prayers needed
or a bat...that would feel nice. or a sledge hammer anything heavy that i could smash this house down. i'm trying really hard here to control my anger. i'm really trying not to feel sorry for myself but it's just not going to happen right now.
i feel like my world just keeps getting suckier and suckier. God is really allowing me to be put through the ringer here. and i'm about to blow. first it was my job, then my child, then my job again and now it's the stupid union that doesn't do squat for me anyway. i just got informed that i have to pay $50/month to a nursing union and i'm not even a nurse. but because some incredibly selfish people had to go through the nurses union so they could get what they want and then retire, i now am stuck with it too. when i called to let them know i had lost 3 of my 5 days they said it didn't matter. i still had to pay the same price everyone else does. so really, the only thing they can do for me since i'll only be working 16 hours per week is make sure that management can't fire me at will. well la de fricken da. i'm only working 16 hours a week people, do i honestly care if they can me? the union can't help me with insurance since that's already been taken away, no retirement, no benefits. nothing. yet i still have to pay them $50/month...and the woman i spoke to was so incredibly rude. i wanted to yell at her and tell her everything i had gone through this past month, but i don't want to use Jorai's memory in that way.
seriously, God better have plans for all of this or i will be really pissed off here. sorry i'm ranting and being really selfish and crappy but ya know what? i've just about had it, with all these tests. can i get a reprieve? can something good happen? something small even...anything.
i love God. i'm trying really hard to trust in Him and to hold fast to the cross. i'm trying to allow my faith to be challenged and i'm trying even harder not to allow it to teeter, but i have to be honest with you, i feel like i can almost touch times where i throw my arms up in surrender. and that kills me but i'm breaking down here. i can't even see my screen anymore through the tears. i know this whole $50/month thing is a drop in the bucket, but my bucket has been over flowing for a month now. you can't fit anything more in it.
the bottle looks better to me each day. God, send me some help down here. send me a reprieve. i'm emotionally wasted today. and sick of it all. maybe i should just quit this crappy 16 hour a week job. it's obvious my manager could care less. it's obvious the union doesn't care? with the exception of missing my friends and clients, maybe it would be for the best. i could apply for underemployment, i would be earning the same amount for the week through them as i would working 16 hours. then i wouldn't have to deal with all this.
i just wish i know what to do. i wish i knew why i was going through all this. i know i may never know but at this moment, i wish i had some insight. i just feel so weak.
please pray for me to grasp onto some understanding and patience and strength and composer and faith.
i feel a bit better. thank you for listening
i feel like my world just keeps getting suckier and suckier. God is really allowing me to be put through the ringer here. and i'm about to blow. first it was my job, then my child, then my job again and now it's the stupid union that doesn't do squat for me anyway. i just got informed that i have to pay $50/month to a nursing union and i'm not even a nurse. but because some incredibly selfish people had to go through the nurses union so they could get what they want and then retire, i now am stuck with it too. when i called to let them know i had lost 3 of my 5 days they said it didn't matter. i still had to pay the same price everyone else does. so really, the only thing they can do for me since i'll only be working 16 hours per week is make sure that management can't fire me at will. well la de fricken da. i'm only working 16 hours a week people, do i honestly care if they can me? the union can't help me with insurance since that's already been taken away, no retirement, no benefits. nothing. yet i still have to pay them $50/month...and the woman i spoke to was so incredibly rude. i wanted to yell at her and tell her everything i had gone through this past month, but i don't want to use Jorai's memory in that way.
seriously, God better have plans for all of this or i will be really pissed off here. sorry i'm ranting and being really selfish and crappy but ya know what? i've just about had it, with all these tests. can i get a reprieve? can something good happen? something small even...anything.
i love God. i'm trying really hard to trust in Him and to hold fast to the cross. i'm trying to allow my faith to be challenged and i'm trying even harder not to allow it to teeter, but i have to be honest with you, i feel like i can almost touch times where i throw my arms up in surrender. and that kills me but i'm breaking down here. i can't even see my screen anymore through the tears. i know this whole $50/month thing is a drop in the bucket, but my bucket has been over flowing for a month now. you can't fit anything more in it.
the bottle looks better to me each day. God, send me some help down here. send me a reprieve. i'm emotionally wasted today. and sick of it all. maybe i should just quit this crappy 16 hour a week job. it's obvious my manager could care less. it's obvious the union doesn't care? with the exception of missing my friends and clients, maybe it would be for the best. i could apply for underemployment, i would be earning the same amount for the week through them as i would working 16 hours. then i wouldn't have to deal with all this.
i just wish i know what to do. i wish i knew why i was going through all this. i know i may never know but at this moment, i wish i had some insight. i just feel so weak.
please pray for me to grasp onto some understanding and patience and strength and composer and faith.
i feel a bit better. thank you for listening
Comments
I don't know if this is helpful or not, but at the conference I was at a couple months ago, John Piper gave a great teaching that might be worth listening to. Here's the link: http://thegospelcoalition.org/plenary.html
Hugs!
anonymous person~ are you serious? i could just not sign the paperwork? i did put an email into the union, so i'll wait to hear back on that...but i never thought about just not paying..that's a thought. i never had any thing to say about this union anyway...they asked for my input..in fact this is the first correspondence i've received...maybe i should just just not respond to them.