baby news
the baby keeps going through growth spurts. it seems as if every morning i wake to find my belly larger than the night before. i also wake up famished. i'm addicted to frozen blueberry waffles and fake bacon for breakfast. i just can't get enough. it's silly.
the babe is moving a lot. i broke down on tuesday and purchased a kick trak to track the babe's movement. it has gotten a lot of awards and is suppose to cut down the risk of stillborn. although, i know it wouldn't have mattered with Jorai. her passing came instantaneously. the dr. told me that even if we were to see the rupture as it happened, by the time we got to the o.r., she would have already been gone. but, this new little counter helps me feel a bit more reassured in a way. plus i can use it to track my contractions when my birthing starts.
i quit my job tuesday. which was strange. i've really learned this past year, just how little control i have in my life. it seems that the majority of my plans have not materialized the way i plan them to. which is hard for me in a way. the plans that have fallen through my fingers have all been pretty huge plans. Jorai, work...things i had planned for and looked forward to seemed to just vaporize in front of me. i know God is holding the reigns. i see things i really don't want to do, am scared of or just apprehensive about materializing and taking root in my life...while others that bring me comfort are disentigrating. God know that i continually need to be stretched and broken to be close to Him...that's how i run i guess. if i get too comfortable, He can't use me very well. maybe if i could find a way to follow Him wholeheartedly without being broken, He wouldn't have to place me in the refining fires so frequently. guess i'm just one of those problem children He has. He grounds me and i learn for a week or two...and then i forget and start being me again, so He has to ground me again. oye...if only i could just learn and keep the wisdom.
so yeah, at some point i'll be jobless...they're keeping me on until they find someone to replace me...so we'll see. could be 2 weeks from now, could be 3 months...guess i just have to see what the Big Man upstairs has in store for me.
let go of the reigns kim...let go of the reigns..
the babe is moving a lot. i broke down on tuesday and purchased a kick trak to track the babe's movement. it has gotten a lot of awards and is suppose to cut down the risk of stillborn. although, i know it wouldn't have mattered with Jorai. her passing came instantaneously. the dr. told me that even if we were to see the rupture as it happened, by the time we got to the o.r., she would have already been gone. but, this new little counter helps me feel a bit more reassured in a way. plus i can use it to track my contractions when my birthing starts.
i quit my job tuesday. which was strange. i've really learned this past year, just how little control i have in my life. it seems that the majority of my plans have not materialized the way i plan them to. which is hard for me in a way. the plans that have fallen through my fingers have all been pretty huge plans. Jorai, work...things i had planned for and looked forward to seemed to just vaporize in front of me. i know God is holding the reigns. i see things i really don't want to do, am scared of or just apprehensive about materializing and taking root in my life...while others that bring me comfort are disentigrating. God know that i continually need to be stretched and broken to be close to Him...that's how i run i guess. if i get too comfortable, He can't use me very well. maybe if i could find a way to follow Him wholeheartedly without being broken, He wouldn't have to place me in the refining fires so frequently. guess i'm just one of those problem children He has. He grounds me and i learn for a week or two...and then i forget and start being me again, so He has to ground me again. oye...if only i could just learn and keep the wisdom.
so yeah, at some point i'll be jobless...they're keeping me on until they find someone to replace me...so we'll see. could be 2 weeks from now, could be 3 months...guess i just have to see what the Big Man upstairs has in store for me.
let go of the reigns kim...let go of the reigns..
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