Showing posts from January, 2008

a call for pediatricians

steve and i figured that we should start looking for pediatricians. we've talked to a few people, but i know there are quite a few ma's and pa's out there in the lansing area, that would be willing to give us some advice. so here's the questions:
who do you take your kids to?
would you recommend them to others?
are there any pros/cons for your ped.?thanks in advance for giving us the info...this whole parenting thing is pretty scary! we hadn't even started looking before we lost Jorai and i know it's super important to find one before the i guess now's a good time.

overheard at the office

when i work in charlotte my office faces the clinic scale. every client that comes in, gets weighted. in a way i feel like i'm violating their privacy. just now the following conversation took place as a gentleman walked though the door and stepped onto the scale:
client: the past week i've been on the corn pop diet, i wonder if i've lost any weight.'
nurse: 'corn pops? how's that going?'
client: 'all i eat is corn pops. i'm getting really sick of them.'hmmm...corn pops...with my love of sugared cereal, maybe i should give it a go in june... :-) too funny. i hear the most interesting things at work!


who would have thought that being kicked or punched or head butted in the gut, would make me feel joy and that all my fears would dissipate.

oh, the power of children.


most of the time, this baby is a mover and a shaker. but on days like today when i haven't felt movement yet, i get freaked out. each second seems like an eternity as i sit here waiting to feel the child move. i poke and prod myself, trying to get movement, but still, nothing. i know i'm being a basket case. i'm only 21 weeks along so i'll feel movement some times and nothing at other times, but to be honest, my mind always goes to loss.

the idea of losing another child haunts me. the thought of losing this child is ever present in my mind. i see other pregnancies progress and internally think that will never be me. i know that's a crappy thing to think about. but it's true. i'm excited for this pregnancy. i look forward to meeting this child and kissing their warm skin. but there are times that creep into my mind where i think it won't happen. that there will be another still and silent birth. i hate feeling this way. but with every cram…

way of the master bashes XXXchurch

this is a prime example of why i hated Christians, why i hated the church. i get so tired of one 'christian' organization bashing another. what does this do? do you honestly think that by bashing an organization that reaches out to the unloved, it will help them someone see the love of Christ? it always brings me back to the day i was walking into a porno for pyro's concert while i was getting lambasted by 'christians' telling me that i was
going to hell. great. that helps me. that shows me love.

this crap happens every friggin' day. it really frustrates me. and then we have these way of the master guys. get of your pedestal and look at the log in your own eye. sorry. this stuff just really pisses me off.

i was going to copy the video here, but i'm just so disgusted, i'm not going to. if you want to see the video of kirk camerons 'christian' organization bashing the amazing work that XXXchurch does, it's here.

ya know, if you don&#…

an invitation

to the 2-hour lost premiere...this thursday, 8pm.   come bring in the new season at the newmans.  popcorn will be flying of course.  we've lost all of our original group.  everyone seems to be moving away, so we're wanting to start a new group.   you know you want to. 
never watched lost?  here's a run down in 8 minutes...

weepy worship

we haven't been singing worship much...either we're greeting or communing with friends, but tonight we made it a point to go in and worship before noel taught.  which was amazing by the way!!  both before and after the teaching, songs made me break down.  it all started with the song 'blessed be His name'.  i was fine until the words 'He gives and takes away' hit my lips. here i stood.  pregnant.  baby kicking me as i sang and realizing that He gave us this child just as lovingly as He took our last.  it was heartbreaking and breathtaking at the same time.  it was at the moment that i remembered how much He loves me. which doesn't make sense to many people....i mean how many someone love me and take my child from me at the same time.  but i just know that He does.  it just makes sense to me.  and though i want my beautiful little girl in my arms right now, she's in heaven.  she won't ever feel the harsh realities of this world.  she'll never kno…
my throat hurts.  i'm not happy.  i really don't want to get sick.  i've been laying low all day.  sleeping on and off.  i actually feel ok, but my left lymph node is swollen and tender.  argh.


one thing i don't like about pregnancy...
ligament pain...
you get it from little things.  like twisting too quick, getting up out of a car or from a seated position in a quick manner.  it seems to happen a lot.  and of course, every time it happens, even while i was pregnant with Jorai, i feel like i may be losing the baby.  the pain only lasts for 30 seconds-1 minute, but it's sharp and surrounds the baby, and, well, not so pleasant.  
just thought i'd share.


