exhausted but back on track

thanks for letting me rant. i feel a bit silly...but i'm glad i got it out.

tiffany gave me a book to read that has really helped me along this journey of healing. it seems like every time i pick it put, i learn something. it's called life is tough but God is faithful by Sheila Walsh. i read something yesterday that really hit home and just picked up the book to read some more when i re-read what i found yesterday and felt silly for my earlier outburst. so here it is.

our sense of right is built in

there's something built into every human being that says 'i have rights!' when we read in romans 12:1 that all christians are 'living sacrifices', it sounds so noble. we hold onto that wonderful thought without ever wondering what the implications might be. when paul used the words 'living sacrifices' he meant something much different from the old system.

in the old testament, a lamb was not consulted as to how it felt after being offered as a sacrifice. it was simply slaughtered and laid on the alter to be consumed by the fire. but in the new testament--the new covenant--we are living sacrifices. the trouble is, a living sacrifice can crawl off the alter when it gets too hot. God could have pre-programmed us as robots, who serve Him without choice, but instead he has given us the ability to choose.

The more i walk with the Lord, the more i understand that everyday of my life, for the rest of my walk on this earth, i can choose to stay on the alter or to crawl away. when the heat is turned up, i can crawl off and say, 'well, this is not what i signed up for. i thought that this would make me feel good. i thought that all of my prayers would be answered. but it seems as if God has turned a deaf ear to my cry.'

suffering is seldom an item on our list of requests to the Lord. but when it crosses our path and we are able by His grace to keep on walking, our lives become messages of hope to the world and to the church.

i need to stop flailing myself off the alter. i need help though. i feel as if my patience and faith is weak at times. today was a rough road. i had a sad moment in the morning and then a pissed off moment in the afternoon. it was too much emotion at once. how to i push these feelings to the side and focus on God. focus on the good that's coming through all this hell? how do people do it? how can i crawl back on the alter and allow my burning flesh to be a sweet-smelling sacrifice?