is this your first
sorry that i keep blogging about this, i'm just amazing how often i get asked this question. it's the expected follow-up question. i know that. and again, i don't have a problem answering the question...but every time, i see the horror in the askers eyes. that look of 'oh crap! why did i just ask that question?' there's a brief moment of comfortableness, followed by an apology. so then i have to say thank you. all the formality...and uncomfortableness...so i quickly try to keep the conversation going so the elephant in the room quickly leaves.
sometimes it makes me want to lie and say 'yes! this is our first!'. but that would be disgracing Jorai's short life. and why do that to make it easier for me and the person asking the question. there's another part of me that wants to share her story to get the word out about stillborns.
having a stillborn child is not talked about. when you get pregnant, you hear about the miscarriage rate and many people don't tell people they're pregnant until the second trimester since that's when the miscarriage rates goes down...but i never read or heard anything about having a stillborn. i knew that if i got into an accident or fell or sustained a trauma to my abdomen, that i could lose the baby. but i guess i never thought about the fact that something could just happen within me to kill my child. i never realized the importance of fetal kick counts. i want Jorai's life to have meant something. and i think that by using the 'how many kids do you have?, is this your first?' questions, i can do that.
but i'm still amazed by how many times i get asked that question...if i leave the house, i inevitably get asked the question.
no, this is our second child. we lost our daughter Jorai at 28 weeks gestation.
i also hate those forms asking you about your children. if i leave it blank...i leave Jorai out of our family make-up...if i write Jorai's name down...people will think we have a living daughter...i feel like i live in a dual world...one with a daughter and one with a child on the way. i wonder if i'll always feel this way...
sometimes it makes me want to lie and say 'yes! this is our first!'. but that would be disgracing Jorai's short life. and why do that to make it easier for me and the person asking the question. there's another part of me that wants to share her story to get the word out about stillborns.
having a stillborn child is not talked about. when you get pregnant, you hear about the miscarriage rate and many people don't tell people they're pregnant until the second trimester since that's when the miscarriage rates goes down...but i never read or heard anything about having a stillborn. i knew that if i got into an accident or fell or sustained a trauma to my abdomen, that i could lose the baby. but i guess i never thought about the fact that something could just happen within me to kill my child. i never realized the importance of fetal kick counts. i want Jorai's life to have meant something. and i think that by using the 'how many kids do you have?, is this your first?' questions, i can do that.
but i'm still amazed by how many times i get asked that question...if i leave the house, i inevitably get asked the question.
no, this is our second child. we lost our daughter Jorai at 28 weeks gestation.
i also hate those forms asking you about your children. if i leave it blank...i leave Jorai out of our family make-up...if i write Jorai's name down...people will think we have a living daughter...i feel like i live in a dual world...one with a daughter and one with a child on the way. i wonder if i'll always feel this way...
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