something i hope to learn:
to live in the land of the living while at the same time keeping Jorai close to me.
keeping what she continues to teach me at the forefront of my being, being able to talk about her and think about her with other people, knowing she's in a far better place and not being sad about the fact that she not here with her momma and papa. rather than living in 2 separate worlds. a world without Jorai and a world with her. a world with living, breathing, beautiful souls, and a world with Jorai. i'm in 2 worlds. i want to live in this world. i want to laugh and play and enjoy. i want to learn and teach and live. yet i also want Jorai, and i just can't seem to keep her close to me in this world. i haven't been able to mesh my two worlds into one. i try. i go out and be with friends, but it just seems too hard. how do i mesh my two worlds together?
something i've learned
i could by no means continue to breath without Christ.
i have seen friends and watched myself throughout the years, turn to anything to drown their sorrows. alcohol, drugs, the simple act to running away....anything to numb and ignore the pain. i think of it sometimes...when the pain gets too much, picking up a bottle to numb myself. but i stop. instead i look to the cross. losing Jorai was and continues to be devastating. yet because of my belief, i know that her passing was for a reason. i know, although i have to wait for a long time, that i will see her again. we will be together some day. i know that she is being taken of far better than we could have ever taken care of her and i know she's being loved far greater than we love her. without Christ, i wouldn't have this. i'd have nothing but probably an empty bottle of whisky and tear stained cheeks. people keep asking me how i can be so strong, how i can see the good in this. first of all, i'm not strong. i just have this amazing Savior holding me up and delivering me each day! and second, i have to see the good. the good surrounds me because Christ surrounds me. i may be angry at times. i may be sad most times. but i have to constantly fall to the ground at the Cross and lay my burden down. that's the only place i'll find comfort. without Christ i have nothing, i'm nothing. but with Him, i have everything. Jorai may have been taken too soon in my eyes. but she was taken at the right time in Gods eyes. and although i don't see His time line. i have to trust in it. i have to know that God has a plan for us. for Jorai
for those of you who do not believe, let me be a living testament that God is such a far better listener and giver than the empty bottle of whisky at your feet, or the warm body next to you in bed. sorrow sucks. it's deafening. it seems to hover over you for too long. but know that the love of Christ chips away at that sorrow. the love of Christ is what will bring you through.
i love you all so much. thank you for supporting me and loving me and being patient with me. you have all shown so much kindness and support through these very trying days. please continue to keep us in your prayers.
to live in the land of the living while at the same time keeping Jorai close to me.
keeping what she continues to teach me at the forefront of my being, being able to talk about her and think about her with other people, knowing she's in a far better place and not being sad about the fact that she not here with her momma and papa. rather than living in 2 separate worlds. a world without Jorai and a world with her. a world with living, breathing, beautiful souls, and a world with Jorai. i'm in 2 worlds. i want to live in this world. i want to laugh and play and enjoy. i want to learn and teach and live. yet i also want Jorai, and i just can't seem to keep her close to me in this world. i haven't been able to mesh my two worlds into one. i try. i go out and be with friends, but it just seems too hard. how do i mesh my two worlds together?
something i've learned
i could by no means continue to breath without Christ.
i have seen friends and watched myself throughout the years, turn to anything to drown their sorrows. alcohol, drugs, the simple act to running away....anything to numb and ignore the pain. i think of it sometimes...when the pain gets too much, picking up a bottle to numb myself. but i stop. instead i look to the cross. losing Jorai was and continues to be devastating. yet because of my belief, i know that her passing was for a reason. i know, although i have to wait for a long time, that i will see her again. we will be together some day. i know that she is being taken of far better than we could have ever taken care of her and i know she's being loved far greater than we love her. without Christ, i wouldn't have this. i'd have nothing but probably an empty bottle of whisky and tear stained cheeks. people keep asking me how i can be so strong, how i can see the good in this. first of all, i'm not strong. i just have this amazing Savior holding me up and delivering me each day! and second, i have to see the good. the good surrounds me because Christ surrounds me. i may be angry at times. i may be sad most times. but i have to constantly fall to the ground at the Cross and lay my burden down. that's the only place i'll find comfort. without Christ i have nothing, i'm nothing. but with Him, i have everything. Jorai may have been taken too soon in my eyes. but she was taken at the right time in Gods eyes. and although i don't see His time line. i have to trust in it. i have to know that God has a plan for us. for Jorai
for those of you who do not believe, let me be a living testament that God is such a far better listener and giver than the empty bottle of whisky at your feet, or the warm body next to you in bed. sorrow sucks. it's deafening. it seems to hover over you for too long. but know that the love of Christ chips away at that sorrow. the love of Christ is what will bring you through.
i love you all so much. thank you for supporting me and loving me and being patient with me. you have all shown so much kindness and support through these very trying days. please continue to keep us in your prayers.
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