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steve is so strong. he amazes me. his pain is so real, so fresh, yet he stands strong in his faith. he knows without a shadow of a doubt that God has His reasons for taking Jorai. he told me last night that he believes Jorai was so perfect and so innocent that Christ didn't want her to suffer here on this earth. that's a beautiful picture. one that brings me comfort. knowing that she'll never feel pain or sadness. only light and joy and love.

but at the same time, i'm selfish. i still want her here. what kind of mother would want her child to live here on earth rather than in splendor?

a friend gave me some scripture to read. and to tell you the truth, the bible is where i first went last monday morning. i tried to submerge myself in His word, but i couldn't. this morning was the first time i opened up my bible since last monday. and this is what i read.

Romans 8: 28-39

²⁸And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. ²⁹For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn, with many brothers and sisters. ³⁰And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And he gave them right standing with himself, and he promised them his glory.

Nothing Can Separate Us from God's Love

³¹What can we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? ³²Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won't God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else?

³³Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? Will God? No! He is the one who has given us right standing with himself. ³⁴Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for he is the one who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us.

³⁵Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? ³⁶(Even the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.") ³⁷No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

³⁸And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. ³⁹Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

thank you my friend. this helps.

³⁵Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? ³⁶(Even the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.") ³⁷No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

a small part of me felt separated from Christ. i couldn't, and still can't, understand why this happened to us. why we had to go through this valley. this torture. but i can't focus on that anymore. i can't focus on the loss. i need to focus on the love. Gods love. the sacrifice of Jesus. our love for our Father, our Redeemer, our Lover, our Friend. and i need to focus on the simple fact that our little girl, our Jorai, is in the arms our Friend. what better arms to be held in? thank you Jesus for holding my sweet little girl. please love her as only You can.