Showing posts from December, 2007

new years

so another year passes us by. i thought we'd be celebrating a lot differently this year. it's strange to have pictured an event and see it happen so differently. instead of celebrating with an infant, we're celebrating with another pregnancy...and i thought i'd get to enjoy a few glass of champagne this year!

i think we're taking it slow tonight. steve's been fighting a cold the past few days so i think we're just hitting up some dinner with friends and then probably bringing in the new year at home watching dick clark. if we can stay up that late. yeah, we're lame.

happy new year every one. be safe and enjoy. hope to see ya all in the leap year.


i haven't been the best eater in this pregnancy. with Jorai, i was structured. i ate specific meals and made sure i got in enough fruit and veggies. every day i made sure of this.

i wish i was more determined to be healthy in this pregnancy. i don't know if it's the fear of losing this child too that keeps me from being a food nazi as i once was or what. i'm still taking care of myself, don't get me wrong, but i didn't eat any veggies yesterday until dinner when i realized it and downed some. as the day passes i have to think about how much water i've had and veggies and protein. it seems as if my diet this pregnancy has consisted of grains and cheese. i need to be more structured in my meal patterns. and exercise too. i just feel such a lack of motivation.

on the bright side, i've started to feel movement. little flips and swirls throughout the day. it's a nice feeling. it comforts me and reminds me of the joy steve and i use to have wh…

smila sol

we just bought this at ikea for the nursery. it's a fixture for the ceiling light. i can't wait to install it. i'll post pictures when done.

we went on a huge ikea shopping spree on Christmas eve...which surprisingly was an amazing time to go. the place was deserted as far as ikea crowds go. it was amazing! anyway we bought new light fixtures for the entire house. hopefully steve and i won't electrocute ourselves as we try to install them!

bum genius clearance

**mood:good...a bit sleepy
**noise: my stomach

bum genius pocket diapers have come out with their 3rd version. which makes their second version on sale! although it looks like they've made some nice additions to the new version, the old ones are 3 bucks off! so i'm letting anyone who's interested in knowing, know...i know that both tree city diapers and jillians drawers have them on sale...some places don't! if you're interested, go check them out.

one cool thing about the new version, is that they come with both a newbie and the original insert. so that's cool. here's the version 3 site on jillian's drawers site...and here's the version 2 (on sale).


the quiet

as much as i love Christmas and spending time with family, i'm glad it's all over. the past 3 1/2 days have been non-stop talking and family time, and i have to admit that it's amazingly refreshing to sit here in my nice quiet house and just be. it was a blast being with family and it went surprisingly well. though the quiet peacefulness of our home is welcoming and the fact that i get to sleep with my husband again, rather than being in separate twin beds, is nice.

it's good to be home.

and the bonus...2 of my friends have delivered within the past week! yea!!


lost is retuning!!! for all you losties out there, abc has finally come out with the new date and time. thursdays 9pm. it's replacing greys...which i hear will be switching to wednesdays at 10. so yea! lost is coming back on january 31st!

party at the newmans for all who want to see the new season in.

now supposedly they only have 8 of the 16 episodes written and filmed. so lets hope there's a settlement to the writers strike!

but the question is... why is charlie in the ad?


have you ever been in a conversation with a group of people when someone close blurts out a comment that makes you cringe? and it not only makes you cringe but you can see the shock in other people's faces as well. as if they're thinking, did he just say what i think he said? and there's no way to cover the comment up. it's just there. lingering for all to hear. for all to know the truth.

that happened to me this weekend. i wish i could go into more detail, because it may resonate with some of you, but i can't. all i can say is that death brings the best out of some people and the worst out of others. i always thought that if i went through something super tragic, there would be certain people who would be there. this summer, i learned that what you think doesn't always happen. steve and i were amazed by the amount of support we got and continue to get from friends. but it was strange to see the people we thought would be there, weren't.

this wee…


i've still only gained a pound...which just feels strange to me, because my belly has popped out and looks huge, and by this point in my last pregnancy i think i had gained about 7 pounds and i feel like i've gained weight...but the scale only shows 1 pound difference...strange...

but even though my weight gain has been slow, my hunger has been ravenous. what is it with a pregnant women's hunger that she can be satiated one moment, only to be ravenous the next?

i left work to run an errand today around 11am. when i left, i was the point that the thought of food made me gag. about 20 minutes later, i was so ravenous that i felt nauseous. i needed food. i was close to taco bell, which is silly since i brought my lunch, but i had to eat at that second. so i ordered. when i got my nacho supreme, i couldn't get the lid off and got so frustrated that i about threw it against the wall so it would pop open. i was that hungry. don't worry, i got the top off…

rent visit

the visit with the rents went well. since this summer, we've been more's amazing how tragedy brings some people closer and some it pushes further away. the surprise went well. my mom was so excited to have wassail. the creme brulee was yummy but a bit grainy. i'm not sure why. it was a quick recipe to make so i think that it may have lost a little umph, but all in all, it was good.

