28 December 2006

**noise:gracie~ben folds

ever since i started working more in hastings, a woman has begun to call me kimi. no one else calls me that. only 1 friend calls me kimi. nut really, it's just family that calls me by that nickname. not that it bothers makes me feel like a little girl again, but it doesn't bother me...i just find it funny. every time this person sees me she calls me kimi. in a small way, it kinda makes me feel loved. like i've reached the rung of friendship that a nickname is required. isn't it funny how something so little can make you feel loved. :-)

wedding photos from Travis

27 December 2006

**noise:my workmate...she's not very happy

we got our wedding photos back from Travis! Go check 'em out!


21 December 2006

**mood: sad
**noise: the heat still...this office is too quiet!

i was just chit chatting with a co-worker about faith and church. she said that a church just doesn't fit her unless the message makes her feel guilty. this saddens me.

Christmas Star

**mood: anxious
**noise: the heat

Steve and I went to see the Nativity Story last Tuesday. in the movie, they symbolized the "Christmas Star" as planets/moons aligning to make a bright light. Yesterday I researched this in google and came up with these 3 (of many) links. Pretty interesting and super cool. I'd never heard this before.


Read the text in the blue box near the top of the page. To go to the next page, click on the next tab in the top right corner of the blue box.
Here are a few more resources.

someone please kill me now

19 December 2006

**mood:wonderful yet annoyed
**noise: electronic toy

a woman i work with has this hideous electronic santa that when you pinch it's foot, it plays 'shout' Christmas style. EVERY TIME she walks back to her cube and multiple other times, she plays it. she seriously sits about 4 feet from me.

I want to grab santa and throw him against the wall. so help me if she plays it again...


13 December 2006

**mood: elated
**noise: crunching on carrots

go see blood diamond. what an amazing movie. finally the horrors of this atrocity have been put up for all to see. when steve and i started to
talk to folks about the conflict free diamonds he gave me, so many of them had no idea what we were talking about. maybe now they'll understand.

one of the lines in the movie was something like 'If people thought the diamond on their finger may have cost a child their arm, maybe they wouldn't want it'.

unfortunately, this act doesn't just happen in the diamond happens throughout the consumer world. as hard as it is and as much as we all want to remain ignorant of the perils of consumerism, i urge you to become informed of the products you buy. Are your clothes, furnishings and household stuff coming from sweatshops? Is your coffee laden with chemicals that burn the children's bodies who have to pick the beans? that's a lot out there to learn...but i urge you to learn.

all of this and constant down slide of the environment makes me wonder if Steve and I are just being selfish to want to bring a child into the world. what will this world be when they are our age. it scares me.

electric cars, blood diamonds and fasting

12 December 2006

**mood: excited
**noise: work mate

go rent this movie.
it's amazing. and i didn't even feel like watching a documentary. i was pleasantly surprised. complete astonishment. seriously. go watch it.

tonight Steve and i are going to see blood diamond at ncg @ 6:55. if you want to come, come. we'd love to hang with you!

prayer request: please pray for our friend steven, who has just embarked on a 40 day fast. please pray for his strength and health and most of all his communion with Jesus.


sin and forgiveness

08 December 2006

**mood: well
**noise: the copier

i think i need to blog about's two fold and i'm getting dirty on this one...a bit crass..if you don't like that, don't read it.

