half cooked
Today marks 20 weeks for me and peanut. I got to see the lil' gal (I think anyway) yesterday and it was such a joy. This pregnancy has been so weird for me. With Jorai, I was simply blissfully ignorant and then was shattered by her loss. With Asher I was neurotic and terrified every single day. I barely got to enjoy the pregnancy because I was always just so scared. But now, with this peanut...most times I forget I'm pregnant until I feel some squirmies or Asher knees me in the pregger belly and I feel a pang.
Thinking that I'm already 20 weeks along, kinda freaks me out. In 5 months, we'll be a family of 4 (5 in spirit). It won't be just Asher and I any longer during the days. When 5:30 hits, I won't have alone time for quite a few months, which is what I normally have....and mostly, I'll need to wrap my heart and soul around two living babies when right now, I can only imagine the love I have with Asher.
Don't get me wrong. I love this little one within me. I can't wait to meet her/him. But it's a different feeling than I had when I was pregnant with Jorai or Asher. I didn't have a living child at home in my previous pregnancies. It seems as if all I'm thinking about right now is Asher...my love for him, his laugh and words and personality and deviant nature. Every thing about him is amazing. Every thing about him is love.
Today he gave his baby doll 2 kisses. And the other day I caught him being gentle and stroking a friends baby's' leg and foot. I can't wait to see him with his sibling. I know it'll be a change...and it'll probably be a struggle for a bit since I can't even hold another baby without a complete meltdown...but I can't wait. I can't wait for them to play together and laugh and chase and fight, together. How amazing.
So, yes. My little peanut. I saw you yesterday and you were beautiful. Kicking and punching within your warm and cozy home. I relish the times I reach down and feel you move. Papa got to feel you a few nights ago. He's getting so excited to meet you too. We love you and pray that you stay healthy and strong and we look forward to hearing your sweet voice as you tell the world you're ready to conquer it. We love you peanut.
Thinking that I'm already 20 weeks along, kinda freaks me out. In 5 months, we'll be a family of 4 (5 in spirit). It won't be just Asher and I any longer during the days. When 5:30 hits, I won't have alone time for quite a few months, which is what I normally have....and mostly, I'll need to wrap my heart and soul around two living babies when right now, I can only imagine the love I have with Asher.
Don't get me wrong. I love this little one within me. I can't wait to meet her/him. But it's a different feeling than I had when I was pregnant with Jorai or Asher. I didn't have a living child at home in my previous pregnancies. It seems as if all I'm thinking about right now is Asher...my love for him, his laugh and words and personality and deviant nature. Every thing about him is amazing. Every thing about him is love.
Today he gave his baby doll 2 kisses. And the other day I caught him being gentle and stroking a friends baby's' leg and foot. I can't wait to see him with his sibling. I know it'll be a change...and it'll probably be a struggle for a bit since I can't even hold another baby without a complete meltdown...but I can't wait. I can't wait for them to play together and laugh and chase and fight, together. How amazing.
So, yes. My little peanut. I saw you yesterday and you were beautiful. Kicking and punching within your warm and cozy home. I relish the times I reach down and feel you move. Papa got to feel you a few nights ago. He's getting so excited to meet you too. We love you and pray that you stay healthy and strong and we look forward to hearing your sweet voice as you tell the world you're ready to conquer it. We love you peanut.
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