we woke to a winter wonderland. it's gorgeous! we spent all morning just talking and enjoying each others company. it went well, which surprised me...but i'm not complaining! it's strange though, because they're leaving again on tuesday. i feel like they're hardly around before they take off again. they're gone now until late april...and then they're only back until the end of july before they leave again. i know my mom is starting to feel like she's away too much, but i sense that my father would love to be gone even longer. it's a st…

rent surprise

my rents are coming up for a last visit before their trek down to arizona for the winter. as a holiday tradition, on Christmas eve, my mom always made wassail and after church we would all sit around a table of cookies and wassail and just, talk. this year she didn't make as a gift to them, i made it. i also made a Christmas grand marnier creme brulee... i hope it turns out...i've never made creme brulee before. but it looks yummy!

so yeah...i get to surprise them tomorrow night after church...which will be fun...i'm bringing them to times.

kick counter

once you reach 26 weeks, you're suppose to count your babies kicks (movements). i didn't know this. not that it would have helped in Jorai's situation, but would have been nice if my dr. talked to me about it...and since he didn't, i feel the need to tell all of you. if you're pregnant or know someone who's pregnant, please read.

by 26 weeks, you should be feeling 10 baby movements in 2 hours. all babies are different, and some don't move this much, but the important thing is to keep track of it and if you notice a decrease in movement, call your dr. or go to the ER. it's better to be more cautious.

of course you can mentally keep track of movements, write them down on a piece of paper...or you can buy's pretty cool...check it out. and remember, keep track of those movements past 26 weeks. please. plus a portion of the proceeds from the sales will be donated back to the MISS Foundation in support of advocacy programs and e…

stats and legislation

i've been thinking about posting this for a while now, and i didn't want to, because of all my pregnant friends out there. but i think it's important to post.

michigan is one of many states that don't issue a birth certificate for a stillborn child. in my opinion there are 2 major problems with this.

1. it dehumanizes your child. it says that you never had a child. what's the difference between a child who takes 1 breath out of your body and a child that never takes a breath? aren't they both children?

2. because a birth certificate is not issued, the child never existed in the view of medical studies. 21 states issue birth certificates for stillborns. therefore all the other stillbirths in the states that don't offer birth certificates, do not get placed in medical studies. there are around 30,000 stillbirths in the US every year. that rate is 3 times the SIDS rate, yet most of the births are not placed in studies. how can we learn how to prevent s…

medical professionals

what is it with medical professionals losing their ability to relate to the general public? i see it all the time. i work with medical professionals. they're always using medical terms to people who don't understand medical terms or when medical terms aren't warranted. does it make them feel more important, or have they lost the ability to relate on a human level?

last week at the doctors office, i was talking to the nurse about my fear of taking drugs/vaccinations. i was telling her that i wanted to talk to the dr. about the necessity of getting the flu shot, because although i think it could be important, after losing our child, i'm afraid to take anything. she looks at me and says 'so you want to ask the dr. how important it is to get the flu shot because after your fetal demise, you're afraid to take medications.'.

'fetal demise'

i believe that steve and i had a child. a beautiful child. she may have come still into this world, but she was…

i'm a complete nutter

this afternoon i went Christmas/kim shopping. while in targ. i went looking for the new harry potter dvd. i saw the order of the phoenix and thought, why are they re-releasing old h.p. dvds? i looked and looked but couldn't find the deathly i went to meijer, again, they had the order of the phoenix, but no deathly would have thought that after 2 stores, i would have been clued in...but no. so i came home and searched h.p. dvds...and then it hit me...they're only on the 5 book dvd release. oye! i knew that, but in my nutty brain, it just didn't register. i kept looking for the last book...not the latest movie. so now, i have to go back to targ. i seriously have problems. seriously. i frighten myself.

i have issues

i like grocery shopping with my husband. he really doesn't like to go all that much...but i love it when he does. my problem is that he likes tortilla chips. i like chips too, but to keep them out of my house and thus my mouth, i avoid the chip aisle. i can handle tortilla chips in my home because i'm not a huge fan, but it's the other chips, the greasy ones that have flavors. the really bad ones. i love them. when they're in the house, that's all i eat.

steve went shopping with me last night. he also went down the chip aisle. since i was pushing the cart, i followed him. i came home with cheddar cheese pringles. they're almost gone. in 24 hours they're almost gone. this is why i avoid the chip aisle.

due dates

i have friends who got pregnant while i was in my 4h and 5th month who are almost ready to deliver. although i'm happy for them, at times i feel like a 5 year old that wants to scream 'but, it's not fair!'.

it's just so strange to have so many dreams and plans wrapped around something one moment only to have to let go of them, the next. and to look into the future to now see other people celebrating their babies birth as you can only look back to remember what you've lost. i mean, i'm hopeful to deliver this baby, but it's so different this time around. i'm excited but i'm also just waiting for the shoe to drop, so to speak. so the first thing i think of, is my loss not my gain. maybe it's because it's still so raw and fresh too. i don't know.

