Showing posts from April, 2008


i've had a hard time getting my wits together today.  i had a list of things to do, yet i haven't even brushed my teeth yet and it's pushing 3.  i've been up since 8.  i feel really warn down and i haven't done anything...the babe is raring to go.  flipping and twirling away.  but momma just ain't rolling today.  normally (pre-pregnancy) i'd make a stop to beaners, i refuse to call it the other name, for a red-eye...i'm thinking that probably wouldn't be a grand idea...i think this child has enough energy...i need a red-eye...the babe needs some wine!  HA!! 
sleeping is difficult so i think that's my main problem.  i only sleep for an hour or 2 at a time, then toss and turn and sweat and snore and my limbs and hips and shoulders fall asleep...oye.  i need a pick-me-up.

help me poop?

when steve and i were talking about how big the baby's getting..or at least how big they're guessing the baby's getting, i said 'you're going to really have to help me cope!'  he responded in an adamant 'umm, no! i'm not helping you poop'.  cope?  poop?  ahh, the joy of cell phones!
how does one help another poop anyway?  does one cheer the other on?  is there hand holding or massage to work junk out?  
i don't think i'd want anyone to help me poop.  i like my privacy while i'm doing that...and my husband cheering me on in the corner or sitting on the bathtub ledge holding my hand and looking into my eyes just doesn't seem right!  too funny!
what i was trying to say is that i need help coping with pushing a big baby out of me while in the birthing process.  not pooping.  pooping i can do. but pushing an ever growing baby out of me, is starting to scare me a bit!  i have 5 weeks left...i could have a 10 pound baby!  

kix is growing!

here are the latest pics. fresh off the ultrasound this morn. they are guesstimating that this child is already 5lbs 6oz! wowza! i hope they're off on that one!! i'm also measuring 6 days ahead. right now the babe's head is on the left side of my tummy, tush on the right ~ up near my ribs and both feet and hands are over towards the face.

such a cute punkin' can't wait to meet this little miracle of ours!

is this your first

sorry that i keep blogging about this, i'm just amazing how often i get asked this question. it's the expected follow-up question. i know that. and again, i don't have a problem answering the question...but every time, i see the horror in the askers eyes. that look of 'oh crap! why did i just ask that question?' there's a brief moment of comfortableness, followed by an apology. so then i have to say thank you. all the formality...and i quickly try to keep the conversation going so the elephant in the room quickly leaves.

sometimes it makes me want to lie and say 'yes! this is our first!'. but that would be disgracing Jorai's short life. and why do that to make it easier for me and the person asking the question. there's another part of me that wants to share her story to get the word out about stillborns.

having a stillborn child is not talked about. when you get pregnant, you hear about the miscarriage rate and …

baby showers

my mom-in-law is throwing me a baby shower next weekend and some girlfriends are throwing me one the following weekend...and i'm just really excited about them.  i didn't have a shower with Jorai.  not a real one.  my mom came up with my sister-in-law, mother-in-law and aunt, the week before we lost Jorai.  and it was nice, but it was thrown together after a fight between my mom and i, and truthfully, i never really felt the love from it.  it felt like she was doing it out of obligation.  so in a way, i never felt like i had a true baby shower. 
the week after i left work, some workmates threw me a shower and i felt so loved.  especially since there were very few people who actually said goodbye to me at work, not even my boss or the health director.  so to see people come to a shower after i had already left made me feel so loved.  
and with my mom-in-laws and friends showers in the next few weeks, i'm just feeling really loved.  and in a strange way, it makes this pregnanc…

dazed and confused

it's been a rough go in the sac!  not that
...sleeping...pure sleeping.  
i've been tossing and turning and waking steve up with my excessive snoring.  so then he gets up and leaves me...which then i think i can actually sleep a bit better, but i hate not waking up besides him.  i think there's a lot contributing to my lack of sleep... i think i'm worried about snoring or turning and waking up my husband, my girth is getting hard to flip from side to side, there's pressure in places i didn't think i'd have pressure, the babes either hiccuping or kicking or flipping, i have heartburn and, well, i'm just plain uncomfortable.  plus i'm grinding or clenching my teeth, so i wake up dazed, confused with sore teeth and a tight jaw.  
then i try to function and it's just not pretty.  i've been relaxing most of the day away, which sucks.  i want to be outside enjoying the weather and getting things done around the house, but i'm just so …

