i'm trying to be patient and forgiving and non-resentful here, but am finding it increasingly harder. as much as i love my parents sometimes i feel my love isn't enough anymore to resist the feeling of cutting all ties with them. it's horrible of me to say, i know. but they try to cause as much damage in the two youngest kids as much as possible. and i'm not trying to play the wounded victim or jealous sibling here. i just wish that my parents loved us for who we've become, not compare us to my eldest brother.

in a message noel gave the other week he mentioned how damaging it is for parents to play favorites and it's so true. although i wish my folks loved the 3 of us equally, what i wish more is just to be loved for who i am and not to be compared to glory boy or being the blunt of all things wrong or not perfect in his life.

well, that mom was spewing out lies about me to my brother the other day. which is typical. pitting one sibling against another, so he put her in her place. but this is my dilemma...if i say something to her, which i think i should, she'll work her passive aggressive self all up and ignore me for months. which means the holidays would be a quite dreadful thing to endure. but if i wait, it won't be fresh and i may cave in and never broach the subject...i don't know. i just feel like she needs to stop this and i don't understand why it happens. I wish I know what she's trying to accomplish. Because in the end, the only thing she'll accomplish is having 1 child instead of 3.

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