carol update

28 July 2005

Yesterday Carol got her breathing tube removed. The surgery went well. Although, because it wasn't scheduled, they weren't able to insert the feeding tube. But I guess they may be able to do it in her room with a local. Some Great news came through last night though! Yesterday, instead of the Dr. calling Carol's name and getting no response, Rich called out to her. She opened her eyes and tracked toward him. There was also a moment when Rich was holding Carol's hand that she gently squeezed it! These little miracles seem to keep coming.

please keep the prayers coming.

Carol has been in the hospital since last Thursday in a drug induced coma. She went in for surgery and had a reaction to the drug they gave her before the anesthetic. Every time we go to the CICU, there are upwards of 20 people all crammed into the waiting room. The outpour of love has been remarkable yet the sadness of it all has been hard to take. Harder than I thought. The look on Rich's face breaks me every time. The distraught emotion that fills the room. It's hard to take. I have no words to express to them. I show up and embrace them, show my support, but I wish I could do more. I wish I knew what else to do. I'm at a loss. Please pray for them. That's all we can do.

Last Sunday I was talking to a couple of people about food when the subject of milk came up. I was saying how we're the only mammals that drink milk past infancy. Dan said 'yeah, and we get our milk from another mammal. That's just like a cow going up to dog for a drink!' thanks for the visual Dan.

I've been thinking about this all week.
Humans are so gross.

Let the SON shine down (version 2)

21 July 2005

the feeling of being broken has always been a 2 edged sword. The feeling of 'why is this happening' mixed with 'what will I learn' and 'what will happen next'…is such a daunting feeling. But I wanted to share a bit because I've just been taught a huge lesson.

Relationships are so easy yet so difficult at the same time. Most times I'll be walking down the road thinking things are fine but then I trip, and land smack dab on my face. It's scary. For those of you who know us well, you know we struggle with certain things…which I'm not going to talk about, but my life is open, so if you want to talk, email me. For those who don't know, we have a completely honest relationship (most times). We freely talk about struggles and failures and everything. We seemed to have it under pretty great control…but then failure came on a cold night in March. It rocked me. The truth was told and it sliced through. My insecurities went ramped and I shut down, and as I shut down, so did our communication. We both fought insecurities and failed miserably while all along, satan walked right next to us telling us lies…so here we are in July…not so honest. Not honest, because of not wanting to hurt the other, as we listened to satans ploys.

So this is what happened. I made goals, had expectations…(yes, I've talked about these 2 evils before…see entry on 29 June). And when those expectations didn't pan out, what else did I have other than my insecurity? So I broke. And how did this help my partner cope with failure? It made him not want to be honest because he didn't want to hurt me. Which then quickly helped our relationship to crumble…underneath all the love, it was crumbling ~ and we were completely unaware. Until it all came out on a sticky July morning… lies. Lies upon lies upon lies. Covering 1 thing. Sin. The same sin that us hurt last time and because he didn't want to hurt me, he lied. Because he lied, his sin was no longer accountable. Because he lied, his guilt ate at him. Sin kills.

Ok…I know this is long, but I think it's important…please listen when I say that as hard as it is to do so, we have to give all things to GOD. In relationships, we have to place our insecurities at the cross and be supportive and forgiving of people. No expectations. We WILL fail. It's inevitable. There is only 1 perfect person, and that is JESUS CHRIST.

If there is one thing I have learned it’s 'love wins'. Unconditional love wins. No expectations, no deception, just pure, open, forgiving and accepting love. It's hard because we all are selfish. But it's time to put away the selfish desires and simply love others.

And for those of you who care…our relationship is stronger than ever.

i'm broken today. please pray for me to know GODS will and to learn the things HE needs me to from events that have happened in my life. i don't want to talk about it, but please pray for me.

Florida = Hurricanes. any question 's

12 July 2005

I'm seriously trying my best NOT to be judgmental or harsh but knowing that Florida gets hit with hurricanes EVERY year, I have to wonder how much sympathy we should be giving to people whose houses have been affected by the storm. Sad, yes. That would suck. But if you move to Florida, wouldn’t you think that there might be an extremely huge possibility that you may have to experience a storm that may affect your house in some way? Every summer we hear about these storms hitting Florida. Almost every year they have declared parts of Florida a disaster to get federal funds. Every year! This storm left hundreds of thousands of people without power, at least five people died and damage estimates range from 1 to 5 billion dollars.

On the way home from work yesterday there was a woman being interviewed from Florida. She said that the mobile home she lives in had it's roof partly torn off from the hurricane. They had just finished repaired the damage from Ivan. They quoted her saying that she hates it that people without much money have to keep starting over because of all these storms.



  • So, I have this little problem. I want to be the doer rather than the supplier. I know there's a time for everything and I need to wait for the door to be opened but I want to go now. Don't get me wrong! I get great joy out of supporting people and organizations and I know GOD uses us all differently. Many ministries would never be able to happen without supporters…but I still ache to be the doer. Is that wrong? I feel joyful that the money I give is changing lives but I'd still like to be the person in the heart of Africa giving food or education to a child or on some bus touring around singing to people about GOD's message, even though I can’t sing. Why is the grass always greener on the other side and why can't I find contentment in just where I am. Where I am is where GOD needs me right now. Why is it so hard to see that at times?


    06 July 2005

    My boyfriend rocks. Seriously I have the coolest man around the block. This whole birthday thing was hard for me, which I hate to admit…but ya gotta admit your flaws right??? Yesterday I was embracing the fact that I'm 30 and thought well, lets at least get a few people together for some sushi…little did I know that Steve was planning a surprise party for me. How amazing! Walking into my house, thinking I'm going to change for dinner and having a group of people jump out blowing horns at me was crazy! But it was just what I needed. Seeing everything he had been planning (and scheming!!! The little stinker) was amazing and filled me with such joy I can't even describe. Thank you my friend! It was the best birthday I've had thus far!

    Let the SON shine down

    05 July 2005

    Have you ever seen someone so entrapped in their own sin that you can barely see the person they are outside their sin? It's like trying to see the sun on a haze filled day. You know the sun's shining down, and at times you can see the rays breaking through the clouds, but mostly, all you see is haze. This weekend I was able to see the sun through the clouds. I was able to see someone break through their sin and reveal the person GOD wants them to be. It was amazing. I was apprehensive about being around this person because they are so aggressively bossy and things always have to go their way. But they let go of some the sin they're so wrapped up in and allowed their love to shine on through. It was amazing. We are all so trapped at times. To see this breakthrough was such a blessing in my life. Thank you Lord for all the teachings you shower down upon me and for showing me how we all can be clouded by our sins. It's time for us all to let the light shine down upon us.