selfishness
lately i've really been feeling a lot of selfishness surround me. not that i'm immune to it. i too can be a bit selfish here and there, but lately, it's been surrounding me in enormous amounts. and though the old kim wants to blow a gasket and scream and yell, causing the biggest commotion i can cause, i'm glad that Christ continues to change that part in me. i’m glad HE helps me hold my tongue!
my family, both immediate and dad's side, talked about a 'family reunion' 2 years ago. well, let me rephrase, a few of them thought of a 'family reunion' and then told all of us where we were going. though nothing was offically sent out about prices until a few weeks ago… they were suppose to travel on thanksgiving to an all inclusive mexico resort. because at the time, we would have an infant, and really a $3000 trip to mexico, as wonderful as it sounds, would be just a wee bit out of our price range...and then to bring an infant...not so much fun. we originally said we couldn't go. then a few weeks ago, another family said that they couldn't afford it and then another...so after one family sent out an email suggesting a different, maybe US, smaller scale vacation, i agreed and sent out a few other suggestions. people who wanted the mexico trip went ballistic. one even called his wife and idiot and dumb ass. yes, this is my family. and i thought a family vacation was about the family getting together, not only the well off families participating in a vacation...i know some family members really wonted this trip, but is it really about what you want or is it about what all family members can afford and attend? i have since wiped my hands clean of the mess. it's not worth it.
but that's just one instance. time after time i get things thrown at me. someone doesn't want to do something so lets give it to kim. someone can't work on one day, so let's call in kim....it's never ending.
this sense of selfishness makes me sad. it makes me realize that so many of us are out for number one. there is no grace. no patience. no helping one another out. it makes me realize how much more i need to walk in grace. and patience. i've always liked to help people, so i think that's where some of this comes in. i think people get use to asking me to do something. and i don't want to stop, but i also don't want to be a push over. i need to find balance.
but i have to say, even as i write this. even though i'm frustrated and disappointed with my family and some others who take advantage. i'm reminded of all the wonderful and caring people surrounding me. they may not be my blood family, but for the most part, they are more my family than my blood family will ever be. i have people who love me and support me and are there when i need a shoulder, just as i am for them. these are the people i cherish. these are the people who are easy to love.
so how do i love the people who take advantage of me? how do i love the people who care only about themselves? how do i show them grace when all i want to do is wipe my hands clean of them?
my family, both immediate and dad's side, talked about a 'family reunion' 2 years ago. well, let me rephrase, a few of them thought of a 'family reunion' and then told all of us where we were going. though nothing was offically sent out about prices until a few weeks ago… they were suppose to travel on thanksgiving to an all inclusive mexico resort. because at the time, we would have an infant, and really a $3000 trip to mexico, as wonderful as it sounds, would be just a wee bit out of our price range...and then to bring an infant...not so much fun. we originally said we couldn't go. then a few weeks ago, another family said that they couldn't afford it and then another...so after one family sent out an email suggesting a different, maybe US, smaller scale vacation, i agreed and sent out a few other suggestions. people who wanted the mexico trip went ballistic. one even called his wife and idiot and dumb ass. yes, this is my family. and i thought a family vacation was about the family getting together, not only the well off families participating in a vacation...i know some family members really wonted this trip, but is it really about what you want or is it about what all family members can afford and attend? i have since wiped my hands clean of the mess. it's not worth it.
but that's just one instance. time after time i get things thrown at me. someone doesn't want to do something so lets give it to kim. someone can't work on one day, so let's call in kim....it's never ending.
this sense of selfishness makes me sad. it makes me realize that so many of us are out for number one. there is no grace. no patience. no helping one another out. it makes me realize how much more i need to walk in grace. and patience. i've always liked to help people, so i think that's where some of this comes in. i think people get use to asking me to do something. and i don't want to stop, but i also don't want to be a push over. i need to find balance.
but i have to say, even as i write this. even though i'm frustrated and disappointed with my family and some others who take advantage. i'm reminded of all the wonderful and caring people surrounding me. they may not be my blood family, but for the most part, they are more my family than my blood family will ever be. i have people who love me and support me and are there when i need a shoulder, just as i am for them. these are the people i cherish. these are the people who are easy to love.
so how do i love the people who take advantage of me? how do i love the people who care only about themselves? how do i show them grace when all i want to do is wipe my hands clean of them?
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