xb etiquette

28 December 2008

i have to say how much i thoroughly enjoy the cheerful hello's i get from other xb owners. i've never had such gracious hello's from other drivers. it's such a cheery thing, being waved at on the road.

thank you fellow xb'ers. thank you.

Merry Christmas Jorai


at my parents church in big rapids, you can purchase a poinsettia to decorate the church in memory of a loved one. my folks always buy one for my grandparents. this year they bought 2. one for my grandparents and one for Jorai. They didn't tell us, so we found out as we read through the memorial insert in the Christmas service program. their remembrance warmed my heart. and it was cool because i was able to share Jorai's story with someone at church because they had read the memorial and asked who Jorai was. i feel so blessed when i get to share pieces of my daughter with people.

then, my mom has recently lined the bedroom hallway with pictures of family. one of the pictures is Jorai's memorial from namesinthesand.blogspot.com. i can't tell you the warmth i felt seeing all of our family lining the hall and knowing the Jorai wasn't forgotten. she was there, among us all, as she should be.

merry Christmas, my sweet baby girl. i love you.

asher week 27

19 December 2008


wow...27 weeks old. crazy! what a big boy!

who's that girl?

18 December 2008


lately. i've have a rough go identifying with myself. so much has changed in the past 6 months. more than i ever thought would change, has changed. and it's a wonderful thing, motherhood. but finding a balance between the old kim and the new one is daunting at times.

it's not the lack of a job. my employment has always sustained me, not driven me. it's more of just me. my everyday being. my spiritual being. my romantic side, my silly side, even my serious side. they've all shifted.

i'm tired. all the time. some days i don't feel tired, because i think i've gotten used to it. but i'm tired. exhausted really. i laugh, but the deep belly laughs don't come as often. i miss that. the romance has left entirely. my creativity and drive to research has left. i feel like a rundown version of kim. my mind is a haze.

last night, after getting 4 hours of sleep the night before and already having to calm asher down twice before 11, i broke down. asher woke up and started screaming, which is unusual. i was exhausted. i tried everything but he kept on screaming and i broke. i stood there, in a dark nursery, holding a screaming child and i started bawling. the tears felt good streaming down. it was a release. i wanted to put asher down in his crib and just fall to a heap on the floor. i just wanted to rest my head. the crazy thing was that all of a sudden, i wiped my tears, looked down at asher and he was asleep in my arms. maybe sobbing should be a new trick of mine to get him back down.

he then slept from 1-6, so i feel functional today. but it just got me thinking about me. i know this time is a season. the newborn season. i know things will settle down and i'll see a little bit of the old kim come back around soon...i just miss it. i miss delving myself in my ministries as i used to. i haven't greeted in months. i miss it. but right now, with asher's bedtime, i just can't.

finding my new life lines have been difficult. living for 31 years without a child set me in my ways. i love life as a mama. please don't get me wrong. my son rocks my world. he brings me a joy i have never known. the adjustment is just hard. i keep looking back and seeing what my life was, what my marriage was and how different it is now. i want to be able to combine the two someday. i want to feel comfortable and content in my new shoes. i want to make sure i'm where God wants me to be and doing what He wants me to be doing.

and well, i want sleep. and yet asher just woke or the second time tonight. for reference, he's been down for an hour and 40 minutes...i have a feeling it's going to be another rough night.

Merry Christmas y'all!

15 December 2008

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Asher week 26 ~ 6 months old!

13 December 2008


Asher week 25


Asher week 24


porn calendar

this morning i was searching for a new calendar. we have a large and quite ugly calendar hanging in our kitchen. i have a love-hate relationship with it. i hate it because it's ugly. bit time. but it's big and i can see everything on it. i can sit in the living room and look up and see the date. i really like that part of it.
i want a calendar like it, but nice to look at as well. so i got onto amazon to find a big calendar.

here were some on the results on the first 3 pages...
and let me preface again, that it was amazon...

the big breast calendar
meat 2009
big rigs
naked black men
bear men

amazon, you really disappointed me today. i'm really getting sick of our culture and our perversion of sex. i'll just go find a calendar in a store.

pukey puke

12 December 2008


while standing in line at the dollar store asher threw up all over me. it seemed like it was a cupful of vomit. it flew out of his mouth, into the carrier all over my arm, down my leg and all over my shoe. i freaked out. he's never done this before. it was a lot of throw up. after his puke fest, he seemed fine. he started flirting with 3 separate people as we were waiting in line. he doesn't seem hot and he's acting fine now, but i'm still freaked out.

steve has an upset stomach today...i hope this isn't the start of a family puke off this weekend.


