blog redux

I was talking with a friend about this blog...how I used to keep it updated...how it helped me keep and organize my thoughts and really helped me travel through some dark and dangerous times.   It had been years since I laid my eyes upon it.   So I sat down on Sunday and looked back through my life.   I have to say there are pages I can't look at, there are pages that brought beautiful memories back and to be honest, it brought a ton of guilt because I found it filled with memories of Asher, ones I had previously forgotten about...and none of Greyson as he grew.   My last regular posts were in 2012...SO.MUCH.HAS.HAPPENED...Greyson is going into the FOUTH grade!   The last regular posts on him was when he was only 1!   So...much...guilt

In saying this, I really want to resurrect this blog.   I want to throw my musings out there, so I always have them.   I want to vent, with hopefully not many eyes on my words, because this world is becoming an extremely unsteady and unwanton place.   I want a place I can blow off steam so I won't implode...and mostly, I want a place I can post memories of my amazing kids...so alas...it begins, again.

I'll be more thoughtful in my next post.   Today here are the facts.  

Asher,   You're going into the 6th grade.   What?   You're 5'9" and wear size 13 shoes.  This is NOT OK.  You were supposed to stay my little-big man forever.   You are my broody, nonchalant, super caring, introverted, shy, abominable snowman.   Yup...still not knowing your strength or aggression...still not understanding that not everyone wants to be tackled or have the life squeezed out of them (though it’s always done out of joy and love).   You are annoyed VERY easily but are just as easily turned to laugher.  You are smart and determined and quick to anger.   You are a loyal friend and still would rather be playing outside than be inside any day of the week.   You are funny and thoughtful and when you decide to let us in, you are a joy to have deep conversations with.   You laugh is like the sun and warms my heart.  Your smile is infectious.  I worry about you.  More than you know.   I love you madly and you tolerate me most days...though I know you're just hiding how much you love me.  I can take it.   It is a pleasure watching you grow and learn and mature.   In ways I want it to stop...in others I can't wait for the next adventure.   You are so very important to me and I am uber proud of you.  

Greyson,  You're going into the 4th grade and I honestly can't believe it.   You are my forever baby and squishy snuggler.  You are literally always in either song or dance.   Always.   You create songs for literally everything you are doing.   I haven't decided if you do it to annoy Asher or make us all laugh.  Either way it's brilliant.   You are my gentle soul.  Always worrying about others, always wanting a hug...you still reach for my hand whenever we're walking somewhere and I still catch you holding hands with friends.   I love it.  I will be devastated when it ends.  You never shut up.   Your stories go on and on and on and you have to talk about everything.   When you leave the house you tell me goodbye at least 3 times and that you love me.   You ask for multiple hugs at bedtime and will wave at me from your bed with this huge smile plastered on your face.   You know how to make us feel loved and we are lapping it up.   You are crazy smart but lazy in your studies and that kill your father and I.   Put some effort in kid, you are brilliant.  You know all about the world, its' continents and countries and even most flags.   We check your knowledge on the googles because your dad and I don't even know the answers…you're nearly always right.   It's freaky.  You are our calm and steady in the midst of every storm.   You worry too much, love big and laugh tons.  You are a joy every day and are the sweetest, most kind soul I know.

The world right now is Crazy.  In so many ways.  People who I used to call friends have gone crazy.   There are people who think they are better than others because of the way they look, the color of their skin, their faith or who they love.   And yes, it's always been like this, but it's getting so bad.   So, so bad.   We have an absolutely horrendous atrocity running our country with a whole bunch of crazy cronies acting out in his name.   We have people who seriously think this pandemic we're in is a hoax!  As people are literally getting sick, having chronic complications and dying, they actually think it's a hoax.   It's crazy.  I have always known the human race is selfish, but we are really seeing just how selfish people currently are.  They nation is crazy and it's making me so nervous about your future.  I just hope the sane people are raising uber strong kids that will one day rule the world into a sane and amazing nation....more on all that later.   

Here's to a fresh start to this blog, that has sat idle for so long.  I hope I stick with it,  to at least give my boys insight one day, into the mind and heart of their mother.