i realized that my life still revolves around Jorai. this little life that left us so quickly, is still with us so fully. my days are filled with thoughts of her. i wonder if they always will be. or if i get pregnant or have children, will those thoughts start to fade. never to fully leave, but not consume me. everything reminds me of her. all thoughts lead to her. such a short life. i never got to fully know her. yet she is within me always. it's a wonderful feeling to have her so close, yet haunting as well.

the orchid that dan and suzanne brought us the week we lost Jorai is finally losing it's flowers. after doing some research, i found that flowers usually only last a month or so. if you have a really healthy plant, they can last 3 months. our flowers lasted 3 1/2 months. the flowers, so delicate and dainty, reminded me so much of Jorai. she was so feather light as we held her for that short hour or so. chilled to the touch as the petals with skin so paper thin. and beautiful. tall and stately. a true miracle.

seeing the petals fall feel symbolic. kinda sad, kinda joyous. an orchids flowers die off and while the plant looks like it's dying, it's really just saving up energy to come alive again, to become even more beautiful than before. the pain of holding Jorai's lifeless, feather light and paper thin body was devastating. but looking back, there was joy in the sorrow. her body may had been lifeless and limp. her body may have fallen, but her spirit was sprouting. although it's hard for me to grasp some days, i know that her spirit lives on and that the body that her father and i held was just the molting she left behind as she became new again in heaven.

the bible says that we get new bodies in heaven. sometimes i wonder what Jorai will look like when we see her again. will she be the infant we once held? or will she be the beautiful woman i dreamt she would be? i want to live my life to it's fullest here on earth, but i also can't wait to leave, so that i can be with her again.

wow...as i typed this, another bloom broke off and crashed to the floor. there were 11 blooms yesterday. as of 8:07, there are 4. this process reminds me how short and delicate life is. God gives and God takes away. i love when He speaks to me in the little things of life. it's the little things that mean so much.

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Anonymous said…
I read the following passage from God's Word last night and it immediately came to mind while reading your post. It's from 1 Corinthians 15, starting in verse 12.


12Now, let me ask you something profound yet troubling. If you became believers because you trusted the proclamation that Christ is alive, risen from the dead, how can you let people say that there is no such thing as a resurrection? 13If there's no resurrection, there's no living Christ. 14And face it-if there's no resurrection for Christ, everything we've told you is smoke and mirrors, and everything you've staked your life on is smoke and mirrors. 15Not only that, but we would be guilty of telling a string of barefaced lies about God, all these affidavits we passed on to you verifying that God raised up Christ-sheer fabrications, if there's no resurrection.

16If corpses can't be raised, then Christ wasn't, because he was indeed dead. 17And if Christ wasn't raised, then all you're doing is wandering about in the dark, as lost as ever. 18It's even worse for those who died hoping in Christ and resurrection, because they're already in their graves. 19If all we get out of Christ is a little inspiration for a few short years, we're a pretty sorry lot. 20But the truth is that Christ has been raised up, the first in a long legacy of those who are going to leave the cemeteries.

21There is a nice symmetry in this: Death initially came by a man, and resurrection from death came by a man. 22Everybody dies in Adam; everybody comes alive in Christ. 23But we have to wait our turn: Christ is first, then those with him at his Coming, 24the grand consummation when, after crushing the opposition, he hands over his kingdom to God the Father. 25He won't let up until the last enemy is down-26and the very last enemy is death! 27As the psalmist said, “He laid them low, one and all; he walked all over them.” When Scripture says that “he walked all over them,” it's obvious that he couldn't at the same time be walked on. 28When everything and everyone is finally under God's rule, the Son will step down, taking his place with everyone else, showing that God's rule is absolutely comprehensive-a perfect ending!

29Why do you think people offer themselves to be baptized for those already in the grave? If there's no chance of resurrection for a corpse, if God's power stops at the cemetery gates, why do we keep doing things that suggest he's going to clean the place out someday, pulling everyone up on their feet alive?

