Showing posts from June, 2011

What milk is this?

In an attempt not to waste any mama milk, I decided to fill Asher's nap bottle (yes, he still gets a bottle for nap and night...don't judge!) with some left over breast milk. I figured it hasn't been all that long since he nursed, and he nursed for so long that he probably wouldn't care. So I filled it and gave it to him and turned around to get Greyson...from in his room I hear a whine then a "Mama, wass this? Wass milk is this? Wass bottle? Me no like this bottle!" I tried to explain to him how special that milk was and how much he used to like that kind of milk. I told him it was nursing milk and so good for him. "No Mama, no like this bottle! Me like different bottle." Of course all said in his perfect little whine.

So, down the stairs I go, watch the precious milk cascade down the drain and watch the cow milk take it's place. boo. As soon as I gave the new bottle to Asher he exclaimed "I like this bottle Mama!" &quo…

life update

I feel as if I'm in a whirlwind! What a difference life has been, going from 1 living child to two. Wowza! I'm exhausted. truly exhausted. Emotionally as well as physically, but I love nearly every moment! Yes, there are times I want to run screaming, but I love my boys. And what a joy it's been seeing the differences in them and watching the awestruck in Greyson's eyes every time he watches his big brother. It's so cool. I can already see the love between them. Asher still is completely in love with his little brother as well. I love seeing that.

Asher keeps talking about his baby sister. It's weird. I'm sure he's just confused as we talk to him about his older and younger sisters, but it's weird hearing him talk about his baby sister. Just hearing the word sister sends chills down my spine. He was so young when we lost Selah. Though he knew something happened, he never really got it. And though he sees pictures of his sisters and…

lil' boys

Here's a comparison of my two boys. Both taken nearly at the same age, 3/4ish months in the same outfit. It's so crazy to see how different they look. And Asher was so much larger. The crazy thing is that he's actually nearly 4 weeks older than Greyson and he still looks bigger! It's so fun to watch them grow. I love it. Being a mom to them is worth all the loss and tears. What a joy they are in my life. What a complete joy.

birthday cake~ BEST chocolate cake recipe!

I've come to the realization that I'm physically unable to make a 'pretty' cake or pie...and that's OK, because what they lack in beauty, they surpass in taste. I've had to embrace it! I have to admit, I'm a pretty good baker. I don't know how I became one. I probably got it from my mom because she rocks in the baking department, but she can make things look wonderful. I'm the kind of baker where you look at my creation and think "wow...this is going to suck!", but then you taste it and are pleasantly surprised. Case in point, Asher's birthday cake. I had such grand plans to make an awesome drum major hat cake, but it just didn't work out. It was cute and all, but in no way what I thought it would be. And though the cake was seriously the best cake I've ever made, it was incredibly hard to ice. Even when I put a crumb coat on it. I made some chocolate instrument molds that I used to cover up some mistakes, and those…

Happy birthday Jorai!

Jorai would have been 4 years old today. I can't believe it's been four years since I met her and held her and told her how much I loved her. Four years ago my life changed forever in so many ways. I'll never be the same.

Each year, we celebrate her brief life on the anniversary of her birth. Yet birth to me has always meant life and she never had one outside of me. I still try to wrap my mind around all of it but come up with nothing. How do you celebrate a birthday for someone who never lived on earth? But how can you not as well? How could I ignore my daughters life? It's such a dichotomy.

So, today my sweet baby girl would have been four. I miss her like mad. I wish I could see her face, her eyes, her smile. I wish I could hear her laugh, her little voice. I wish I could feel her skin, her embrace. I wish, I wish...

Happy birthday sweet baby girl. I miss you, we miss you. I love you, we love you. Wish you were here my love. We'll celebrate you…