11 December 2008

as a nursing mama, i like to peruse motherwear for great finds. some of their tops are nice. most i think just look like silly nursing tops, but some are cool and their sales are great. while i was perusing today i see this. now, does this picture really look like a normal nursing mama to you? silly motherwear, what were you thinking?

i just drank some of asher's wipe solution

10 December 2008

ahhh yes, and no, i'm not crazy. you too could be so lucky. after searching for a new cloth wipe recipe, i found this one:

Chamomile 'n' Honey

1 chamomile tea bag
1 teaspoon honey
1 cup boiling water

Brew the tea, add the honey, and drink any leftovers!
now that's my kind of wipe solution, plus i think it sounds kind of nice...i'd like that for my bum. we're giving it a go tomorrow.

hilarious, but be careful with these

my brother shared this free e-card site with my folks, who then shared it with me. be careful, there are some totally social and politically incorrect cards, but they're some just plain and simply hilarious ones too!

for example...in spirit of noels' post about all his birthday well wishers...

and for someone you love...

cheapy cheapsters

yes, i am. i have a hard time too. see, i like a lot of stuff, but being a cheapster, i feel bad paying full price for things, so i search and search for deals or coupons or free shipping. any little thing to bring the price down. i just bought my dream carrier. i rationalized it because i went with a pattern that is just ok and a 2008 style because it was cheaper. it saved me %16.

this summer my brother showed me this site. it's lovely. items are displayed for about 30 minutes and then a new bargain is up. if you're into outdoorsy stuff, you should check it out. they sell tons of patagucci, mountain hardware, la sportiva, simple, oakley...well, lots of stuff. i still haven't purchased anything since i 'don't need' it. but i see tons of stuff i want and it's so cheap compared to what it would cost you in the stores.

from one cheapy cheapster to the next, i give you steep and cheap.

oh, and for the baby gear equivalent, kelly sent me to this site. it's another daily skim of mine. they only have 1 item a day and it usually goes fast. they update it at 11am. it's called baby steals.

carrier cover

09 December 2008

any of you baby wearing mama's ever see or use these? i was thinking about making one, but for only $30, maybe i'll just buy it...i've been wrapping asher up in a blanket, but this is so much cooler...any opinions?

day in review

08 December 2008


after a week of horrendous sleep, asher woke up twice last night. he was asleep at 6:30 and woke at 12:45 and 7:15. he slept until 10:15am. he only took a 15 minute nap this morning but then took an hour and 40 minute nap this afternoon. steve's trying to get him down right now...i wonder what tonight will bring? another good night full of rest or a night full of interruptions?

he was so happy today. i could tell that him getting a large amount of sleep helped him. i know he's as tired as i am. i just wish i knew how to get him to sleep better. i feel as if my entire life revolves around him sleeping. it's a bummer.

we got the yota fixed after steve slid into a curb...$411. ugh. we're starting to think about what our next used but loved car will be...i think we'll have to cave in this spring. the bummer is that we'll have to get a loan. it'll be the first time we've be in debt in 5 years...other than our houses. hopefully it'll only be a couple g's.

we got our new washer. it's lovely. i need to get used to it, but i love it. it's very washy. clean clothes make me happy!

i think that's it...oh, other than i want to make brownies again...i know, i told you i have a problem! this time, i want to crush up candy canes in them. yum. i have a thing with chocolate and peppermint right now.

Christmas clothes

for my Christmas present my mom took me clothes shopping. although when i look in the mirror and see my naked self, i see how much chunk i have left to lose, surprisingly i weigh less than i did the day i got married. crazy. that said, none of my pants fit and many of my shirts have become crop shirts. i'm still baffled by the shirt cropiness, but whatever.

so, my mom and i went shopping. it was fun. i feel us getting closer again. it's nice. we were able to find me 3 pair of pants, 2 sweaters and a pair of sweats that don't look like sweats. very cool. but the coolest thing was that i tried on a pair of pants that were
2 sizes down from my current size. they were skin tight and i had flab hanging over the edge but i was able to zip them up! i haven't been in that size since high school! again, i'm not in that size now, nor probably will ever be. i could barely walk, but i could zip them up! it felt very nice.

it's nice to have pants that fit. my bum no longer hangs out of my jeans anymore. joy. thanks mom.

close to my breaking point

05 December 2008


i hate being so close. so close to losing it. my emotions are right at the rim, ready to spill at any second. i'm exhausted. i feel completely depleted of rest. after an amazing week of sleep, we have now finished off a week of wakefulness. each night since last saturday has gotten progressively worse. last night, asher woke every hour. every. single. hour. i'm not functioning anymore and my emotions are ready to explode. i'm seriously to the point of letting his wail it out, and for those who know me, that's quite extreme. the boy has never cried it out before. not even for 3 minutes. but i'm there and that makes me sad.

on top off the no sleep and crazy emotions, our washing machine has broken, our car has broken and i found out that the thing the dentist wants to give me for my teeth grinding problem will cost $300 after insurance, so i'm not going to get that. and the icing is that all my friends and my husband are whooping it up at the riv christmas party, and i'm at home sitting in sweats, hungry, with a headache and alone because since my child hasn't been sleeping, he's a royal crank.

i really don't mean to be complaining or feeling sorry for myself. i know i'm truly blessed with an amazing husband, a usually rockin' son, a supporting family and good health...but i just feel so downtrodden right now. so steamrolled. i always look forward to the riv party. it's always a great time. and i just feel as if i'm missing out right now. and thinking about the money we'll be shelling out for the car and washer and whatever else comes our way, just freaks me out.

have you ever just had one of those weeks filled with crap? my thursday was fun and right now my house is silent. those are my positives right now. now i'm about to have my hundredth turkey sandwich since thanksgiving and a dozen or so peppermint chocolate cookies before heading off to bed.

on a positive note, my mom just called to tell me that they want to buy the washer for us and we can pay them back so we won't have to pay interest. yea, mom and dad! i feel so looked after. now if they could just get my child to sleep!