running while pregnant

don't run up the stairs while pregnant.  you'll fall.  i did this morning.  
we're still having issues with our ice machine in our freezer.  while i was downstairs, i heard it kick on, so i ran upstairs to catch the access water from causing a mess.  i made it to the top but then tripped and fell onto all 4's.  i jarred myself a little and i contracted for a second, but other than that, i'm fine.  baby's still moving and i feel fine, other than the rug rash on my knee.  
i've never been the most graceful person, which is funny since i was an ice skater for 10 years...but being pregnant has taken away the little bit of grace i did have.  
so, yeah...don't run while will fall...or maybe it's just that you should avoid stairs...this is my second trip-up on the stairs...and i know some of my friends have have issues walking up/down stairs.  
anyway, be careful all you preggers out there!

i just lost a tooth!

well, not really. but in my dream this afternoon i did. i was eating and it felt loose. when i put my finger in my mouth to feel it, my tooth came out. it hurt and my tongue kept feeling the void where my tooth used to be. i woke up and instantly thought that i had to go to the dentist and how mad he'd be because i haven't been in over a year.

i'm wondering if i had the dream because for the past few days i've been thinking about going to the dentist. his office called when we were in florida to remind me to make an appointment...but i still haven't...

it was all very real and very strange. i don't want to lose my teeth! now i'm afraid to eat! but i'm hungry!

yes, i'm still hungry...

ok, seriously, i'm still hungry

now i've had a banana and 6 cheese and cracker sandwiches...

still hungry.

this is ridiculous!


for lunch i had some yogurt and a subway sandwich.  i'm still hungry.  so i had some dibs...still hungry...i taste for nothing, but my stomach feels empty.  i don't want to over eat, but i can't help this feeling of hunger.  it's such a strange thing.  i need to make something else to eat...

cars, babies and the bereaved parent

i had another non-stress test this morning. all looks great with the babe. this little one is really starting to dislike these tests though! every few minutes i felt a punch or kick to the monitor that resting on my belly, but towards the end, my child had a bit of a temper tantrum. all out flips and punches, over and over for a good 10 seconds. then another round hit. it was actually pretty funny. i felt bad that my babe was annoyed, but there was another part of me that really thought it was funny! i can already tell that we're going to have our hands full!

twice today i was asked if this child is our first. i went with the 'this is our second child' line and just hoped it would end there...but it didn't. i'm not saddened about sharing Jorai's story. her life. i like the opportunities to share her life. but what i hate is making people feel uncomfortable. the look of terror as soon as i say that we lost our daughter at 28 weeks...i hate doing tha…

a little slice of naughty

while i was picking up more heartburn relief supplies, i just happened to walk past the ice-cream aisle and something caught my eye. edy's mint dibs. they're these little bite size mint ice-cream squares that are dipped in chocolate. the called out to me and they were on sale, so i thought i sould give them a whirl.

they're quite naughty! i think i could eat the entire package though...i need to be careful.

our sweet new piano


kim's ultimate pregnancy breakfast

this is what i eat most mornings...either blueberry pancakes or blueberry waffles, fake bacon and an egg with a glass of oj and tea. it's the breakfast of pregnancy champions! this particular waffle was made by steve. he grinds his own wheat for them. super yummy and good for you too!


i'm really starting to become uncomfortable. i seriously can't find a comfortable position. nothing sitting, standing, laying...i'm not complaining, just amazed. this is all such a new feeling. the baby is really getting big. i'm feeling very stretched and full. if i sit or lay, i have a super hard time getting back up. i get pain that shoots down my legs, not sciatica, and my pelvis snaps too. i'm constantly feeling a lot of pressure against my ribs and then a huge bulge extends from my side. i think it's a butt. i'm getting more and more contractions. nothing that hurts, my tummy just gets super tight.

