blessings
i was realizing on my way to work this morning how blessed i was to have lost a child. i know that sounds backwards and honestly, tomorrow i'll probably think this thought came from lack of sleep or something....but here are my thoughts.
losing Jorai sucked. so much so that i thought i would lose myself in the grief at times. but through losing her, steve and i realized how important life is. how important friends and family are. how precious life is. i still struggle at times. i still get caught up in my sadness of missing her. i still get angry at God for taking her away. and i still get caught up in life's every day junk. but then there are days like this where i think, what are we all doing here? why am i angry? why am I letting this affect me?
Jorai was this little bundle of joy that steve and i couldn't wait to meet. but when we finally met her, the reality of her collided with our dreams of her. it was devastating. but slowly the fog of grief started to lift and we could see these little inklings of joy in our sadness. we now know the precious gift of life in more ways than most. everything has changed. for example, a small thing that people keep saying to me when they hear that i'm due in june is 'well thank goodness you don't have to go through the hot summer!'. it's such a small comment. but even with that, since losing Jorai, my realization is that the heat of summer doesn't compare to a screaming child.
i know that's a minuscule example, but it applies to all things. i know have my life in full perspective now. and though i lose it occasionally, for the most part, i now know what's important in this life. it's not the pursue of the ultimate job or love or vacation or family or whatever. what's important is what you do with the time given to you, loving and accepting your family, as hard as it can be...case in point, mine, today, pouring into others and your community….
i miss my Jorai Mae every day. it absolutely sucks to not have her physically here with me. yet, i'm constantly reminded that she is here with me. her memory drives me to remember what's important.
i think that's pretty cool.
losing Jorai sucked. so much so that i thought i would lose myself in the grief at times. but through losing her, steve and i realized how important life is. how important friends and family are. how precious life is. i still struggle at times. i still get caught up in my sadness of missing her. i still get angry at God for taking her away. and i still get caught up in life's every day junk. but then there are days like this where i think, what are we all doing here? why am i angry? why am I letting this affect me?
Jorai was this little bundle of joy that steve and i couldn't wait to meet. but when we finally met her, the reality of her collided with our dreams of her. it was devastating. but slowly the fog of grief started to lift and we could see these little inklings of joy in our sadness. we now know the precious gift of life in more ways than most. everything has changed. for example, a small thing that people keep saying to me when they hear that i'm due in june is 'well thank goodness you don't have to go through the hot summer!'. it's such a small comment. but even with that, since losing Jorai, my realization is that the heat of summer doesn't compare to a screaming child.
i know that's a minuscule example, but it applies to all things. i know have my life in full perspective now. and though i lose it occasionally, for the most part, i now know what's important in this life. it's not the pursue of the ultimate job or love or vacation or family or whatever. what's important is what you do with the time given to you, loving and accepting your family, as hard as it can be...case in point, mine, today, pouring into others and your community….
i miss my Jorai Mae every day. it absolutely sucks to not have her physically here with me. yet, i'm constantly reminded that she is here with me. her memory drives me to remember what's important.
i think that's pretty cool.
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