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Showing posts from June, 2010

2 years!

People keep coming up to me and saying 'WOW! You've already popped!'...or... 'Do you have twins in there?'. Ya just gotta love all the comments that come with pregnancy...but at least I am pregnant and it's just not people thinking I am. Not that I'm a chunk...I've actually lost all the baby weight...but there's a problems that occurs when you've been pregnant for as long as I have...and it's a hard 'bump' to get rid of.

As I was contemplating all of my pregnancies and how fast I start to 'bulge' out, I started counting. These are the stats.
I got pregnant with Jorai in late November '06. I was 28 weeks when we lost her in June '07. I got pregnant with Asher in September '08 and carried 40 weeks 1 day, delivering him in June '08.I got pregnant with Selah in August '09. I was 24 weeks when we lost her in December '09I got pregnant with this little bean of ours on May 15th '10....So from Dece…

Abiding Hope collages

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There's a beautiful babyloss mama who makes memorial collages and posts them on her website. Her website is Abiding Hope Collages and like most babyloss mama's, she provides this memorial for free. You give her a few words or phrases that describe your child and even foot prints if you'd like, and she creates beautiful memorials. Here are the ones that she made for Jorai and Selah. I've turned them negative to better see them.




Sickness and sleepless nights abound

Last week Asher started drooling like a drunk man. It was disgusting. It was worse than when he was 8 months old. SO gross. So of course I figured that he was teething...which I still kinda think he was, but it turned out to be so much more. It turned into a virus called herpangina, which is related to herpes, but no it doesn't affect the vagina...it causes painful ulcers on the tongue and throat. So painful that kids can't eat. It's supposedly a 'mild' virus, though it was never mild for Asher. He had a low grade fever, but also developed a horsey cough and today his nose started running river loads. It's been a rough week. We went to the doc. this morning...for the third time this week....and he now has an ear infection! Poor buddy. It's his first ear infection...his first round of anti-biotics and his first taste of food coloring and high fructose corn syrup which was in a cough syrup they gave us. I find it interesting that they fill med…

Coolest toddler gift ever!

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Who doesn't love to be tickled? I mean, you hate it...but love it, right?. And kids, LOVE it. They run back to you over and over again to get tickled. Just yesterday our neighbor buddy crawled up into my lap, specifically to get tickled. Crazy kid!

Asher got the coolest present for his birthday a few weeks ago and I just have to share it. It's called 'Tickle Monster'. It's a book by Josie Bissett. A seriously cute book...and as an extra, you can buy the tickle monster gloves. Asher L-O-V-E-S it. Loves it. And you can buy it as a set now too. It's seriously a great gift...I think it's my new gift for folks. Love it!

Trust

I've been thinking about this for awhile and was never really sure how to put it to paper, so to speak, so bare with me.

I have a lot of fears with pregnancy and even with Asher still. Obviously I have my reasons. It comes with the territory. I worry each day that I'm losing this child. I look for blood stains and I question the fact that I still haven't started getting nauseous yet. I still check on Asher all through the night, almost shaking him awake to make sure he's not sleeping too soundly and won't wake up. I know...I'm neurotic. I worry all the time. I blog about it sometimes, but in honesty, I don't blog about half my fears as I know the answer I'll get. And in a way, I hate typing these posts because I would hate for people to take them the wrong way...I appreciate words of advice and wisdom...I truly do. But there's one that just never sits right with me. 'Trust the Lord'

I think if there's anyone out there that t…

Future endeavors

I've been thinking about my life as a babyloss Mama for along time now...three years actually. I know that want to help people. I always have. I guess I figure that I was taken down this road for a reason and I want to be able to honor my girls with something good. Since losing Jorai, I've wondered what I could do, but nothing really seemed to take root. I am making a website that will be up...sometime...and I lobby for stillbirth legislation when I can...I also have plans to talk to local hospitals about their baby loss procedures...but I've always wanted to do more. But what?

Another babyloss friend of mine made this amazing penpal program site to link up people who have gone through similar losses and I'm simply amazed by it. It's so cool. And it's unlike anything else I've seen before. After seeing her site, the quest to find something I can do and that fits me, got even more intense.

And then one day I realized that I knew exactly what I wan…

near-death

One day shy of turning two, I almost lost my boy. This was the first time I've actually been really scared.

While we were on a walk tonight, we stopped by a friends house. All was fine until My son and his friend decided to walk down the hill to their backyard. What I had forgotten, was that they had a coi pond in the back. It wasn't until my friend reminded me that it started to sink in how much Asher loves water. As soon as I started to walk towards their backyard I saw Asher going right towards the thing. I started running and yelling 'STOP!, STOP!'. But as always, he didn't stop and to my horror I saw him slip in. He flipped to his back and started sinking. By the time I reached him, his mouth and nose was under the water and these huge brown eyes were staring at me with such fright that I almost lost it. But thankfully I kept my calm and my mama instincts kicked in. I caught his pant leg and lifted him right out of the water. He was freaked. I wa…

Complete and Total Barf-A-Rama

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Do you remember the story Gordy told in the movie 'Stand By Me', about Davie 'Lardass' Hogan? The one about the pie eating contest where the picked on kid got even by eating too much pie, and then made himself puke all over everyone...well...this is the vision I get some times when someone says something ridiculous.

I know it's wrong....but when I hear someone complaining about their pregnancy or telling me or someone else how disappointed they are about being pregnant....I wish I could open my mouth and spew puke all over them.

I know...it's really mean. I know pregnancy is hard...I know that pregnancies sometimes come when they're not planned...but for all of my friends who have tried for years to conceive and have yet to have success, to all my friends who have lost one, two, three, plus...children and for my own hurt, all I want to do is scream. All I want to do is grab onto their shoulders and shake them silly. I want them to take one step in my sho…

dreams

The other night I dreamt that this baby growing within was born. My child crawled out of me. There was no pushing...no doctors...the baby crawled out. Crawled. Strange...I know.

I'm trying not to get excited here...but with both Jorai and Selah, I had death dreams prior to their passing. Though this baby crawled out...and that was strange...he/she was alive and looked to be full term. Not to say I could have a death dream in the future...or not and still lose him/her...but...

I'm just saying.

Still expecting the worse...but what if...

potty training 101

I need advice!

Asher is starting to show signs that he may, in fact be ready to start potty training. Of course I'm not going to pressure him, at all...but I do want to have some things ready and start introducing the concept to him.

Yesterday, as I was in the bathroom doing my hair, Asher came in, climbed onto the toilet, which was the first time he's ever done this, and started pushing to poo. He them climbed down and laid himself over his foot stool to finish the job. The laying across something for leverage has always been his preferred method of poo. Later in the day, he again, brought something to me, to show me that he needed to go.

Now, I'm trying not to get excited here. And I definitely do not want to push him in any way, I just want to start introducing him to things.

So here are my questions:
What potty's do you like? I'm looking for a potty seat for the toilet. We have a Bjorn potty chair and I think I may get another one for upstairs, but I was…

Happy birthday Jorai

Today marks my baby girls' 3rd birthday. I can't even begin to explain the thoughts that run through my mind. I wonder what she would have been like...what she would would be doing today...I wonder what her laugh would sound like or what my heart would feel if she threw her arms around me.

It's been three years, though it still feels as if it were yesterday. Three years. It's been three years since I last saw you, held you, kissed you. Three long, long years, my love. I miss you so. I love you.

Happy birthday miss Jorai Mae. Whoop it up with Jesus my sweet. We'll be missing you and hugging you from down here.