it's just hard to see all these women deliver healthy, screaming babies and remember that my baby girl came so silent. i'm truly excited for my friends, but their joy, tugs a bit …

tv junkie

i've been getting into the amazing race this year. i usually don't watch it because it seems like the couples are always yelling at and calling each other names. it's annoying. and yes, this year is no exception...but there is a bonus. there's a sweet goth couple in the race, kynt and vyxsin.they rarely argue, although it looks like they may have a argument in next weeks episode...and they're just so much fun to watch! plus, kynt calls vyxsin his cute little kitten. too funny!


thanks for all your suggestions...we're switching to auto owners insurance. it'll save us $90/yr on homeowners insurance and $100/yr on car. that makes me a bit happier. what's silly though is spending $600/yr or plpd car insurance for 2 makes me want to go rogue and not have insurance.


i've noticed in the past week or so that i can't do the things i've been getting use to again these past 6 months. like bend over normal, or sit on the ground doing crafts. now if i sit too long on the floor, my back kills and the whole bending over thing is surprising since my belly isn't huge yet, but it's just big enough that it makes it difficult to bend over. i have to spread my legs apart when sitting, so my belly has a crevice to fall into. if i forget, i feel this really strange pressure and twinge that reminds me that i have a growing child within me.

my pants are getting tight and my shirts/sweaters don't fit. all my preggo clothes were springy/summery i went out yesterday and got a few shirts. i'd love to find a sweater that doesn't make me look like a tent. i need some luck with that one!

i went to refill my asthma medication the other day and found that they won't refill it because the insurance company wants me to tr…

le bebe news

i've made it into the second trimester! i've 'popped', i've never understood that expression, but i have and we had our 13 week appointment yesterday where we got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. i can't begin to express how that sound made us feel. all i can say was that life has returned! it has been 6 months since we last heard those tiny beats and it was simply amazing. so, i just wanted to tell you that every thing looks good. the heart beat was strong and fast...which goes along with my girl prediction... our dr. kept the doppler honed right on the babe's heart for about 3 minutes. i think it was a wonderful sound for all 3 of us!

here's what the kiddo probably looks like...

call me crazy

but i think i've been feeling the baby move all day. i know it's soon. i'm only 13 weeks so i'm about 2 weeks early than the 'typical' mother. but i feel the fluttering and kicks low in my belly...down 'there'...not really in my tummy or off to the side. and it keeps happening in the same spot.

it so wonderful to feel life within me again. the 2 days i carried Jorai, where she was lifeless, was a feeling i can't describe to anyone. it was simply death. to feel life within me again, brings me a joy i'll never get tired of.

call for help

who do you use for your auto and house insurance company? i think we may be paying way too much...


my so called life

the year after i graduated a new show aired called my so called life. this show may just possibly be the first show that made sense to me. being just out of high school i completely related to the characters and i could see myself in the main character, angela. the show only aired for 19 episodes. a major disappointment. it touched on subjects that no other show really touched on. things like child abuse, homophobia, teenage alcoholism and drug abuse, homelessness, adultery, school violence, and censorship. it was one of those shows that meant something. i've been wanting to get my hands of the series for a while now, but ultimately keep forgetting about it.

today, during my lunch, i didn't want to deal with the weather, so i decided to see what i could watch on abc. as i was scrolling through the shows, i was dumbfounded to see my so called life in the mix. i'm now wondering if it has to do with the writers strike. maybe they want other shows to feed through t…


i was able to hold a 9 day old baby last night. i can't begin to explain the joy that was. i mean, i've held other babies before i lost Jorai, but none of them made me feel this way. i got to hold an other baby earlier in my pregnancy as well, but i think because tomorrow i hit my second trimester and some of my worries are gone, holding that baby made me realize that there is a huge possibility that in 6 months, steve and i'll be holding our 1 week old child. looking down at that little miracle, feeling her weight and warmth, helped me to realize that it's still possible for us.

when that baby was placed in my arms, a spark ran through me. later, as i tried to sit and listen to the message at riv, my mind was rushing with excitement and wonder of what may lay ahead of us in a few short months. i was excited. an excitement that didn't have dread attached to it. just pure life. and breath. and warmth and weight. i could have held that child for hours.


car talk

the other day, steve and i were talking about buying an xb, they're hard to find used and we definitely want a used one, the older model gets a lot better gas mileage plus the new model blacks out the 2 rear windows making a huge blind spot. plus i think the new style is we want an older one. since i've been excited about the possibility of getting a newer car, i've been looking around and have noticed, they're few and far between. i guess people really like them because they're hard to find. because of this i think i've talked steve into starting our search, because by the time we actually find the right car, we may already have a child...

any we were having this discussion, steve asked, 'well, which one of us will be drivingthexb?'. i said that i just assumed since i'd have the kid, that i'd be driving the newer car for the most part...but i quickly added in there 'but i guess i just assumed that...we could always…