Sweet Asher memory

09 December 2010

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Sweet baby boy, your expression today as you sat pounding the drums while the girls ran upstairs to get away from the noise, was excruciatingly beautiful. As you sat there with a huge pout on your face, sad-sad puppy dog eyes and your hands pressed against each side of your bowed head, I realized just how much you love your music and want to share it with everyone.

You were so devastated that you couldn't even bring yourself to walk back upstairs, you wanted me to hug you and carry you up the stairs. You kept asking why your friends left and wanted them to come back down to play drums. You just couldn't understand how drums could ever be too loud.

Oh sweet boy of mine, I love you so! Please never lose your love of music and the need to share it with everyone!

potty boy

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Asher, I just wanted to post about how proud I am of you! We've been experimenting with the potty now for a few months. You like to climb on and 'toot' and then clap your hands, but it wasn't until last few weeks where you really started going.

At first, it was hit or miss. We weren't really trying full time, but occasionally we would put you on the potty, pour warm water on your dangly bits, per your request, and you'd go. Some times you would just sit there and push as hard as you could getting redder and redder n the face! That was funny. I always had to look down so you wouldn't see me laugh! But then Saturday hit and you went all by yourself...and then Sunday, all day you went with only 1 accident, which you felt the wet and then held it until the potty...since then, you've been dry! Both yesterday and today you even called out to me from a different room 'POTTY MAMA!!!!' and ran to the potty, pulled your pants down and went!

I know this is probably silly to post and in time you'll be embarrassed that I've placed it up here on the W.W.W., but for me, this is exciting. I think mainly, because you did this on your own. I wasn't hounding you or forcing you. It hasn't been a struggle or frustrating. And really, I'm just super proud of you. You're becoming such a big boy! You're so loving and nurturing...a little wild, extreme and rough, but your heart...it's solid gold my son. You ooze love and laughter and fun. And I'm just so proud of you. Way to go buster brown.

I love you, Mama.

sweet baby cookin' boy

06 December 2010

I've secretly, or maybe not so secretly, been putting you in the corner. I've tried not getting attached to the thought of you. I've tried to love you at a distance, as well as I can, since you're inside of me. I feel you move and hiccup, I see you wiggle and squint during ultrasounds, and I should be jumping up and down with excitement, but there's a part of me that pushes that feeling away.

But I want you to know. I love you. More than I want to admit. More than I want to let on. I'm scared. I'm petrified. Every. Single. Moment. I want you here. I want you in my arms, but I'm so afraid of how you'll come...how you'll be in my arms. Will you be a wiggly, warm, screaming little boy? Or will you be cold? Still? Pale? Blue?

Sweet baby boy, I've realized that I only have to wait 8 more weeks...give or take a day or two. 8 more weeks. You're nearly 32 weeks old...gestationally. You're low, really low. In my hips low...not engaged, but nearly there, kicking my bladder, rubbing my organs. You're pushing out with all your might and starting to get fed up with the outside pushes your big brother likes to share with you. And I just want you to know that I'm starting to let my fear fall away a tad. I'm starting to have hope. I'm starting to think, even though I know there's no 'safe week' or day for you, that maybe these next few weeks will be OK. Though my mind knows the 32 week mark is another high stilbirth week, I'm allowing myself to be hopeful.

I started cleaning out your room this weekend. I've moved in your dresser and Grandma and Grandpa brought your new bookshelf home. Asher even helped me fill it up with books and toys for you this morning. Before his nap, he brought up a box of books especially for you. He's so excited to meet you. Every day he tells me that he wants to play toys with you, read you stories and hold you. As soon as he sees my belly, he bends down to kiss you, he says 'baby!' in a typical grandma 'baby' voice. He rubs my belly and talks to you.

I just want you to know, I'm scared and worried and at times I try to not feel the love I have for you, but there's no denying it babe. I love you. With all I have. Your Papa loves you and your big brother loves you. We can't wait to see you and meet you and kiss you and get to know every inch and aspect of you. We're getting ready for you, my sweet little bean. We're so excited to meet you. Nobody puts baby in the corner.

Asher update

01 December 2010

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I feel as if I've slacked in the Asher update department so here's another installment.