the babe is getting hiccups every day too. now, that's a cool feeling. i like that. and the movement is getting crazier. i feel it more often, it's constant. flips and turns and stretches, all day. it's pretty cool.

i'm really getting ready here. the babe was pushing so hard against my belly last night that we had to have a l…

organic milk

i've noticed that there truly are only 2 organic milk options out there. horizon and organic valley. i prefer horizon, but organic valley is a good choice too. i've noticed that there are other stores making organic milk, which is cool, but what i've found is that they go bad super quick, long before the expiration date. i've tried them more than a few times just to make sure, but every time is the same, bad milk. which sucks since it's so expensive. so, my advice, if you're an organic milk drinker, stick with horizon. it may be pricey, but at least it stays fresh until the expiration date.


when i pulled into kroger this afternoon i saw that they have a expectant mother parking spot! sweet! i've never noticed that before. and as i become more and more uncomfortable this will be very nice. so that was a nice start to my krogering experience.

last week kroger had a sale on their organic strawberries, but i never made it over i thought i'd pay full price today. i'm always amazed about the selection of organics at kroger, but what bums me out is the lack of organic produce. they didn't have any organic fact the only organic fruit they had was bananas, mangoes and oranges...i know i can go to foods for living or better health, but they're always so expensive. i hope someday soon, we'll get a better health food store that people can actually afford.

then, as i was checking out with my cloth grocery bags, i was in a conversation with the checkout lady, so i wasn't paying attention to the bagger. the bagger put 3-4 i…

infant vaccines

steve and i've been doing some research on vaccines lately.  we're trying to figure out what's best for our child...what's not needed or at least, what's not needed right away.  don't get me wrong, i think vaccines are super important.  the reasons we don't have all the nasty diseases we used to have is primarily because of vaccines, but i think for some diseases, the medical profession vaccinates too early and for others, it's just not necessary.  take hep B for instance.  hep B is a blood-borne pathogen, primarily transmitted through sex and infected drug and tattoo needles.  oohhh, and infected blood if your child needs a blood transfusion.  how often does blood become contaminated in a transfusion situation?  1 in every 65,000-500,000 blood units.  they try to give this vaccine to you before you leave the hospital.  why?  is you're newborn engaging in sex or drug use or getting their first tattoo?  probably not...
we've been reading the vacci…

grilled peanut butter

i've been really hungry lately.  i actually went through about a month or so where i wasn't hungry very often.  i wasn't eating as i should...6 small meals...and to be honest, i'm still not.  but at least now i'm hungry more often than not.  which i guess is kinda scary, since i want to watch my weight gain from now on, but alas...
one of the things that's really been tasting good lately is grilled peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwiches.  i don't think i've had them since high school...and truthfully, i have no idea where the thought of having one came from.  usually i'm a straight peanut butter sandwich fan.  no jam.  but all of a sudden, last week, that's what i wanted.  i've had 3 now.  well, that's after i eat the one that's grilling right now.  
yum.  the peanut butter gets all warm and gooey and the jam adds just a bit of sweetness.  i likey.

placenta craziness


steve and i are thinking about dehydrating and encapsulating my placenta. we've been reading up on it...and i know it sounds a bit kooky and gross...but it has many great and powerful attributes...some are:
balance your system replenish depleted iron give you more energy lessen bleeding post-natally been shown to increase milk production help decrease risk/effects of postpartum depression
hasten return of uterus to pre-pregnancy statei know a few folks who have literally eaten their placenta raw, which i simply couldn't do, no matter what benefits it would give me. but if all i have to do is take a pill, that would be cool.

i kinda think we're out there a bit on this natural craziness limb, but if you think of how miraculous and life giving the placenta is and how many nutrients and hormones it contains, it just kinda seems silly to simply throw it away. but we may also just be becoming a bit crazy...we'll see...

