would you know what else to do?

29 December 2005

when mike wallace was asked on NPR this morning why he's still working at 87 he said;

'because i wouldn't know what else to do'

this scares me! there are so many things that you can do n this world. it's just crazy. i'm only 30 (yes, i'm admitting it) and i can't wait to retire. i'm just in shock.

ultimate 2005 kid quotes from the flagstaff ells

'this soap smells like whales.' Grace (2)
'let me see. It does smell like whales.' Jackson (4)

'are you mad at me mama? GOD says to let go of your anger.' Jackson

Christmas cheer?

i struggle with my temper when I come across 'Christians' who with one hand advertise that they're Christians while with the other hand spout off negative, judgmental, mean, uncompassionate crap. the main reason i didn't accept JESUS into my heart until 2003 was because of 'Christians ' like these. i couldn't see JESUS. the people who followed HIM didn't reflect HIM. it wasn't until I met steve and saw JESUS in his eyes and felt HIM alive and kickin the first time I stepped into riverview, that i knew HE was real. not that I'm immune to being a hypocrite. With my overflowing bag of 'things I need to work on' hypocrisy is stretching my bags seams! there are many times I screw up. but it's the uncompassionate mean spirited, self-righteous judgements that I have such a difficult time dealing with. i'm praying about it. asking for HIS grace to fall upon me, asking for HIM to form me into a patient and quiet person so i won't spat off to someone without being guided with kindness and love. but i'm struggling. 2 people in particular in our family are self-righteous 'Christians'. and their discussions, i'm afraid, push so many people away. just like the 'Christians' who line the walkway up to a rock concert spatting off that we're all going to hell for listening to this music. who and how is this helping?

how do I arm myself to combat hypocritical 'Christians'? how do I walk in love and speak with gentleness when all I want to do is yell and scream about all their injustice and self-righteousness? Here are a few examples that happened within a 3 day holiday celebration span. enjoy a brief glimpse into the life of kim and steve…

Bad conversation number 5 (names have been changed)

me ~ 'so mom, have you heard about the whole Christmas day church service hub bub?'
mom ~ 'yeah, we're having church on Christmas day'
me ~ 'you going?'
mom ' yeah. Actually our pastor said that there's no excuse not to come to church on Christmas Day and if we don't go, we're not worshipping CHRIST.
me ~ 'mom!, I can't believe he said that! Please know, that you don't have to be in a structure to worship CHRIST. Your relationship with CHRIST should be in your heart not in a church structure.'
mom ~ 'well, I was angry when he first said it, but I think I agree that we should be at church on Christmas day.'

They never went in to church…

Bad conversation number 4

'l' ~ it's strange but I saw some similarities between chronicles and harry potter. I mean, not much but a bit.
's' ~ 'yeah but there's one big difference. one is a Christian movie and one is trying to promote witchcraft.
me ~ 'i really don't want to talk about this'
'l' 'the author admitted in her autobiography that she wants to promote witchcraft to children. read the books, read her auto biography'

note: 'l' has never read either the books nor the autobiography…

me ~ 'l', I respect your viewpoint but I really don't want to talk about this'
'l' ignores me for the rest of the night.

Bad conversation number 3

'm' ~ the gay lifestyle is a very selfish lifestyle, all they think about is themselves.'
me ~ cringe trying my hardest to bite my tongue…
'm' ~ I work for about 4 gay people. They are all the same, selfish.
me ~ still cringing…biting tongue harder…

Bad conversation number 2

'l' ~ 'so where does 'lucy' live?'
Me ~ 'she lives with matt'
'l' 'she lives with matt?
Me ~ yeah, her boyfriends friend. I'm not sure if they have another roommate but I know they share a house.
'l' ~ an unmarried man and woman shouldn't be living together, that's unbiblical.
'mom' rolls her eyes
me thinking but not dare saying…well, your brother and I may own 2 houses but we spend most of our time together…ok so I'm a bit of a pot stirrer…

And the # 1 bad conversation during the Christmas holiday

Me ~ I think what bono is doing is amazing'
'l' ~ 'yeah, but he's not a Christian, he swears in public'
's' ~ ''l'! you swear'
'l' ~ 'yeah, but not in public, there's a difference.'

