29 weeks
Well, we made it. 29 weeks. It's far from over and my anxiety is still high, but we made it past 3 of the 4 high stillbirth weeks. 32 is next and the 'last' scary week...and well...I actually know tons of babies who were born still at term...some even over 40 weeks. So, I know with that knowledge, that I'll be a bundle of nerves until I hear a scream and feel a warm, slimy baby placed on my chest. But there's something about making it trough the 24th week and now the 28th week that's a bit refreshing.
Yesterday Steve's Aunt gave us gifts for the new baby. They are the first we've received. I've purchased a giraffe that makes noise and I have a muslin sleeper that I purchased for Selah, but other than that, I have refused to purchase anything. There's something about receiving these gifts for the new baby that makes it all so real. I sat upstairs today playing with the crib piano and feeling the new stuffed owls and giraffe...reading the book...and it hit me, the fact that I may actually be bringing a new little one home in my arms rather than a plastic box. I may get to read to him and kiss him and smell his warm skin. I may actually get my dream. I may feel the joy again.
This realization has made me want to start preparing. I mean, I'm nearly 10 weeks from having this child, and I've done nothing to the room. It's a mess. The closet is full of Asher's old clothes, the room is stacked with boxes and junk. And today, for the first time, I want to start thinking about cleaning it out, decorating it, putting the crib together. It feels so strange to me, to even have these emotions. I've tried to hold back my feelings. I've been trying not to get attached to this baby growing within me, but I'm now thinking about new born pictures and healing baths and newborn baby necessities. It feels so strange...but it's a feeling I welcome and it makes me a bit anxious and excited.
I'm 10 weeks 3 days from my 'due' date. And the time will fly with the holidays coming up. Am I ready? All along I've thought I'd lose this child too...maybe this time I won't! Maybe we'll get our dream fulfilled. Maybe through the loss, there will be joy. Maybe. I think it's time to let in the joy. Not be afraid of it.
Come on baby boy. Keep growing strong and healthy. Keep kicking me and making my abdomen as uncomfortable as you want. Give me heartburn and back pain, rib pain and sleepless nights, and push on my hip as much as you want. Just grow and thrive and take a deep breath, because I want to hear a big bellowing scream when you enter this world.
Yesterday Steve's Aunt gave us gifts for the new baby. They are the first we've received. I've purchased a giraffe that makes noise and I have a muslin sleeper that I purchased for Selah, but other than that, I have refused to purchase anything. There's something about receiving these gifts for the new baby that makes it all so real. I sat upstairs today playing with the crib piano and feeling the new stuffed owls and giraffe...reading the book...and it hit me, the fact that I may actually be bringing a new little one home in my arms rather than a plastic box. I may get to read to him and kiss him and smell his warm skin. I may actually get my dream. I may feel the joy again.
This realization has made me want to start preparing. I mean, I'm nearly 10 weeks from having this child, and I've done nothing to the room. It's a mess. The closet is full of Asher's old clothes, the room is stacked with boxes and junk. And today, for the first time, I want to start thinking about cleaning it out, decorating it, putting the crib together. It feels so strange to me, to even have these emotions. I've tried to hold back my feelings. I've been trying not to get attached to this baby growing within me, but I'm now thinking about new born pictures and healing baths and newborn baby necessities. It feels so strange...but it's a feeling I welcome and it makes me a bit anxious and excited.
I'm 10 weeks 3 days from my 'due' date. And the time will fly with the holidays coming up. Am I ready? All along I've thought I'd lose this child too...maybe this time I won't! Maybe we'll get our dream fulfilled. Maybe through the loss, there will be joy. Maybe. I think it's time to let in the joy. Not be afraid of it.
Come on baby boy. Keep growing strong and healthy. Keep kicking me and making my abdomen as uncomfortable as you want. Give me heartburn and back pain, rib pain and sleepless nights, and push on my hip as much as you want. Just grow and thrive and take a deep breath, because I want to hear a big bellowing scream when you enter this world.
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