baby showers

my mom-in-law is throwing me a baby shower next weekend and some girlfriends are throwing me one the following weekend...and i'm just really excited about them.  i didn't have a shower with Jorai.  not a real one.  my mom came up with my sister-in-law, mother-in-law and aunt, the week before we lost Jorai.  and it was nice, but it was thrown together after a fight between my mom and i, and truthfully, i never really felt the love from it.  it felt like she was doing it out of obligation.  so in a way, i never felt like i had a true baby shower. 

the week after i left work, some workmates threw me a shower and i felt so loved.  especially since there were very few people who actually said goodbye to me at work, not even my boss or the health director.  so to see people come to a shower after i had already left made me feel so loved.  

and with my mom-in-laws and friends showers in the next few weeks, i'm just feeling really loved.  and in a strange way, it makes this pregnancy feel all the more real.  i know it sounds silly...but i remember my bridal shower and how it made me feel like 'this is it!, it's really happening'.  

it's not about the gifts, i mean, the gifts are nice!  but for me, it has always been about the feeling.  the best birthday i ever had was a surprise birthday from steve.  there were no presents, but there were all these people at my house, for me.  it warmed my heart. that's how i felt at my wedding shower.  people where there to celebrate with me.  they were excited for me.   

and as these two baby showers become closer and closer to happening, i'm anticipating feeling that love all over again.  to think how much this baby within me is already loved by others and that people care about me and this pregnancy, just really fills me with joy.  i can't wait to hand off our child to those who have been there for us through this past year.  i can't wait to share this child with our family and friends.  i feel so blessed to have such wonderful and caring people surround us.  sharing in our sorrow as well as our happiness.  it's all so very cool.  so thanks to all of you who love us and share in our lives.  you're all truly a blessing.