screams after the stillness

tiffany and bret had their baby girl on friday night.  evalina grace.  

i have to admit that as much as i love seeing my friends deliver healthy babies, there's something extra special about seeing parents of a stillborn child go on to deliver a healthy baby.  there's a joy and blessing to it that i can't describe.  these parents wanted so much to have a healthy child but were robbed of that.  they were given other things, life lessons and memories and dreams of one day meeting their precious child, but really they were robbed of a dream.  so, to see the dream handed back to them is beautiful.  it's like this amazing, awe inspiring blessing.  it's as if God reached down and said that He was sorry that He had to take their first child, but that He needed them for something special and because of their great sacrifice, He will bestow blessings upon them. 

it's like you have to travel down this path of great loss and sacrifice, and though you don't expect anything in return, you're given this amazing special gift.  not that a new child would replace or ease the pain you feel for your previous loss, but it's just this sense of amazing gratitude and thankfulness.  

i can only imagine the feeling of birthing a screaming child and then to have that child given to me warm and wet, with open, piercing eyes and a chunky little bum.  i can only imagine the feeling of that child compared to the feeling of Jorai.  i can only image seeing tears of joy stream down my husbands face rather than tears of sorrow.  i can only image bringing our child home, hearing kix, seeing kix within these walls, instead of the smell of flowers and sights of condolence cards.  the differences are what brings on these immense feelings of gratitude.  i always held onto the thought that God just needed Jorai for something else in His great plan for this world.  that brought me comfort.  i was still pissed beyond belief, but to think of her helping God, brought me joy.  and to think that God will bless us with another child just fills my heart with a gratitude i can't put to words.

but i know other parents of stillborn children understand.  there's a joy and blessing that comes with this new child.  and i'm just so filled with joy that both tiffany and bret get to hold their new baby girl in their arms.  and that she's warm and wiggly and perfectly crated by God.  how sweet is that!