preggo update

so i'm 18 weeks. the weeks are coming a bit faster now, as are the aches and pains, but i can deal! i have a strange pressure feeling in my lower areas (enough explanation) that makes it feels as if this lil' babe is just falling out. which is scary, but from what i hear, not a big deal...though i'm going to have the doc check my areas quite thoroughly to make sure all is where it should be. the pressure comes and goes...so it should be ok.

i've also lost the whole 2 pounds that i had originally gained, which sucks. i thought i was doing good. my front is definitely growing, so it's strange to see and feel my girth yet not have it register on the scales. and i thought this holiday season had put on a few pounds...and seeing that i ate almost a half gallon of ice cream this weekend, you would think that would also kick on some weight...not that i'm complaining!!! but i do still worry about this child.

i hate worrying. i wish i could give it all up to the Man, but i can't. which is silly. my worry is not going to help anything. and i know this. i tell myself this every day...but still i worry on. in fact to be quite honest, i almost don't want to go to the dr. on friday because i fear that i'll be lying there as she tries desperately to find the heartbeat, and just like in june, there will only be silence. that scene haunts me. but then i shake myself and realize that these thoughts are silly. which they are. but they're still there.

i'll give you all an update on friday.