Showing posts from October, 2009

weaning woes

I've decided to wean Asher. I've haven't been producing anything in a few weeks and now I'm starting to hurt a bit when he tries to nurse. There was a part of me that thought weaning Asher would be best...and another part that thought I could handle nursing both. But with the pain and the reality that Asher's not getting anything any way, I've decided to wean.

It's been hard. I've only been slowly taking it away for the past few days...but he asks for it all the time, and I feel so bad to not give him something that gives him so much comfort. I mean, if it was a cookie or a toy, it wouldn't bother me...but really, all he wants is something that calms him and gives him comfort and I'm saying no. If I didn't feel pain while nursing, I would give in and let him nurse, but I think it's for the best...I'm just heart broken. I haven't nursed him yet today. Surprisingly he didn't ask this morning, but he did ask before his …

baby 3.0

I kinda feel bad not having a decent nickname for this new little child growing within me. We're still in the quasi-preggo stage...that stage where you continue to get big and feel weird, but not feel anything but gas. I'm anxiously waiting for the first punch or kick or squirm, but I also don't want to get too anxious. It will happen when it's just been hard to nickname a child that I can't really feel yet.

I secretly call the little bean punkin' pie, but I'm not sure if it'll stick. I do have to admit that I'm feeling more of a girl vibe right now. I haven't had any dreams about the baby, other than when I miscarried...but the baby was too little to tell the gender. There's just something there...I'm not coming out with a prediction yet and I'm sure this feeling will change at a drop of the hat, but yeah, I'm getting a girl vibe.

We'll see...and keep posted...a proper nickname is coming.

My 2 favorite kiddo things right now

Number 1 fav. ~ Amazing Grass Chocolate drink

Asher has become a bit of a picky veggie eater. Some days he'll eat them, and others...not so much. Thanks to Katie, Asher now drinks Amazing Grass Chocolate drink. It's a "nutritional powerhouse that combines 33 rainbow colored fruits and vegetables in a delicious chocolate drink powder." One serving gives you the antioxidant equivalent of 3 servings of fruits and vegetables! And there's only 1 gram of sugar!! Asher loves it. He won't put his sippy down until it's gone and usually drinks it within 5 minutes. It's also certified organic. For any kid who lacks on the veggie intake, I think this is a must. You can find it on Vitacost and Amazon for around $19 and it last for 33 days if you give 1 serving a day. We LOVE this product. I actually bought the adult version for myself and I like it...I like to add a bit more chocolate to it...but I like it!

Number 1 fav. ~ Blankease

Asher doesn't sleep…

Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is Infant Loss Remembrance Day. If you've lost a child or would simply like to honor a lost child you love, light a candle at 7pm tonight, no matter what your timezone, and let it burn for an hour. If everyone lights a candle and keeps it burning, there will be a continuous wave of light for the day.

Our candle will burn for our beautiful daughter, Jorai Mae. We love you and miss you so very much baby girl!

Dreams that come true

When I was pregnant with Jorai I had a dream she was dead. She was already wasn't a birth dream...but she had drowned as an infant.

Last night I dreamt that I miscarried the baby I'm carrying right now. She dropped out of me still alive. I didn't know what to do so I just held her and her little fingers gripped around mine.

I'm trying to stay positive about this pregnancy. I mean, it was just a dream. But I had a dream about Jorai and I never had a death dream about Asher. I caught myself looking for blood this morning. It was the first time I did that in this pregnancy. I'm glad I'm having an ultrasound on Monday. Maybe it can give me a little relief....I don't know.

I know it all sounds so morbid talking about it and I hate to even go there with baby 3.0 still growing and thriving within me...but I have to say that if I do loose this baby too, I pray I miscarry her. I don't think I can live through another stillborn.

I know it'…

Set your DVD

One of the wonderful women bloggers I follow is going to be on Oprah tomorrow. Her name is Stephanie Nielson, aka NieNie. She is a mother of 4, who barely survived a plane crash with her husband in August '08. She is amazing. Seriously. Her spirit and outlook on life inspires me. You should check out her blog and check her out on Oprah tomorrow.


When I was pregnant with Jorai I couldn't wait to be a mama. I couldn't wait to meet this child growing within hear her cries and touch her skin...just to know her. Of course I worried about if I would be a good mama and if I could really do it. All of it. The mentoring and teaching...but most of all, I worried about the patience. Did I really have the patience to be the best parent I could be. I really worried about it. I only wanted to give the best to my children and I never wanted to lose my cool with them.

And then we lost her. For awhile, I even lost the dream of her, of children in general. I couldn't understand why and how God could have taken my sweet child from me and often wondered if He was saving her from hurt...maybe from me...or just from the world. I didn't and still don't know why things happened as they did, but even as I was pregnant with Asher, there was a part of me that thought God would take this child from me as well. I…