  • You seem to get crazier and crazier every day! You crack me up and scare the daylights out of me each moment!!
  • You are still rocking the drum but have also fallen in love with the guitar. You're a natural and the moment you picked it up you knew how to hold it and strum and even rock star it out!
  • You also love to play the recorder which you call your 'horn' and march around the house with your big green foam MSU finger. You'll also just hold onto the recorder so you can 'sing' the MSU fight song. You go around and around and around the living room wall, marching like the marching band. You often ask Mama or Papa to accompany you. Sometimes you kick your legs up high like the drum major does. It's great to watch!
  • You're talking ton, so I won't list your words, but I do have some great Asher translations that I can never forget about...seat=dick. yup. Can't figure that one out. drum=um, guitar=car, drum sticks=d-ticks, Kara=caca, Bryan=Monee, Henry=Onee, wiggles=booty (I think because I say shake your booty or wiggle your booty), whenever you see a bee, you say 'bee-ow' (because you have to point to your finger and show that a bee will sting and it hurts, hot chocolate=hot doklet, flamingo=ingo, wwwwhhhhhhyyyyyy?, and last but not least, when you think something is yours you say 'my coco'. I have no idea where you got that one and can only assume you mean that it's 'your thing.'.
  • You answer most questions with nyes (yes), NO, Bo, apple or apple juice. When I squeeze your cute bum and ask 'who's bum is this?', you proudly answer 'BO's!'
  • You love to watch the Wiggles and Pooh. No longer do you want to watch your beloved PBS shows...now it's always 'Booty!' or 'Pooh!' You also like to watch 'bus' which is The Polar Express, 'no-man' (frosty the snowman) and Ho Ho Ho (Santa Clause is coming to town).
  • You love to say 'Come on!', or 'Do This!!!' before leaving the house. You're Papa taught you to say Let's Do This...Mama's not too excited about that one! You also tell us to 'come on!' when you want us to go somewhere and 'comin'!' when we're waiting for you somewhere.
  • You have to 'Do that too!' with every thing that gets done around the house. You're telling me that you want to do it and you push me away. 'No! I do it!'.
  • You have a robe that you cherish. Every night after your bath, you put it on, wrap it around your belly and strut to your room where you dance in front of your mirror. The whole time checking yourself out and smiling.
  • You're obsessed with your boo-boo's and Mama has to smother boo-boo butter over them.
  • You love to spray people with the hose. You even sprayed the neighbor with her own hose this summer!
  • You are starting to recite books and songs when Mama reads/sings them.
  • You go through phases with your songs...This summer Mama had to sing is the Bo song for every nap and bed time. Bo is a 'friend' of yours but you rarely hang out together and when you do, you fight, so we can't figure out the obsession...but there definitely is one. The Bo song is to the tune of I met a bear but goes 'I have a friend, his name is Bo. He is the coolest boy I know' 'We like to play at the park. We swing and run, and splash and climb'...sometimes we add that he has a sister and he's so nice and how you search for frogs and turtles... That song turned into a song about Johnny Poppers (just some crazy song Mama made up) and then Pooh Bear and Henry and Brian (Papa sings it to Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer) and now it's the Little Drummer Boy. But every nap...every night, we have to sing a particular song. If Mama doesn't listen to your pleading, you press your face against hers, so your lips, gums and teeth are pressing into hers and continue to ask for your song. It's so gross, but it cracks me up every single time.
  • You started sleeping in your big boy crib (crib with the front taken off and a small bumper to stop you from falling out) on 21 August 2010. That first nap was a little difficult, but ever since then you've been a champ. You stay in your crib for naps, never leaving the bed and at night, sometimes you'll climb out to get a book or toy, but then crawl right back into bed to play with it. It's been a super easy transition. In late October you got your big boy bed and you love it. Whenever Mama tries to climb in you complain and ask her to get off.
  • You're obsessed with Johnny Poppers, which for you is any tractor or riding lawn mower. Any time you see one, you scream 'Mama!!! Papa!!! J-Popper!!' We have purchased a few tractors for you and they're your prized possessions.
  • You love to read. Which is surprising since you are so active, but you'll sit for a long time if someone is reading you 'stories.'. You love Richard Scarey, Max Lucado and Nancy Tillman books. For as much of a wild man you are, you really surprise me every day with the amount of story telling you want. I love it!
  • You are a huge lover, but you don't know your own strength. At times you remind me of Hugo the Abominable Snowman. You can love something a little too rough. You like to give hugs by tackle. You like to give kisses by face smashing and you like to say hello by a swift smack on the buns or back. But you mean all the love you have when you do it...it's just a bit rough!
  • You LOVE your little brother and every time you see Mama's belly you exclaim, 'Baby!' and then press your lips against her belly, smooshing it in tight. You tell people that Mama has a baby in her 'tomach'. And you just can't give her tummy enough hugs and kisses, though we wonder what your reaction will be when your little brother actually comes into this world.
  • We think that you're starting to understand that you can't nurse anymore but the baby will. When Mama asks you what the baby will eat, you proudly exclaim 'baby nurse!'. When she then asks you if you'll nurse, you say 'No, suckers and apple juice!'. Now what we don't know is if you'll asks for suckers and apple juice every time the baby nurses!
  • You have just started to pout and you have the best grumpy face ever.
  • You're a bit dramatic son. You really are. If your shoe comes undone, you cry out and fall to the floor as if the world was ending. It's hard to keep a straight face.
You are 1o days from turning 2 1/2. I can't believe it. You bring me joy each and every day. We love you so much and can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring. You are going to be an amazing big brother. I love you baby boy.