Phoenix Rising

Let me preface. I love my life. I love my boys. I feel super blessed and I wouldn't change a bit of my little slice of world...minus the loss of my girls.

...but...

Wow. What a reality check life has been the past few weeks. Asher is doing awesome with Greyson. There's very little jealousy and the little that there is, is actually directed towards Steve. Which is surprising to me. And Greyson, is a dream child. He has some fussy periods and lately has been gassy, so at times can be really fussy...but for the most part, he's super easy. And he usually only wakes up once, maybe twice a night.

But there are things that are stressing me. Things that I'm blowing up about. Little things. I feel stretched. I feel needed...all. the. time. I feel like I have NO time to myself. Which in saying that I feel incredibly selfish. But that's how I feel so I'm embracing it. I feel as if someone's always touching me or sucking from me, rubbing their snot on …

On February 2, 2011...Groundhogs Day...and during the 2011 'blizzard', our son was born into the world screaming! And what a sound it was. As I looked up at Steve, I saw his tears streaming down. And what a sight that was! Tears of joy, instead of tears of pain.

It was a long, cytotec and pitocin laden labor and from 4m - 11:30am I had hard contractions lasting 40-60 seconds coming every minute 1/2 - two minutes...but I can't complain. I had breaks and those nearly 2 minutes of quiet were bliss...but after 7 1/2 hours of hard contractions, I was exhausted and when it came time to push, I had a hard time finding the energy. But I found it...somewhere. And after 20 minutes of pushing, Greyson Levi was born. All 9 pounds, 22 inches of him.

He's perfect. Beautiful and strong. It's crazy really. After four short hours of easy peasy labor, Asher was born a spitfire. From the get go, he was a spitfire. He was a wonderful baby. An easy baby. But he…