i'll start with sexual addiction first. this is a huge problem. it's been swept under the rug for too long and i think it's time we pull the rug out from under satan's feet. this is my opinion..but i think most sexual addictions come from a hurt past. someone who was hurt sexually at any age, someone with an absent mother or father, someone who was hurt emotionally in relationship, someone who was lied to over and over again and felt they could never again see the truth in another man or woman we, as emotional, sexual beings, act out in hurt and loneliness and sometimes just to scratch an itch that seems to have been itching for years. some of us face daily addictions to porn, homosexuality, love (which we seem to seek out in poor ways)...we act out and then lie about it because it's 'dirty'. our fathers hid their porn in the basement, we hid ours our under our mattresses and now we no longer have to hide it, because it's everywhere. type one word in google and you have so many site, you can look for hours. turn on desperate housewives, men in trees, nip tuck...that list can go on and are turning to sex and porn at younger and younger ages. we have fellow Christians who are saving themselves for marriage...but where is all of their sexual tension going to? i can't even begin to tell you how many of our friends struggle with some sort of sexual addition. and this is my first point i'd like to make. porn and other sexual addictions are huge. and i thank God that we're finally getting to the nitty gritty by providing resources and small groups and support for men dealing with these issues. but are we forgetting another crucial factor here? what about women? sure, more men deal with porn issues, but many women deal with it too, and lets not forget other sexual addictions...older women seeking out younger boys, we see this with teachers all the time and the huge one that no one talks toys..i can't even begin to tell you how many single and married women i know who have sex toys. they go to 'pajama parties' to see all the plethora of instruments you can use to pleasure yourself. yeah, some will look at porn, some will sell bodies, some will seek love through sex but many, many, many women reach to the battery controlled pleasure makers for satisfaction. aren't these considered sexual addictions? what are we, as women doing to the sexual relationships with our future or current husbands if we're constantly seeking instant gratification though plastic?

i'm excited that the christian community is getting involved with these addictions, i just want to make sure that we don't skip over a crucial group of people. On the flip-side to this problem, are the women who don't have these addictions yet have husbands or other close relations to someone with these addictions. most women are completely emotional and whether they admit it or not, are totally self conscious about themselves. we internalize pain. we think it's our faults, that we're not good enough, we're not doing something, not pretty enough, thin enough, big name it, we think it. if our husbands are looking outside the marriage for gratification, it must be all about us. but in reality, it's not. it's usually hurt or loss that was never healed, self consciousness, or that was just when they did throughout childhood and the images still haunt them. so how does a woman deal with this? as Dan mentioned in his latest blog, if anyone has any resources, let us know. it's a hard nut to crack. As women, as much as we want to support our loved ones going through this, it makes us feel completely inadequate, unloved, unwanted and alone. so how do we support our loved ones with the compassion and love they need while at the same time not losing ourselves in the process. how do we help our husbands and loved ones understand how much their acting out, hurts us? how do we all make sense of the damage it all causes?

which brings me to my second point...forgiveness, compassion and judgement. These have been on my mind for a while now and it seems as if each day brings new opportunities to break the cycle. it's time to realize that we all fall short. in some or many way (that doesn't matter) we just need to know that we fall short. we may have bad judgement, too big a mouth (vocally...not physically!), we may be unhealthy or greedy or judgmental. we may be bitter or short with people, we may talk down to name it, we all have faults. so why do we pick out the sins in others and place them at a higher level of inadequacy than our own? why do we continue to pick each other apart rather than loving people where they're at and helping them surrender their sins to the One who can help? how many Christians have been slandered because of their sin, or really, their addiction or stumbling block. what makes us so high and mighty to slander them? Ted Haggard...all of the Catholic priests...Jim Bakker...let's just say, type church + scandal in google and see all that comes up. there are MANY 'scandals' and they'll continue to be. but what is a scandal? don't we all have scandals everyday? i'm not saying what Ted Haggard did was ok by any means, but he could have been my father, my brother, my pastor, my friend. he could have been me. who's to say i might not do something in the future that others think is a sin larger than theirs. what will happen to me? will i lose my job, my friends, my family, my support? and if i do, where will that leave me? i'd be a shell of the person I am, knowing that all those around me who i use to consider my friends, left me out in the cold, when what i really needed was love and support. why are we leaving people just when it's the most crucial time to help? why do we judge instead of love on them?