i'm still not sure about the decision, but i…

boys will be boys

one of the best sounds of the summer are crickets at night, morning doves and robins in the morning...and in the afternoon...the neighborhood kids.
tonight, with the windows open, i'm listening to the birds sing and basketballs hitting the asphalt...but what i just heard, i have to admit, kinda scares me a bit...
there are 2 middle school boys outside playing basketball. i was hearing the typical middle school boy banter when all of a sudden, one breaks out in song. the song was, beautiful by christina aguilera. song by a middle school boy. it was very strange.
i guess that people probably wondered about me when i used to stand on the deck while i was in middle school singing killing an arab by the cure...

never knowing what the song meant and in middle school, not understanding the ramifications of the song, i guess it never hit me what the lyrics were saying...but maybe my other fav. band, the ocean blue, would have been a better band to sing outdoors...ahh, to be back in midd…

productive and exciting weekend

we bought our car on saturday.  that was scary!  i think it was almost scarier buying the car then my first house!  it sounds silly i know, but at least with a house you're usually not just throwing money away, unlike a car which will depreciate every mile we drive it!   and driving it off the lot was scary.  i thought for sure we were going to get in an accident the moment we turned the corner.  but it's been 2 days and no nicks or scratches!  so, if any of you is looking for a high mileage 2-door honda civic, let us know.  we're posting a ad soon.  it's seen it's better days, but runs like a champ and gets fab mileage.
then today we got our free piano.  what's strange is that it's still in tune...well, as much as we can tell.  it sounds like it's in pretty good tune.  it was a bear to move, but with the help of some strapping young men, we got it in the living i just need to learn to play.  i used to play percussion and therefore, had to lea…


i've been feeling strange today. this morning was fine, but this afternoon my stomach feels crampy. not sure if i ate something wrong or if it's braxton hicks contractions. i also feel a lot of pressure form within, as if the babes going through a growth spurt and can't find any more room to fit into. if this feeling doesn't subside, i may make a run into the hospital just to have things checked out. i'm not really worried...but there's always that scaredy cat underneath my thin layer of courage that creeps up.

the contractions or cramps aren't continuous. they come and go and feel like the start of a period. i don't's just the first time i've felt this before. i am a big scarey cat aren't i?!?

scion roller-coaster

so, the woman who 'bought' our scion yesterday never was able to get her financing in got a call telling us the car is ours if we still want it...i called our financial advisor this morning and it looks like we can get a check written, from the money we've saved up, by saturday.  it feels good to be able to buy a car outright...although the amount still scares me! this may really be happening.  i'm running over to the dealership this morning to put a deposit down.  yikers!  we're actually going to have a car under 100,000 miles...under 200,000 miles!  i'm so geeked!

one of the coolest things about dvr

twice a day, our new dvr tapes an x-files episode. so cool!

grouchy pants

it's beautiful outside but i'm grouchy.  i thought that if i ate a whole bunch of chocolate chip cookies, i'd feel better.  but it didn't help.  now i feel grumpy and chunky!  doesn't help that this morning, i found out that i've gained 3 pounds in 2 weeks!  wowza..maybe i should stop eating the mint oreo milkshakes i've come to love so much!  i still haven't reached a total weight gain of 25 pound which is the 'target' that's good...but there's something about becoming closer and closer to reaching steve's weight that bothers me...not that it should...i am growing a child within me...but the vain girl that wants a smoking hot body is screaming at me.  i have to find a way to silence that chic once and for all!
i think i should attempt to go outside and do some yard work....that is if i can bend over and dig without killing myself!  oye!  this won't be a pretty may want to steer clear from bowker street peo…


so we were going to go back and talk to the dealer on monday about the car we were interested in, but then we remembered that steve had a ministry meeting, so that was out.  so, we went last night and were there until close...we had the number we were ok with...not as low we wanted...but we were ok with it.  steve wanted to give it the night and we figured that since no one else would look at it, we were the last customers, and we'd call first thing in the morning, it wouldn't be a problem...
a lady came by first thing in the morning to test it out.  by the time steve called, she was already test driving it.  she bought it.  blasted!  hindsight's 20/20 isn't it.  and though it's all for the best, it still sucks.  i wanted that car.  and there are so few to choose from in lansing...looks like we need to start traveling to look at more.  there are some in d-town and g.r. and kzoo...i'm just frustrated. 
also, i had another conversation with my doctor about some of …


this is pretty cool!  

