birthing craziness

last month is was suzanne...today i got an email that another friend is in the beginning stages of birthing...next month it's another friend and then me.  it seemed like just a few months ago that there were 10 women in-front of me...now there's only 2.  and maybe after this weekend, only 1.  wow.  this is really happening.  this babe is real.  this pregnancy is real.  my birthing day is real and it's fast approaching.  

i've loved this child from the moment i knew i was pregnant and loved the idea of this child even before conception.  but there was always a small part of me that didn't believe this pregnancy was real or that it would last.  there has always been a small part of me that thought we would never bring this child home alive.  but as each new day dawns, we take one more step closer to bringing kix home.  his/her voice will soon fill this quiet house.  i'm still scared.  i still have my moments of disbelief.  just last night i felt a really strange movement and my mind went directly to one of distress.  and it wasn't until i felt another movement that i calmed down.  but those thoughts are starting to diminish some.  and the more pressing emotion is simply elation that the day is coming.  the day we become parents of a screaming baby, a warm baby, our baby.  

the day is fast approaching.  it's just around the corner really.  and our chore list is long.  guess i better get to it!   becoming a parent is so scary.  i hope we don't fail this child.  i hope we plug deeply into their life and dreams and ambitions.  i hope we can be good examples of Christ and love.  i hope we are patient and caring and supportive.  i want to give this child everything i had and didn't have.  i want to be...a good mama.  i pray that i become that.