saturday
steve took me to the jeweler that made his wedding band today, to get the memorial ring i want. i want a piece of Jorai's memory with me at all times and the one thing i never take off is rings. so i created a ring and this super cool guy is going to create it. it's nothing too inventive. i just want a simple band with the name Jorai Mae inscribed on the face and i was a pearl to dot the i in Jorai. pearl is the birthstone for june. the jeweler is even going to free script it in our style of writing. so steve and i are going to write out Jorai's name and he'll copy it. i'm excited to get it.
but as we walked into the store we recognized one of the workers. she's a mother of a friend and we haven't seen her in a few months. i guess i just assumed she heard about Jorai. but she didn't. she came up to me and said 'you don't look any bigger than the last time i saw you!'. alright...so with the obvious hurt, i had to tell her the story. i made it through, but it was hard. and i could see how bad she felt too, so i tried to make her feel ok as well. but then it hit me again...do i still look pregnant, 5 months pregnant? when i look in the mirror, i see the pre-preggo kim...with a bit more tummy and back, but not enough to make me look pregnant...at least i didn't think so!
oye!
we hung the pictures up in Jorai's room today as well. it was bittersweet. it's easier for me to spend time in her room. it's even a bit healing. i like to go in there a few times a day. so it's nice to see it completed. to see how it would look like for her to come home to. but sad too, to know that she'll never come home to it. but it's complete. maybe one day the room will be her brothers or sisters. i have to have hope for that.
i miss our little girl.
but as we walked into the store we recognized one of the workers. she's a mother of a friend and we haven't seen her in a few months. i guess i just assumed she heard about Jorai. but she didn't. she came up to me and said 'you don't look any bigger than the last time i saw you!'. alright...so with the obvious hurt, i had to tell her the story. i made it through, but it was hard. and i could see how bad she felt too, so i tried to make her feel ok as well. but then it hit me again...do i still look pregnant, 5 months pregnant? when i look in the mirror, i see the pre-preggo kim...with a bit more tummy and back, but not enough to make me look pregnant...at least i didn't think so!
oye!
we hung the pictures up in Jorai's room today as well. it was bittersweet. it's easier for me to spend time in her room. it's even a bit healing. i like to go in there a few times a day. so it's nice to see it completed. to see how it would look like for her to come home to. but sad too, to know that she'll never come home to it. but it's complete. maybe one day the room will be her brothers or sisters. i have to have hope for that.
i miss our little girl.
Comments