i cannot express to you enough, how breath taking it is to feel this baby moving within me.  the stillness of Jorai still haunts me.  knowing something was wrong in june, no movements for a while...but not wanting to grasp the reality of her loss.  it's hard to describe being so elated one moment and so empty the next.  my belly, although held our child since september, still felt empty to me until i started feeling movement.  it wasn't that i wasn't excited to be pregnant, or looking forward to this child's was just that i went from a beautiful pregnancy in may to utter despair and stillness in june.  from june until january, i was healing and then trying to conceive and then the realization hit that i was i was excited and filled with joy yet anxious and scared and uneasy.  all of those things, i still am...but my belly is different.  my belly, is no longer still.  
as i was sitting here, remembering my baby girl and looking through grief supp…

pregnancy loss resources

i was on one of my favorite organic baby sites today when i realized they had items to 'help comfort' women who have gone through a loss. i thought it was really cool. i then started poking around and found that this site, that i've been on tons of times before, have a whole listing of loss resources. one of them was now i lay me down to sleep, which is an amazing organization that will come to you and take professional photos of you and your child for free. also on their site, is a page that helps give you ideas of how to help someone grieve. that was one of the biggest questions we got after the initial wave of grief had left, 'what do you suggest people do if someone they know goes though a loss?'.

every one is different. every one deals with loss differently. my brother, for example, never came to see us. in fact, he didn't call us for over a week and then he just tried to make jokes. he later told me that he was too bust with his 1 yr old. we have…

lazy neighbor

this morning my neighbor woke me from a sound sleep because he thought it would be a marvelous idea to blow the snow off his driveway and sidewalk with a high power leaf blower.  tonight, since it snowed all day, he's out there again, blowing away.  blowing it!  it's powder.  it doesn't take much to shovel.  i mean, i did it this morning and i'mpreggo.  
and blowing it at 6:30pm is a bit different that 8am.  i wasn't a happy camper this morning.  in fact i was so snarky, i wanted to scream out my window at him.  but i didn't.  he's never done this before.  what's up with that? i've never seen anyone blow the snow with a leaf blower before.  it's ridiculous.  
silly neighbor.


why doesn't lansing have better shopping options? we're the capitol of mi. we have many a healthy beatnik folk running the why don't we have more of a natural hub of expertise around these parts? i'm starting to want to live around d-town for the shear ability to have opportunities...

things that should come to lansing...

trader joes. why don't we have one? ann arbor has one, d-town has did lansing get missed. sure, we have better heath food and foods for living that will rake you over the coals after they take all your money. i just spent $3.50 for a bag of cereal. when i opened it, there was only half a bag of actual cereal...i got 3 bowls out of it. what's up with that? and we do have the co-op...which is lovely, but not well stocked and high priced as well. but local, so that's cool!

if not trader joes, why not whole foods. yeah, they're expensive, but talk about variety! come on!!

and then where are our natural baby…

sweet punkin pie

we had our ultrasound today.  it was so cool.  this child is such a mover, the ultrasound tech had a hard time getting a piture!  we had quite a few really cool pics of Jorai.  with this child we have 3 and 2 are about the same!  too funny.  i keep telling steve our child's moving around, kicking and punching me...i think he was starting not to belive me since he can't feel anything yet.  but when he saw that child on the screen,moving all over the place, he was amazed.  
we didn't get a good pic of the cord.  i think i'm going to ask my doc if she could refer me to a 3 or 4-d ultrasound so we can see the cord better.  just to make me feel better.  
it was wonderful to see our baby moving and fully formed within me.  the heart was pumping like crazy...~150 bpm, it looked like she was sucking her thumb and we even saw her open and close her mouth.  pretty cool.  i wish i could see that every week!!  
and no...we're not finding out the sex.  the child hide herself well!…

dream world

i keep having dreams where steve either leaves our marriage or is having an affair. and they're super real. i wake up exhausted because i've been crying and yelling and trying to understand, the entire night. last night he was laughing at me as he was leaving. and i would wake up, hurt and exhausted, to only fall right back into the same dream. they are horrible. and i don't understand why i keep having them. i mean, i've read that it's normal to have dreams like this, but it's also normal to have sex dreams and baby dreams. why can't i have a little sex in my dream? huh? or a baby dream like i use to in my first trimester. all i'm getting are horrible, gut retching dreams of my husband laughing at and leaving me.

