barenaked ladies...and one of my fav bands, over the rhine. though the over the rhine song, kinda creeps me out. it's called the poopsmith song. here are the lyrics...you can here a snippet on itunes here

Not on your arm
Not on your leg
Not in the toast
Not in the eggs
Not on the carpet
Nor the linoleum
Just how'd your little brother get it smeared all over him

Poop in the potty, poop goes in the potty
x4

Not on your brother
not on your sis
not on any family member, you might wanna make a list

not on the plants
not in your hair
not on the porch
no, we do not want to share

Poop in the potty, poop goes in the potty
x4

Not on the swing
not on the slide
not while we're spinnin' on a carnival ride
not on the window
not on the wall
no more surprises on the light switch down the hall

hey!

Poop in the potty, poop goes in the potty
x4

Not in the yard
you're on your honor
don't go gettin' no ideas from the neighbors weimereiner

Poop in the potty, poop goes in the potty...

confirmation

01 August 2008

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i've started to attend birth center classes...which i highly recommend. i've been going to the le leche league meeting but then this week i went to the baby wearing meeting and today i went to the new mom meeting. at the new mom's meeting, i can't tell you how many mom's talked about wanting just a few hours each week for themselves and how hard it's been trying to figure out their days, like when and how t making meals, do the laundry, sleep...and how challenging it is to try and find the time to simply do the necessities like shower and brush your teeth.

thank you!!! at times i was starting to feel like a wimp. as if i'm just not good at this at-home mama thing!! i love it, don't get me wrong, i wouldn't want it any other way, but it's hard. a lot harder than i ever thought. one of the girls said to me how no one told her how hard staying at home would be. how demanding it is. and i totally agree. in fact people would ask me if i'd get bored! as if i have time to be bored!! i never knew it would be this hard.

i'm not complaining. i love being home. and steve has been amazing...if i don't get dinner done, we just graze, and he's ok with that. thank you steve!! taking care of asher is easy. of course i have meltdowns every now and then, but being him mama has been amazing...it's all the other little things that go along with being an at-home mama. the laundry, dinner, house cleaning, grocery shopping, paying bills, ministry things, showering...the list goes on and on...it's those things that unfortunately, some times don't get done. and that's ok...i just never thought it would be so hard to get everything done. i had grand schemes of doing things, starting projects and exercising and now, i just don't know where to fit them in.

i'll get the hang of things. i'll find a new rhythm to life...i just find it fascinating how so many women feel the same way and how no one told us how the little things become so hard...like finding time to go to the bathroom! i'm glad i went to the meeting. it truly made me feel less alone.