30And why do you think I keep risking my neck in this dangerous work? 31I look death in the face practically every day I live. Do you think I'd do this if I wasn't convinced of your resurrection and mine as guaranteed by the resurrected Messiah Jesus? 32Do you think I was just trying to act heroic when I fought the wild beasts at Ephesus, hoping it wouldn't be the end of me? Not on your life! It's resurrection, resurrection, always resurrection, that undergirds what I do and say, the way I live. If there's no resurrection, “We eat, we drink, the next day we die,” and that's all there is to it. 33But don't fool yourselves. Don't let yourselves be poisoned by this anti-resurrection loose talk. “Bad company ruins good manners.”

34Think straight. Awaken to the holiness of life. No more playing fast and loose with resurrection facts. Ignorance of God is a luxury you can't afford in times like these. Aren't you embarrassed that you've let this kind of thing go on as long as you have?

35Some skeptic is sure to ask, “Show me how resurrection works. Give me a diagram; draw me a picture. What does this ‘resurrection body' look like?” 36If you look at this question closely, you realize how absurd it is. There are no diagrams for this kind of thing. 37We do have a parallel experience in gardening. You plant a “dead” seed; soon there is a flourishing plant. There is no visual likeness between seed and plant. 38You could never guess what a tomato would look like by looking at a tomato seed. What we plant in the soil and what grows out of it don't look anything alike. The dead body that we bury in the ground and the resurrection body that comes from it will be dramatically different.

39You will notice that the variety of bodies is stunning. Just as there are different kinds of seeds, there are different kinds of bodies-humans, animals, birds, fish-each unprecedented in its form. 40You get a hint at the diversity of resurrection glory by looking at the diversity of bodies not only on earth but in the skies-41sun, moon, stars-all these varieties of beauty and brightness. And we're only looking at pre-resurrection “seeds”-who can imagine what the resurrection “plants” will be like!

42This image of planting a dead seed and raising a live plant is a mere sketch at best, but perhaps it will help in approaching the mystery of the resurrection body-but only if you keep in mind that when we're raised, we're raised for good, alive forever!
43The corpse that's planted is no beauty, but when it's raised, it's glorious. Put in the ground weak, it comes up powerful. 44The seed sown is natural; the seed grown is supernatural-same seed, same body, but what a difference from when it goes down in physical mortality to when it is raised up in spiritual immortality!

45We follow this sequence in Scripture: The First Adam received life, the Last Adam is a life-giving Spirit. 46Physical life comes first, then spiritual-47a firm base shaped from the earth, a final completion coming out of heaven. 48The First Man was made out of earth, and people since then are earthy; the Second Man was made out of heaven, and people now can be heavenly. 49In the same way that we've worked from our earthy origins, let's embrace our heavenly ends.

50I need to emphasize, friends, that our natural, earthy lives don't in themselves lead us by their very nature into the kingdom of God. Their very “nature” is to die, so how could they “naturally” end up in the Life kingdom?

51But let me tell you something wonderful, a mystery I'll probably never fully understand. We're not all going to die-but we are all going to be changed. 52You hear a blast to end all blasts from a trumpet, and in the time that you look up and blink your eyes-it's over. On signal from that trumpet from heaven, the dead will be up and out of their graves, beyond the reach of death, never to die again. At the same moment and in the same way, we'll all be changed. 53In the resurrection scheme of things, this has to happen: everything perishable taken off the shelves and replaced by the imperishable, this mortal replaced by the immortal. 54Then the saying will come true:
Death swallowed by triumphant Life!

55Who got the last word, oh, Death?
Oh, Death, who's afraid of you now?

56It was sin that made death so frightening and law-code guilt that gave sin its leverage, its destructive power. 57But now in a single victorious stroke of Life, all three-sin, guilt, death-are gone, the gift of our Master, Jesus Christ. Thank God!

58With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don't hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for him is a waste of time or effort.
Anonymous said…
Kim,
I lost my last orchid petal about 6-8 weeks ago. I remember feeling the same way. I almost threw out the plant b/c I was so sad that the last petal had fallen. But lo and behold, I have four new ones. They started budding about 1-2 weeks ago and they have now opened up. God does give and take away. I believe it is a sign of hope and of answered prayers.
Tiffany

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