The dreaded appointment

Tomorrow I have my first post baby appointment. I'm not sure if they'll already have the test results back from Selah or not, but I'm nervous. I'm nervous to hear what our fate may be. We'll still need to do our genetic counseling, which is another big conversation we'll have tomorrow as well. It's just all so scary. I mean, could it just be a supplement that maybe I need to start taking? Could I really try to get pregnant again and have a successful pregnancy and delivery? Or is it fatal...Will nothing we do help? Is it just a girl thing? Or was Asher just a miracle baby? So many questions and they all seem so scary to me. So many of my hopes are riding on test results and doctor's opinions. I always thought that finding the right man to marry was the hard part...or maybe the getting pregnant part...now I'm realizing that for us, it's keeping our babies alive.

I'm just so nervous about tomorrow. So in an effort to really try to hold onto the positives in my life I think I need to make a list.

Things I'm grateful for:

1. Steve. Steve is seriously the most amazing man and husband I have ever known. He is so supportive and loving and gentle and patient. I am very blessed to not only call him my husband, but more importantly, my friend.
2. Asher. What a joy. What a breath of fresh air and what a bundle of love. He is fulfilling me in ways I never knew were possible. He's been a lifesaver.
   
3. Family. My family and Steve's family have been so supportive and so loving. Without them, I think we would crumble. At least, I know I would a bit.
   
4. Friends and blog followers. We are continually surrounded by letters and emails and texts and food and love and support. I never knew that we could feel so loved and supported.
   

So my list is short right now...and I know I should be grateful for so many more things, but for now, 4 is good.