kix in dreamworld

i'm not going to delve into it fully, because it was just too crazy, but last night i had a dream that i delivered kix. but i don't remember if kix was a boy or girl... bummer... anyway, i totally remember breastfeeding...when all of a sudden kix was gone and i was pregnant again...but i was in labor. but not like contraction labor. it was just constant kicks from within. lots of people were there. i was at riverview and most riv goers were there. suzanne was propped up on a giant pillow on top a pedestal in front of the lobby...don't ask...i have no idea! then i woke up. what i woke up to was a constant thud against my ribs and belly. it was kix...kicking. over and over. it was constant. i'm wondering if it was hiccups. they were that constant...but it felt like the baby was flailing within me. and it went on for at least 20 minutes and then just stopped.

it actually kinda scared me. the night before we lost Jorai, she was going crazy within me. steve and i were laughing at the time. it felt like she was trying to jump her way out. i now wonder if that was when she was bleeding out. devastating.

i couldn't sleep for the rest of the night because i wanted to make sure kix would move more. in the morning i was contemplating on making a mad dash to the er to have an ultrasound to make sure all was well. but i decided against it. and of course all day, kix has been a basket case, as usual, within me. i''m pretty positive that this child will be the death of my sanity. but i'm loving every second of it.