Krups® and Heineken® have teamed up to create the ultimate beer-drinking experience at home. Compatible with Heineken's DraughtKeg, this counter-top beer-tap system features a silent cooling system that delivers constant, perfectly chilled beer. too bad it seems to only work with heineken.  i'm not a huge heine fan...but if we could put some home brew or oberon or red stripe in there...that would be pretty sweet!

peek a belly

i'm thinking of inventing a way to keep my shirts from creeping up my belly.  nothing i try works now and it gets so annoying and chilly!  i pull my tank-top down and tuck it in my pants and then i pull my shirt down over the top of my pants and within minutes both my tank and shirt are halfway up my belly.  it's seriously ridiculous!  i walk around the house all day with my cold belly hanging out all over the place.  i'm thinking of coming up with suspender clips that one side clips to your underwear and the other to the bottom of your shirt...but then i may have wedgey issues and that wouldn't be fun either... 
i just burned my belly on a hot pan because i didn't have my clothes layer to protect myself...this is becoming a major problem people!

screams after the stillness

tiffany and bret had their baby girl on friday night.  evalina grace.  
i have to admit that as much as i love seeing my friends deliver healthy babies, there's something extra special about seeing parents of a stillborn child go on to deliver a healthy baby.  there's a joy and blessing to it that i can't describe.  these parents wanted so much to have a healthy child but were robbed of that.  they were given other things, life lessons and memories and dreams of one day meeting their precious child, but really they were robbed of a dream.  so, to see the dream handed back to them is beautiful.  it's like this amazing, awe inspiring blessing.  it's as if God reached down and said that He was sorry that He had to take their first child, but that He needed them for something special and because of their great sacrifice, He will bestow blessings upon them. 
it's like you have to travel down this path of great loss and sacrifice, and though you don't expect anythi…

belly talk

my belly is growing at a rapid rate.  i had to break down and buy a new pair of pants.  the jeans i bought a month ago are still to large for me and i feel even more frumpy when i wear them, which was not the style i was going for.  
the babe is cramping my innards now.  i get very strange ramblings and gurgles and bubbles after i eat or drink anything.  as if the babe is squishing my stomach and intestines to the point that there's no room for movement.  it's a very strange feeling...
kix likes hiding in my ribs.  which isn't the most comfortable thing!  he/she spends more of the time there, although last night as i was sitting, all of a sudden i started feeling my torso moving forward.  i kid you not, this child was pushing so hard on my left hip bone that it pushed my torso forward!  it was crazy!  
i truly can't wait to meet this child.  the personality is already showing through.  i can already feel steve's playfulness and my stubbornness.  i know it sounds crazy…

yea babies!

a friend of mine, who was a mother of a stillborn baby boy last summer,  is in labor right now with a healthy, full term baby.  please pray for her labor to be efficient and natural and for both her and the babies health.  i'm so uber excited right now!!  this is a happy moment.  i wish i could be there with her!

taxes suck

i hate doing taxes.  they always ask you for your income first.  so if you use a software program like turbo tax, you see a large number pop up on in the refund box...but then, as you continue on to putting in the interest and other stuff the government likes to tax you continue see your refund decrease over and over again.  
steve's dad didn't send us a tax document until last week, so i had to wait to finish our taxes until today.  from the time i started this morning until i finished in-putting 2 bank account interests and 3 bond interests our federal refund went down $180 and our michigan refund went down $192!  the thing that really sucks is that we went from getting $102 back from michigan to having to pay them $90!  argh. 
we're getting an ok amount back in federal, but we just use that money to pay our yearly property taxes since they're so freakin' expensive.  ya gotta love holt!  anyway, they're finally done and i don't have to worry about them anym…

the bennett donkey

i always get a kick out of searching for the lone donkey in a herd of sheep.  i'm not really sure why there's normally a sheep in the mix, maybe it's for the sheep's protection, although i'm not sure what a donkey would do to protect a sheep.  i love passing the farm, which i'm not sure if it's run by msu or not, that's on bennett-off of hagadorn. there's always a donkey there.  he's white and of course the sheep all love him.  he's always surrounded by his flock.  i don't know why i get such a kick out of it and i'm not even sure why i'm blogging about it, other to say that i like it and i look forward to passing the farm for the sole reason of trying to find the donkey.  but yeah, i guess that's it...go check out the bennett donkey.


