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Showing posts from June, 2009

big boy

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I still look at Asher and think 'WOW!!! A year ago this amazing little boy was inside of me!' Well, I guess it's been over a year now. My little boy is a year and almost 3 weeks! Crazy.

He's gone from this little baby to a rambunctious walking and talking toddler! It's been such an amazing year to watch his growth. I know I've been lax lately about posting pictures and updates...seeing his birthday was 3 weeks ago and still no pictures have been uploaded! I'll work on that this weekend! Until then, I think there are a few things I need to post before Asher stops doing them and I forget. So here's a new list of some things he now does:

When he bumps into something or falls, instead of crying he now looks at me, scrunches up his face to pout and squint his eyes and then growls. It's hilarious! I try not to laugh, but most times I fail.He has found his wonder down under. And whenever he's diaperless he has to explore, which usually means j…

help, I've fallen

I feel as if I've fallen in a bit of a rut lately. I feel blah. I feel like I'm at home all day teaching and playing and laughing and running and throwing and chasing my amazing child around. And when he's sleeping, I'm recovering from teaching and playing and laughing and running and throwing and chasing...or I'm cleaning and picking up and washing diapers and dishes and floors and toilets just to watch them all get destroyed again. That's my day. Over and over again. I'm not complaining. I want to be here for my son. We're poor and we can't do or buy the things we used to, but it's all worth it. I love my new job.

But some days I don't want to do the cleaning and picking up and making dinner and washing dishes. Some days, I want someone to take care of me. Some days I want to be a child again. Man, we had it made didn't we?!?! I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have really appreciated my mom more! Being a stay a…

Me'ah

In Hebrew, Me'ah means heart. More literally it means the place of love.

When we were deciding what to get inscribed on Asher's new chair, we wanted to get something that symbolized Jorai. In correspondence we sign a heart for Jorai. So we originally wanted to get a heart monogrammed into the fabric. But they don't do symbols. Because of that, we chose to translate heart into another language. In our searching we found Me'ah and fell in love with the idea.

And then we found out that they couldn't do punctuation. Blasted. So, we chose to keep Me'ah and just place a space between the letters. They told us that it would be Me ah. I thought I could find a way to get an apostrophe in there. When we received the chair, it was spelled Me Ah. It looks like crap. Thankfully they said that because someone promised that we could have lowercase letters after the space, and they were wrong, we could return it.

So now we're going to get it spelled Meah. No sp…

Conception

This month we're going to start 'trying' to concieve. It's funny. Until about 2 weeks ago, I really haven't been ready to think about getting pregnant. But over the past few weeks, I went from being scared to thinking I just couldn't do it, to thinking that maybe I could do it to being really excited about giving Asher another sibling.

I wonder a lot how this pregnancy will go...if I get preggers. Will I be a basketcase as I was with Asher? Or will I be OK. Maybe a mix...I'm not sure. But I'm excited about the future. I'm ready, well, as ready as a mama can be. It might happen this month, or next month or in another month...maybe never...but I'm excited about the possibility and I think that's cool.

Here's to good fertility!

Advice please.

For the past year and almost 1 week, I have nursed Asher to sleep. Well, not 'to sleep', but it's the last thing that happens before I place him in his crib at night. He's one of those kids that's ALWAYS on the go, unless he's nursing to sleep. That is the only thing that calms him down. Although he loves baths and gets them almost nightly, they're not a calming time. They're a play and splash time. We read books, but that too is not a real quiet time as he's walking around with the book, pulling out toys and really, not even paying attention to the book most times. So here's the delima...

I'm the solo putter to bed parent. Steve helps with baths and PJ's and stories, but then it's all me. I actually love this time. But I also would love to not be strapped down at bed time. I'd like to have a sitter some nights who could put the boy down. We've started to talk about sleep training Asher to get him used to not havi…

Asher week 53

Asher week 52

Asher week 51

Asher week 50

Asher week 49

Asher week 48

Birthday surprises

WOW! Asher is 1. Well, almost 1. Officially, he'll be 1 @ 11:28 this evening...but still...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHER!!!

In celebration of his own birthday, he's already given us a morning birthday present that was dropped on the floor. I guess letting your 1 year old, walk around diaperless isn't the best idea! And then he proceeded to use his new play broom to push it around. FUN!! So I got to clean up Asher poo off the floor plus take a new favorite toy away from a very sad little boy because it too, was poopy. It's been a very exciting birthday morning over here!

After an almost napless day yesterday, he did manage to pull an 11 1/2 hour uninterrupted sleep last night! That's his longest stretch so far. And he's been happy as a clam all day with the exception on me taking his poop broom away. I'm sure he's excited for his big family birthday celebration on Saturday. We really don't have anything planned for today...does that make me a ba…

Happy Birthday Jorai Mae

I'm surprised at how OK I am today. Maybe it's because I have a little ball of laughter who wants extra snuggles today...I don't know. But I'm OK. Thanks for everyone who has emailed and called to let us know you're thinking about us today. It means so much. I miss Jorai. I really, miss her every day and this day is just another day...but it's not...and this is hard to describe, but I'm glad it feels like just another day to me this year. Is that wrong?

I guess what I'm saying is, last night I could feel myself being transported back to that hospital bed. The noises and smells and regrets. The coldness and silence and gut retching sorrow...but then I prayed. I prayed hard. I prayed for those thoughts melt away, but mostly I prayed for my friends little boy who in the hospital right because his heart is racing too face, and I prayed for friends and pastors and family and health...I prayed and prayed...and then fell asleep, to wake feeling joy…

Terrible news revisited

2 years ago, we received the most terrible news we could have heard.
'This is where your child's heart is. I'm sorry to say that it's not beating'Our dreams with this child were shattered. 2 years ago I was lying in a hospital bed, waiting to deliver a child that would never look at me. Never reach for me or call me mama. I was laying in a hospital ward filled with people becoming parents to screaming babies, but I knew mine would be so silent.

Tomorrow we're going to celebrate Jorai's birth. And we've been talking about her and deciding what we want to do to celebrate, but it never hit me until 2 minutes ago where we were 2 years ago. I'm not going back there tonight. I don't have the energy. It's too devastating to think about.

I wish I could fix this problem. I wish no one had to go through this type of loss. I'll never be able to wrap my mind or heart around it. My heart aches thinking about it.

2 years ago I was planning …