a year in a life
i was thinking the other day about this past year. all that's happened. all we've gone through. all we've gained and lost and learned and grown. steve and i have a relationship i always dreamt of. i can't believe i'm actually happy in a relationship. i'm not trying to not fight or prove myself. i'm not wishing to be alone or hoping things would get better. our relationship started as a friendship and that friendship was truly amazing. when we decided, almost a year later, to take it to the next step, it was rough. we had a lot of demons to destroy. and truthfully, there where times i thought the demons would win. but they didn't and we started to experience a relationship that was healthy and filled with laughter and trust, rather than one filled with anger and hurt. fast forward 3 years and here we are. i feel as if we've been married for years. people are surprised to know that we haven't been together longer. it's so strange.
and then to think back. within a year, we've gotten married, got pregnant, lost our daughter and gave birth, gone through the hardest grieving process i think we'll ever have to go through and still i look at my husband and see the man that i am so proud and excited to say that i'm his wife. after all the joy and all the sorrow. all the pain that usually divides couples, drove us stronger together. i know it's only been a year...almost...but it's been the best and worst and most fulfilling year of my life.
these next few weeks will be hard. i find it ironic that i'm going back to work tomorrow. 'in the plan' this week was suppose to be my last week of work, prior to the baby being born. i keep thinking about how big and uncomfortable i would've been. how nervous, yet excited we would be. i wonder if i would have been mentally ready to deliver our child naturally. our child, Jorai, would have been born in a few weeks time. and yet, i know she will never be in this world. as we try for another pregnancy, i can't help to think about what a joy we would have had raising Jorai.
i just can't believe a year has almost gone by since our wedding. 24 september 06. last winter we thought that we wouldn't be able to get away for our 1st anniversary. now, it seems, we will. we're looking for a cabin on a lake somewhere relatively close by...any suggestions?
and then to think back. within a year, we've gotten married, got pregnant, lost our daughter and gave birth, gone through the hardest grieving process i think we'll ever have to go through and still i look at my husband and see the man that i am so proud and excited to say that i'm his wife. after all the joy and all the sorrow. all the pain that usually divides couples, drove us stronger together. i know it's only been a year...almost...but it's been the best and worst and most fulfilling year of my life.
these next few weeks will be hard. i find it ironic that i'm going back to work tomorrow. 'in the plan' this week was suppose to be my last week of work, prior to the baby being born. i keep thinking about how big and uncomfortable i would've been. how nervous, yet excited we would be. i wonder if i would have been mentally ready to deliver our child naturally. our child, Jorai, would have been born in a few weeks time. and yet, i know she will never be in this world. as we try for another pregnancy, i can't help to think about what a joy we would have had raising Jorai.
i just can't believe a year has almost gone by since our wedding. 24 september 06. last winter we thought that we wouldn't be able to get away for our 1st anniversary. now, it seems, we will. we're looking for a cabin on a lake somewhere relatively close by...any suggestions?
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