i'm not a huge angelina jolie fan but steve and I saw an amazing movie last weekend, beyond borders

it's about a woman who is compelled to help out in the humanitarian fight in the Ethopia famine and quickly joines the UNHCR. when I first saw the trailer I thought it would suck. but not only did i think it had a good story line, it brought back all the struggles we've had previously in places like Cambodia and Chechnya. it really did a great job putting the UNHCR and world relief organizations on the map with their struggles and at times inability to help people. just a suggestion…go rent this. or, wait form me to by it so you can borrow it. it really was a great movie


while i'd rather be living some where other than the cloudiest city in the world (ok, maybe not THE cloudiest, but it's close!) it could be worse...check out this ice storm that happened in lake geneva, wi. yikes!

today's been hard. i'm sleepy and i get to deal with super selfish people who are draining me. stinking energy vampires!

but on a positive note. greg d. has resurrected bink wink. smiles thank you :)

west coast calling

16 December 2005

i just applied to a world vision job in washington. why does this freak me out so much?

trying to make your own angel

go K go!

i've had nightmares for 2 nights in a row. all night long. what's going on? same stuff, just different scenarios. i think i'm going mad. u may want to keep you distance. i may be contagious!


i absolutly love the fact that when i'm having a poo of a day, my man can still put a smile on my face. he can just cut through the crud to save me from more coming down the pipe. you rock baby!

alright. i'll be the first to say how ignorant i am. brought up in a very pastey white household, we weren't taught many worldly things and the school system was dreadful on that front as well. not blaming anyone, just mentioning how uni-cultural my life was. white, white…white. i didn't know what was out there. i yearned for diversity and leaders unlike those i was taught, but i never saw them. Martin Luther King Jr. for instance. i don't recall ever being taught of his ways. and Mahatma Gandhi, he was just a guy i knew was all about peace and fasting. how wrong I was, or more, just plain ignorant.

the past few years i've been diving into these amazing leaders. what their lives were like, what they struggled with, stood for and accomplished. i feel cheated never knowing who these people were. the reason we have Pakistan and India is because of Mahatma Gandhi. India use to be 1 huge country ruled by Britain. filled with Muslims and Hindus, but ruled by the British. until a little Hindu man pushing the scale at 100 lbs. hit the front, talking about freedom. Gandhi fought for financial freedom from Britain, freedom of religion and freedom of British government rule all through non-violence. he never wavered in his unshakable belief in nonviolent protest and religious tolerance. when Muslim and Hindu compatriots committed acts of violence, whether against the British, or against each other, he fasted until the fighting ceased. i'll stop now, but I urge you, if you don't know about Ghandi, go find out. he was amazing.

it makes me realize how sheltered i was. to not know anything about these leaders. if i'm ever blessed wih kids, they will for sure, be learning about all the great leaders of this world.

I leave you with 2 quotes:

'An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.' Mahatma Gandhi

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." Martin Luther King Jr.


09 December 2005

i have all these thoughts and ideas in my head but when i try to make them legible, it just doesn't work...phooey! so i just wanted to say that. i have tons of Christmas thought flowing threw my brain and other crap i want to spew out to y'all but, i can't seem to become very articulate today...maybe someday

thank you

06 December 2005

i ran into someone today i used to work with. she said another position will be posted in the beginning of the year and that she'd love to have me on her team. hmmm...this would be pretty cool. please keep me in your prayers so i may know HIS will in my worklife.

tick tock

05 December 2005

have you ever felt like something you're waiting for is a waste of time? what if it never happens and you've spent so much time waiting and wanting. i feel like that sometimes. i felt it on saturday. it scares me. maybe it's another run away thing.

but today, i feel like i could wait for years. i don't want to, but i could.

waiting...the bible says to wait on the LORD. i feel like i wait n nothing happens...then i get poopy and feel like a spoiled brat. i'm such a spoiled brat. i hate that. why can't i just find a way to be patient?

television zombies

02 December 2005

steve and i've broken down. we're ordering cable. i'm ashamed. but excited :)
it's only the basic stuff...so i can't get too zombied. hopefully...