i had my interview this morning. it went well. the position sounds really cool. i would be creating wellness programs for lcc. the pay stinks and it sounds like for the amount of work i'll be doing, it's really stinky. but it also sounds really cool. and i wouldn't have to drive or share my position with someone and get crap hours that switch every week. i also wouldn't have to deal with the union and all the crap that goes along with that. i'd miss my co-workers and my clients, but i think this may be a cool opportunity. i'd only be working 30 hours a week, which would be nice. i don't know...i hate making decisions like this.

we're leaving for washington on tuesday. i'm really looking forward to that. i haven't been there in 3 years. i won't be going back home to port angeles, but it will still be wonderful. we'll be able to just relax in the woods. listen to wildlife and gushing water. we'll be at the foothill of mt. rainier. i like looking up to the mountain and remembering how small i am in this world. it will be wonderful to be in nature and silence. it will be nice to reflect on all that's happened to us these past 6 1/2 weeks.

i still can't believe it's been over 6 weeks. one part feels as it's been months...maybe it's all the emotions. they take so much out me, maybe that's why it feels as if it's been longer. i would have had only 1 more month to go if i were still pregnant. i think of that often. if only Jorai was still with us, we'd be celebrating in a month. i'm afraid of that date. i'm afraid of what i'll feel like when august 25 hits. i'm still surprised of all we've lost. my entire life was wrapped up in that little girl. every facet. how do you redirect your entire life?

trying for another child is so exciting, yet so nerve racking. all i keep thinking about is what is we never get pregnant again? when i verbalize that, people always say, 'don't be silly, you'll get pregnant!'. they say that to make me feel better, but they honestly have no idea. i know i have to give this all up to God and patiently wait for His guidance, but it's so hard for me. this whole process has been life altering. i'm so joyful for all the lessons learned, yet i would do anything to never have stepped foot in this valley.

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