prior to the tool that called his wife retarded last tuesday in the okemos christian book store, i was sitting on a chair waiting for steve to finish up listening to his scream metal christian music when one of the workers came up to me.  she asked when we were due and if we knew it was a boy or girl and then came the question everyone this your first.  which i'mgetting pretty good at answering.  i can usually tell how much to go into the story...some times i simply say this is our second and hope that ends the conversation...some times i say that this is our second but we lost our first at 7 months gestation, so this will be our first live baby.   some times i say that we had a daughter...although i would love to go into Jorai's life all the time, i know it can make people uncomfortable, so a lot of the time i choose to keep it short. answer her question, i told her that this is our second but that we had lost our first at 7 months.  her reaction was typi…


i hate the word retarded.  back when i was growing up it was the derogatory word for someone with mental and/or physical limitations.  i always hated hearing it.  i've always encountered that people with mental and/or physical limitations are usually the most genuine, wonderful people to be around, so i could never understand why someone would want to put them down.
now the word is in our everyday language.  i hear it more and more.  people say this or that is so retarded.  i hate it.  i want to scream every time i hear it. why do people say it?
as we were trying to blow some time last tuesday before going to our first baby class, steve and i stopped in the christian book store in okemos to listen to some music...which by the way, the new kids in the way and spoken suck...anyway, a young couple came in with their infant.  they set their infant on the floor, she was in her car seat, and started looking through the cds.  all of a sudden the husband turns to his wife and says 'what…

to xb...or not to xb

in our search for a new car i found that lansing only has 3 xb's right now...2 at the toyota dealer and another at a small dealership.  the toyota dealer guy we spoke to, who wasn't the guy dan recommended to us, was super pushy and i got a really bad vibe from him.  so that immediately put me of the xb's was a 2005 with 98,000 miles on it.  we test drove it, but didn't want the high mileage.  the other was a 2006 with 48,000.  the 2006 was an ok car, but there were little things we didn't like.  
on a whim tonight, we test drove the 3rd car.  it was a 2006 with only 9,800 miles on it.  it was sparkling.  both the interior and exterior were immaculate.  but they want $13,600...with taxes and junk it's $14,500.  that's about 3-4,000 more than we originally wanted to spend.  but it was like driving a new car.  we got home and started doing some research on it.  the dealer is giving us a deal from what we see at kelly blue book...but it's still pr…

baby dream

last night i dreamt that i had the baby...but the baby had 6 fingers and came out looking 20 pounds huge.  he looked like a 6 month old.  i woke up thinking, oh my!  i just delivered a toddler!  the crazy part was that i never delivered him, he just emerged...which was nice!  but i know won't be the case in reality!!  he came early, i know 20 pounds and still early, but these are my fears!!  any way, he came early and was still attached to the umbilical cord, so i was trying to find my doctor to put him 'back in'.  i'm not sure what i was thinking at this point!  but obviously the doctor said that the baby was in good health and didn't need to go 'back in'.  so i was walking around with this toddler that just emerged and my arms hurt because he was so massive and i couldn't find was all very strange.  but, it was my first official boy dream.  which is cool..

i just really hope that i don't deliver a 20 pound baby.  i think i…

dog etiquette

we have four dogs that surround us. 2 of them live very different lives and it makes me super sad.  we have maggie and turbo to the west of us.  they rock.  one's a lab, the other a golden.  their owners let the dogs out whenever they're out.  they play together and get to enjoy the outdoors.  as dogs should.  then we have checha, a chihuahua, and a standard poodle to the east and south of us.  both of these dogs see the outdoors only by leash and only in their own yards.  their owners stand on the porch and hold tightly to the reigns of their dogs. the poodle owners train poodles for people with needs, which is super cool.  but if you know anything about poodles, they're very high strung.  they need exercise, and these dogs, get none.  and the worst part?  both the poodle and the chihuahua are taken outside multiple times a day, by leash, to go to the bathroom.  the entire time, the owner is yelling at them to 'hurry up' and yanking the leash on their necks.  
can …

dragon breath

my heart burn is crazy right now.  it probably didn't help that i had some chili for dinner tonight...but it feels like my throats on fire!  and i can't get rid of it.  i even tried tums.  ugh!  kimi no likey the heart burn.

