Outraged by our society.

12 April 2013

I don't want a debate.  I don't mean to offend anyone with this post.  This is just my raw emotion post. 

My heart has been crushed today.  And it should have been crushed months ago.  We should have all known about the evils of Kermit Gosnell, an abortion doctor in Philly.  A trial began on March 18th, but most people didn't hear anything about it, until it started going viral on facebook.  And now news and posts about this ass is flooding walls, and reporters are posting about it.  Google his name if you want the gory details.  Here's a detailed article on the events.  But be warned, it's brutal.  


This man seems to be, in all intended purposes, an anti-christ.  And there are so many wrongs to this story, or rather the stories of the many, many women....the many, many children.  The "worst offense" was obviously the late term abortions and the fact that babies were born alive and viable, until he severed their spinal cord with scissors.  But what about the board who granted this "doctor" his license?  What about the deplorable conditions that gave women diseases?  The deaths of women?  The fact that people actually worked for this guy, saw women in pain, would drug women to the brink, saw severed infant body parts that Gosnell was keeping as souvenirs?  What about the employees that killed infants?  I can't wrap my brain around these people.  There was one worker who had the sense to leave and called in a complaint to the local authorities, and even they didn't respond!   The whole mess is confusing.  Everything about it.  As if they were all brainwashed to believe that this is OK.  

I have to admit that I am pro-choice.  I believe that a women should have a right to do with her body what she thinks is best.  I could never have an abortion.  No matter the circumstances, it would never happen.  But I don't feel that we, as a people, should tell a women what to do with a child within her womb.  Now, in saying that, in my own ignorance, I always thought a legal abortion was under 20 weeks. Because I have distanced myself from the debate,  I'm just now finding out that in MI it's 24 weeks.  Which, before I had Selah, I may have still been OK with.  But Selah was 24 weeks when she passed.  She was fully and perfectly formed.  Arms, legs, hands, feet, delicate little eyes, ears, mouth and nose.  She was perfect.  I can't imagine that women abort that far along.  My mind is reeling and I'm not sure where to plant my feet anymore.  I don't agree on the timeframe.  Though I still agree that a women should be able to choose....but at what timeframe should it fit in?   

And even if there was a time frame, would we always have horriblly vile people such as Gosnell and all the people who worked for him?  If laws change or abortion becomes totally illegal, wouldn't there be even more "clinics" like this one?  

My heart just hurts.  It's heavy and I'm appalled that this hasn't made national news.  Why hasn't this come out?  Why has it been a month since the trail began and we still haven't heard about it.  We should have known about this months ago.  Why is this OK?  I read somewhere that if this was a mass killing of puppies, it would be all over the news.  And they're right!   These were babies!   Some as old as 30+ weeks old.  They had hair and were chubby.  Why was this OK?  Why did the workers think this was OK?  How could anyone do this?  I can understand one fucked up crazy, but what about his employees?  Sorry about the language....I'm just at a loss.  And though I don't want to bash the mothers here, I can't wrap my mind and heart around carrying a child within your womb for 30+ weeks, feeling them grow and kick and not wanting to wait 10 more weeks to bless a family with a child they would love and have been waiting for, but would rather watch them as they're born, hear them scream and then watch as a doctor stabs the back of their neck with a rusty pair of scissors to cut their spinal cord, ending in their death.  

I'm sickened.  I think we all should be.  This should never have happened.  There should have been something that stopped these murders, somewhere down the line.  And we, as a nation should have heard about it.  Our priorities are severely messed up if Annette Funicello and Jonathon Winters are at the top of our news stories rather than the killing of over 100 babies.  What is wrong with us as a society?  Who would do this?  I'm just so sad right now.  We talk about the cruelties that other counties lay out over their citizens...look around people.  Stop looking for hate and cruelty in other counties...look here.  It surrounds us.  

I keep thinking about all the ridiculous Mickey Mouse pictures that littered facebook walls a few days ago.  The one where his head was bowed in mourning for the loss of Annette Funicello.  Who's crying for all the babies that were left to die or suffered at the hands of horrible people?  Who's going to post a memorial for the 100+ babies murdered in this clinic?  Where's Mickey now?  I'm outraged.  


05 January 2013

I feel horrible.  I use this blog as a way to reach out to people, yes, but I also use it as a memory for me and my family.  And I have sucked at it lately!  Poor Grey.  He still has no birth story or baby book made.  He gets very little posts about him.  But at least I can say that what he lacks in books, posts and pictures...he overflows with love and laughter and memories fill my mind!  

So here's a catch-up...


What a crazy dude you are!   You're full of it and I remind you of that nearly every day!  You are wild.  Seriously wild.  We breathe to calm down at times.  It's like you are one of those toys where you pull the string and it goes crazy until the string reaches it's stopping point...though you never seem to reach your stopping point!  People often ask me if you have quiet moments and I say "yes, when he's sleeping!".  You go, and go, and go until you literally pass out and sleep.  Though I have to say, you will sit up in your room for quiet time reading and playing legos for nearly two hours.  