i'm sad. and tired. i finally just got up to stop the dream cycles. i think i'm going to be a bit snarky today.

my pelvis did slip

so much so that one leg was longer than the other. she fixed it about 50% but she didn't want to go any now i get to go to p.t. over the next month.

it already feels better. the pain and pressure is still there, but not as much as it was. i'm happy.

i felt the baby move!

well, my hands did. of course i've been feeling movements internally for a bit now, but last night and then this morning as i was lying in bed on my back with my hands on my belly, and i felt out little miracle move! this makes me uber excited because that means that steve will finally be able to enjoy the movement as well. yea!

also, wish me luck. i'm off to the d.o. to get my pelvis manipulated. let's see if it works.


has anyone used adsense before? i was thinking of giving it a go, seeing that you can make a little extra coin. but i wasn't sure if it was worth it or not.

let me know...

2nd baby showers

the topic of holding a baby shower for some one's second baby has recently come up. i found out that it's 'poo pooed' upon to have a baby shower for the second baby. i want to know what's up with that?!?

babies should be celebrated no matter what order then come in and i personally think that the pregnant woman, should be pampered a bit too. pregnancy is hard. being a parent is hard. and all children all a blessing. so where does it come from to only have one shower?

i could understand if you don't have a traditional shower with all the baby gear, but at least you can celebrate the mom and the new baby. celebrate the gift and miracle of pregnancy and labor and a baby coming into the world!

i vow to celebrate every pregnancy, every baby. i'm putting an end to only celebrating the 1st babe. come on ladies, make babies! let's have a party!!

my friend beth and her cute little tummy!!


our little kiddo is about 10" from head to foot!!!

never underestimate the power of a pregnant womens craving

yesterday i made hungarian mushroom soup. very yummy, very creamy, huge chucks of mushroom with paprika and dill. it was my first soup of the winter. i need to make more soup. i have a potato kale that's yummy too. anyway, around 7ish, i started to crave a particular item.

cupcakes. why cupcakes, i have no idea. i never eat cupcakes...i think i'm going to blame monaca, since she and will were talking about eating cupcakes the other day...but whatever the reason, i was craving them. i ran upstairs because i thought i had a leftover box of organic cake from our wedding...yeah, our wedding...anyway, it wasn't was frosting. but that didn't stop me, which brings me to my title.

never underestimate the power of a pregnant womens craving

did i just go for a bowl of ice-cream? maybe a bowl of cereal? NO. even after i made a large supper from scratch...even after i new i didn't have a quick way to make cupcakes, i still made them. i made them from scra…

good bye

sir edmund hillary died last friday. he was only 88. npr did a nice little piece on him. if you don't know who he is, he was the first person to ever summit everest. he did it with his sherpa in 1953. after the summit he began his humanitarian work for the sherpa people in the himalayas. he established the himalayan trust in the early 1960s and worked until his death to raise funds and build schools and hospitals in the mountains. he was a pretty amazing bloke.

he was the most well respected persons in new zealand. here's their coverage.

smoothie bliss and spelling bees

so i decided to pull out the vita mix yesterday to make a smoothie. it turned out to be one yummy smoothie. i threw in some milk and soft tofu, a banana, some frozen raspberries and a few frozen peach slices. steve thought it was the creamiest smoothie he'd ever had. it was pretty yummy.

i just made a chocolate banana shake. that was pretty naughty too. so, does it make it better that i put a banana in it? by doing that, did it take some of the bad stuff away?


yesterday, jen called and asked if we wanted free tickets to the 25th annual putnam county spelling bee. i wasn't sure about it. i didn't know how good a musical about a spelling bee could be, but i figured they were free and steve and i need to be getting out and enjoying dates before the baby comes, so we took them.

we were just excited to get out of the house, but as we showed our tickets to the usher, he said 'wow!, you're all they way in front!'. thinking we didn't hear him quite …

another snack debacal

after searching for over an hour in babies r us for registry items today, my sweet tooth was ranging. thinking that cold stone was just up the street, i started thinking of a chocolate milkshake. of course my anticipation grew as i neared the store but it came crashing to a hault when the store looked dark. could they be closed? it was could it be closed. the hours said that they should be open, there were no postings on the door telling me i got out of my car and went to open the door.