nesting anyone?

after breakfast today, i decided to clean the house...that was around's now's a list of the things i didn't think i'd do today, but somehow did:rearranged the japanese dining room and emptied out a bookcase
moved the bakers rack and all the crap on it
took down the small bookcase near the front door~relocated magazines and books
moved the small bookcase into the japanese dining room and loaded cookbooks into it
removed books and cd's from living room bookcase 
moved 1st said bookcase into the living room.
rearranged all books in the newly transplanted bookcase
transported the old living room bookcase outside to paint
painted bookcase...twice...(this is going downstairs!  i'm excited about that!!)
hung 2 pictures
went through my old photo albums to project~scan all pictures onto hard drive the house is more of a pigsty than when i started, but i'm getting organized and making room for a piano, which if things work out righ…

annuale ~ the once a year period

would you like to only have 1 period a year ladies?

steve just called me downstairs to watch this snl commercial... too funny!  i've never understood the need to only have 1 period every 3 months...or just doesn't seem very, well, the way God intended us women to function...i can definitely understand the want to have less periods...since they suck, but come on...and who knows, you might end up growing a second vagina as the video warns!  wowza!

sawyer's gourmet pancake house

there's a new breakfast joint in town.  sawyer's gourmet pancake house.  it's at 608 w. saginaw, which is kinda between mlk and walnut.  they serve pancakes, waffles and french toast, along with eggs, meat and potatoes...oh and they have lunch too.  they try to only serve organic, local food.  even their ketchup is organic!  and their syrup is real maple syrup.  we thought that they may be a bit pricey, but the prices are super reasonable.  they're pancakes are yummy.  they have all kinds.  and they even serve turkey sausage!  we had a great breakfast and we highly recommend them. their diner is small, but clean and the wait-staff are super friendly.  go check them out!
oh yea, to top it off...they serve organic, fair-trade coffee that they grind themselves for each pot of coffee, and their cream is the real deal!  very yummy!!

strange symptoms

my feet are starting to fall sleep much more easily.  even if i simply sit with my legs crossed or indian style.  speaking of crossing my legs, that's getting more difficult too.  it's easier crossing my right leg over my left, but even that's hard.  my belly now gets in the way.  
i'm also starting to get leg cramps and restless leg syndrome at night.  so strange.  all these new side effects from pregnancy really surprise me.  i knew my body changed in pregnancy, but i'm continually surprised about new changes.  
i never had these changes with Jorai.  she was so tiny when we lost her.  i never got to the rough part.  which is kinda cool in a way.  the only memories i have of her living within me are happy ones.  my pregnancy was perfect.  no major aches or pains.  i felt normal most of the time.  
this pregnancy is just so different.  i think i even have a stretch mark on my side.  which i'm not happy about.  but i'd take a million stretch marks for a healthy…

are you hiding?

i have a family member that hides from her emotions. she puts up this front of happiness that's so fake, it's nauseating. she plays as if all is fine and dandy, that she's happy and content while i know, inside she's screaming. no matter what i say, she stays hidden. i can't figure it out. it gets worse and worse each year. i can see her deteriorating and screaming louder and louder within herself, yet she never lets herself feel. she judges everyone, discriminates, puts people on guilt trips, and pulls away for no reason. she'll tell you everything you're doing wrong with your life and how to raise your children. she'll guilt you for not coming to visit yet won't visit herself. and then if she does, nothing makes her happy. nothing is good enough. it's exhausting.

i can't understand why this happens. how the people close to her don't talk to her about it. she's ruining her relationships. and i just can't figure out…