after 2 bouts of urinary track infections...(making babies is tough work)...i am finally cleared. well, my urine is. so then the amount or urination i've been doing makes me hopeful that i may be preggo. yet the worry that i'm just looking at anything i can, that may point to my pregnancy hopes, is setting in. after losing Jorai, my worry is that we'll never get pregnant again. but i want to have hope that we will. but it's the crushing realization when i finally realize that i'm not, that's ultimately suffocating.
i want so badly to have hope and patience. but i'm still haunted by the blessing that was taken away so prematurely and the fear that even though God granted us a glimpse of what becoming parents may feel like, the reality of it will never happen.
how can i hold onto the hope without getting to attached and let go of the want to become patient. this whole life thing is so freakin hard isn't it!?
i want so badly to have hope and patience. but i'm still haunted by the blessing that was taken away so prematurely and the fear that even though God granted us a glimpse of what becoming parents may feel like, the reality of it will never happen.
how can i hold onto the hope without getting to attached and let go of the want to become patient. this whole life thing is so freakin hard isn't it!?
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