locked. you've got to be kidding me?

again! my craving will not be satisfied. blasted!!! is God trying to tell me to lay off the snacks or what?!?!

pissed off, i drove all the way to frador so i could go to baskinrobbins. my shake wasn't very good. but i still got to partake in my craving.

stinking cold stone.

girly talk

~WARNING~ the below talks about pregnancy craziness

ok, so last night i felt my under wire bra cutting into me. which isn't fun. but i thought it was strange, seeing this is a nice bra. never had a problem with it. but i do wear it a lot so i just though that maybe it's just seen it's better days.

but of course i still put it on this morning. and around noon, i felt some major bra pressure so i took a look...there was a deep red line circumferencing my torso. is that the right word? anyway...i have a sneaky suspicion that my milk is coming in. guess it's time for a bigger bra!

so why am i blogging about this?

i find the miracle of pregnancy and birth fascinating. and for any woman who has gone through either and still believes there's no God, her disbelief baffles me. for any man who has witnessed their significant other progressing though a pregnancy and then have held his newborn baby and still believes there's no God, his disbelief baffles me. my broth…

vending machine rage

into my mind, the i don't ask it for much. i think in the 3 years that i've worked here i've asked the local vending machine maybe 5 or 6 times for a treat. that's all... today as a craving hit and my justification of losing the few pounds that i had gained creeped into my mind, the cheeto craving won. as i walked down to the vending machine with my crisp dollar in hand, my anticipation flew will be a nice crunchy and salty snack. and even though it's exuberant price made me cringe, i couldn't deny the craving. so i inserted my dollar and pushed the a and 4 buttons as my mouth began to salivate. and what do i get? do i hear the little metal bracket swivel the yummy package open and see it falls to my open little hands. oh no. see the machine is against me. instead i hear a beep and the machine tells me to make another selection. make another selection? what? there they are. sitting there behind the glass divider. staring at me. temptin…

preggo update

so i'm 18 weeks. the weeks are coming a bit faster now, as are the aches and pains, but i can deal! i have a strange pressure feeling in my lower areas (enough explanation) that makes it feels as if this lil' babe is just falling out. which is scary, but from what i hear, not a big deal...though i'm going to have the doc check my areas quite thoroughly to make sure all is where it should be. the pressure comes and it should be ok.

i've also lost the whole 2 pounds that i had originally gained, which sucks. i thought i was doing good. my front is definitely growing, so it's strange to see and feel my girth yet not have it register on the scales. and i thought this holiday season had put on a few pounds...and seeing that i ate almost a half gallon of ice cream this weekend, you would think that would also kick on some weight...not that i'm complaining!!! but i do still worry about this child.

i hate worrying. i wish i could give it all up to the …

grocery shopping

i'm a kroger shopper. i used to think that the were a bit higher at times and they seem not to have a great selection...but that's where i go. i do like meijer, but i cannot stand the south cedar one. it's always a zoo and it seems the prices are high and the people are rude. but i kept hearing to give it a go during the day. i heard that it wasn't as busy and they have a decent supply of organics. they do have a decent supply of organics, but they're expensive and the store is crammed. i was walking through that store this morning, trying my hardest to shop and i felt so rushed because people were shoving me out of the way, i just about ran out screaming. to top it off...none of their ice cream was on sale! how can that be? then, as i was checking out with my cloth bags, the checker lady seemed not to know how to handle cloth bags. as if she thought that you had to handle them differently than the plastic ones. it took her about 15 minutes to check me …


have you ever had one of those moments when all of a sudden you feel completely blessed and totally unworthy at the same time? right now, i feel that way. steve and i have wanted to do a few things around the house and maybe get a new washer/dryer, but they all cost money and well...we hate dipping into savings for things we want but don't necessarily need... and for Christmas, both sets of parents gave us a nice chuck of change to put towards stuff. we felt so blessed. then, i've been thinking about getting a new rocker for the nursery. i've heard they're nice to have, but they're expensive and i wasn't sure if it would be worth it. but at a friends house a few weeks back, i found out they had one they were going to sell, and when i asked them how much they wanted for it they wouldn't take anything. so we got a nice and free glider. then i just returned from a friends house who had delivered her baby boy a little over a week ago and she gave me to…