You are the biggest lover I know and the most important person to you is your little brother.  It has been awesome seeing you care for Greyson and love on him as you do.  Sure, he's your little brother and you get sick of him at times.  But for the most part you want to be around him.  You wanted to share a room with him.  You want to play with him and you protect him like no other.  Even if Mama or Papa have to discipline him, you either run right up to give him a hug or desperately try to talk us out of disciplining him.  

You love all thing lego, ninja, pirate, Peter Pan and super hero.  You love to play dress-up and play with your "guys".  You're not sure about school, but I think it has more to do with not wanting to miss out on something at home.  You love to draw maps and color drawings for family and friends.  You love camping and now, sledding.  You're hilarious, coming up with funny stories or sayings.  You crack us up on a daily if not hourly basis!


Oh child, you are the stink in stinker!   But what a joy and refreshing breath of air you are.  The first 14ish months of your life you reminded me of an old soul.  You were calm and happy.  Nothing would phase you.  Anyone could hold you.  You smiled constantly...and then something happened over night and the real you sparked to life.  WOWZA!   You are full of it.  The dickens, the life, the laughter, the drama.  Maybe you have a little of Jorai and Selah's personality in your soul because there are times I think your just overflowing with personality.  You have mastered the pout and can even turn on the tears at a drop of the hat.  You can then deep belly laugh about something two seconds later.  

You're a little boy of little, or rather, no words.  So you scream.  A LOT.  Happy screams.  Sad screams.  Wanting screams.  Not wanting screams.  You're sharp as a whip and understand everything we say.  Sometimes in a scary way!   You just refuse to speak.  Sometimes you even refuse to sign...we have staring contests, one stubborn Mama vs. one stubborn boy.  Of course I win.  or you don't get what you want...but they're pretty epic.  When you grow up, no one will be able to persuade you.  

You love all things music.  You dance at a drop of the hat, even when Mama starts making up a song or a commercial comes on.  You have an obsession with the Wiggles, though you only like them when they're singing so I have to sit next to you with a remote to fast forward each time they talk rather than sing.  You walk around the house playing your guitar or flute or drums.  You're just like your older brother in that way.  You refuse to play with any toy that's appropriate for you.  You'll only play with what Asher has.  

Speaking of Asher, the sun rises and sets with Ash.  You beam when he wakes up.  You follow him around.  You hug him and kiss him and have to be next to him at all times...minus when you're watching the Wiggles and think he may horn into your space...you'll do anything Asher says, unless of course, you don't want to.  Then it's "watch out Asher" time!

You're a bit of an aggressive boy.  Not that you're trying to be mean, but there's something in you that has to push or pull.  We're working on it.  But you just love a thick lock of hair to pull or warm body to push.  You love sitting on Asher's back or head and it cracks Mama up every time.  As if you're just teaching Asher a lesson for all the times he wasn't so gentle with you!  

Though you're not yet two, weigh over 30 pounds and are in 3T clothes, you're not much of an eater.  You refuse any and all fruit or vegetables and everything else is on a moment to moment basis.  The one thing you'll eat is sugar.  Whether it's anything carb related or actual sugar...you'll eat it.  You're obsessed with ice-cream, though we just realized you're allergic to milk.  So we'll see what happens about that!   You also LOVE eggs and will eat up to 6  day.  It's frightening.  Oh and that's 6 in one sitting, not over the course of a day.  You're plum crazy.

You love to snuggle.  You love to give kisses and hugs.  You're a good boy, when you're not being a stinker!.  You are dramatic.  So Very Dramatic.  

I just want to say, I love you boys to pieces.  You're both a work of art.  A messy, stinky, sticky work of art that I just can tear my eyes away from.  You bring my so much laughter and love and I can't wait to see and experience all that we have in store for us in the future.  You are both gems.  unique, beautiful gems.  You have hearts of gold, inextinguishable fires within you, smiles that would melt diamonds and spunk that keeps us all on our toes.  You both rock, my sons.  You rock my world.  My very LOUD world.  And I wouldn't change a thing.  

Memorial Tattoo

It's been awhile. I was going through some of my past entries when I came to my previous memorial tattoo post and remembered that I never posted my completed tattoos!  Sorry!

I originally got them in August, but then had them filled in a bit more in October.  They were done in white ink.  Disregard the translucent skin and blue veins!   What can I say, I'm as white as you get!  Anyway, I love them and am surprised by how much people actually see them.  I never wanted a super showy tattoo.   I love them on other people, but it's just not me.  I wanted something understated and there was always something about how the white ink fades and leaves more of a scarred appearance.  As if people can outwardly see the scar my girls left on my soul.  

Anyway, here they are.  Jorai's on my left because I remember holding her in my arms with her head resting on my left arm, and for some reason, I rested Selah's head on my right arm.  I still close my eyes and dream of holding them, looking down at my two arms...left for Jorai and right for Selah.  So it's fitting...