advice vs criticism

i've always liked advice. i know a little, about a lot. but really, for the most part, it's just enough to cause problems, so good advice is welcomed...but there are some things that i feel i've done a lot of research on. three things are breast feeding, vaccinations and bed sharing. i know there are some things we're doing that are against the grain of society...go figure...and i know there will be people out there with their own opinions, but come on! i still like talking to people about this because i can always learn more, but what i hate are the people who pretty much come out and say we're bad parents for not vaccinating.

i've never understood why people can't do things the way they choose without getting harassed by people. i think some people think they're giving good advice, but really, they're not. my favorite comment i get when talking about bed sharing is 'aren't you afraid of rolling over your child?' ok, do you think we'd choose to do this if we thought we'd roll over on our child? another is 'aren't you afraid of sids?' no, in-fact bed sharing decreases the chances of sids.

my mom, for some reason, has a huge beef with me breast-feeding. the only thing i can think of is she's projecting her guilt of not breast-feeding her own kids onto me. she keeps trying, in her own way, to discourage me from breast-feeding no longer than 3-6 months. she tells me there are no benefits, that my boobs will sag, that it's against societal norms....you name it, she says it...of course i come back sometimes with the right info, but most times, i just let her have her say and hope it doesn't come up again...which it inevitably will and someday i know i'll blow a gasket and put her in her place.

see for years she has told me everything wrong that both my sister in laws do with their children. i wouldn't do everything they do...but i don't talk about it because it doesn't matter. every parent does their own thing... and my sisters are amazing moms and they have great kids. so they must be doing something right! but i've heard all about their wrongs for the past 7 years...so i'm just waiting to hear about mine. the difference between my sister in laws and me...is that i'm extremely up front and have no problem sticking up to my mom...this will be a very interesting journey!

another comment i love to get is anything about our choices on vaccines. i laugh at the 'aren't you scared they'll get sick?' comment...again, if we were, do you think we'd make the choices we make? but the last comment i got made me really laugh...when i told someone that we weren't going to get the chickenpox vaccine until later in life, if needed, i was told 'well, i wouldn't tell many people that because if your child spreads chicken pox to someones child, they'll be very angry.' ok...so if you don't have faith in the vaccine working, then why do you get it? you'll be angry at me because my child gave your vaccinated child a normal childhood disease? that's great. that makes perfect sense to me.

any way...i think advice is great, and i love getting advice, but what's hard is the criticism for how we choose to parent. what makes one mother any better than the next? don't we all make the best possible choices for our children with the information we're given and seek out? don't we all want what's best? why are there so many parents who look down on how others parent? where does that pride and judgment come from?

whether you circumcise or not, breast-feed or not, vaccinate or not, spank or not, send your child to daycare or not...you name it, if it's right for your family, do it and don't be ashamed. if it's not right for your family, don't do it. but don't confront someone because your parenting style is different. that's silly...maybe instead of putting someone's choices down, you could learn why they think it's best for their family.

anyway...that's my 2 cents...