i don't agree with all the stances that Jay Bakker of Revolution Church has but it's him and other people and organizations like him and 'to write love on her arms' and xxx church that i respect. why aren't we loving on people? why aren't we helping people? why instead do we look down our noses, throw obscenities and the 'wrath of God' through megaphones, condemn them and their actions? why can't we see the lost, hurt children inside and realize that they need our love and support rather than our judgements. why can't we show them Christ instead of just more hurt?

this Christmas season as we celebrate the birth of Christ, i urge you to think about your struggles and how you would like help. remember that we're all sitting in the same boat. we're all sinners. we all fall short. we all deal with struggles and we live with people with struggles. if you want someone to talk to, talk to me, a friend a pastor, anyone. i deal with sin in more ways than one. i've been hurt in the past, many times. i've reached out for love in the wrong places in the wrong ways. i have close relationships with people who have done the same. so here i sit. on the fence and trying to balance...looking down at my sin on one side and the sins of my friends and husband on the other. just as everyone does. and if i were to fall off again, into the pit of sin, just as Mr. Haggard, i would sure rather be treated in love than judgement. we've all heard the saying, hate the sin, love the sinner. tis the season to love. love completely, without judgement, without preconceived notions or perceptions. just love. be accepting not judgmental. be loving not cruel. be forgiving not condemning. be Christ. show others Christ. just love.

love wins

if anyone wants or needs someone to talk to or be an accountability partner, i'm here, waiting…and my arms are open.


06 December 2006

**noise:give judy my notice

one punk under God

**mood: excited
**noise: brown eyed blued ~ ben harper

I just got word of this. if anyone has the sundance channel, check this out. Jay Bakker has a new series about him on wednesdays @ 9pm starting on Dec 13.

The premiere episode of One Punk Under God, a new Sundance Channel series about Jay Bakker (son of Jim and Tammy Faye) is being offered as a free download on iTunes until Dec. 12. It airs Dec. 13

get the preview here!

looks like you may be able to download them on itunes too! sweetness. if i can't download them on itunes, i may be asking if someone can record it for me...

a'la natural

**noise: whenever i say your name ~ sting

my friend krista bought me some mrs. meyers natural cleaning products for my wedding shower and i've finally gotten around to promoting them. go check them out. they have essential oils and actually work super well. You can get some of the products at world market, but if you go directly to the website you can see all the goods. they come in 3 'scents' lemon, geranium and my personal favorite lavender. they make you whole house and body smell amazing. they have a hand soap and lotion that's amazing and it's actually a non-antibiotic soap, which is getting more and more difficult to find. anyway, go check it out. they rock. oh yeah, and they're cheap (for natural products!)

yes, i am a consumer whore

05 December 2006

**mood: well
**noise: co-worker singing Christmas carols...someone kill me now!

i work in 2 separate towns. some days i'm in charlotte and other days, hastings. when i got my new job, the days i spend in hastings increased to at least twice a week. in the past few weeks i've realized just how much more i enjoy work when i need to be in hastings. it's quiet, the folks are nice, they actually come over to talk to's amazing. but the downside is the food. they have snack day every week where a different group makes snacks for everyone and non-snack days, there are still snacks! today there was lemon squares, banana bread and pizza. last week, cream puffs, a cream cheese cake thingy, and cheese. i feel like i'm becoming rotund. this food thing is horrible. i feel like i'm living in palace. i keep thinking about all the folks in this world who haven't eaten in many of our clients can't afford to eat, and yet i sit here in my comfy chair nibbling on lemon squares when i'm not even hungry. it's makes me sick. i keep telling myself to eat for sustenance, yet i keep falling into the refrigerator, a friend of ours is doing a 40 day fast...i think this is amazing. i know the xxx church guys did it too this summer. i don't think i'm up for that...but i do need to fast. fast from something. i need to pray about it.

we live in this amazing land yet it's so draining at times. i feel like my brain is constantly thinking about when else i want, what i can buy or or eat. i feel like a consumer whore. i think it's time to get off the streets.