so far past the line

ya know that line you draw in your little imaginary world? the one that you know if you cross it you've reach a point that marks the end of your nerves? i'm there. i'm actually about 14 miles past it. it's amazing to me the ability i find to get out of bed and drive to work each day. and i'm even more amazed at how i find the strength to make it through without throwing my arms up in the air, screaming my little guts out and walking out. which, if i'm being honest, i've almost done twice this week. i even said flibbin in a meeting. yeah, i know, real professional...but i've had it. i've so had it.

so why is it that i can't find another job? i figure God has me here in my own private nightmare for a reason...wish i knew what it was. ever think that the nightmare would be so much easier to deal with if you knew why you had to endure it? can you tell that patience is not one of my virtues? please pray for me...i have a hard time controlling my temper when i reach that 14 mile mark past my line. i don't want to embarrass God by making a fool of myself