mother's day to a mother of a stillborn
when i was telling my mom and my mom-in-law, happy mother's day today, they both said to me...'happy almost mother's day to you'. almost mother's day? i'm not mad. i'm getting really used to the cruel comments and am getting really good at shrugging them off, but to be honest, it also kinda feels like they've forgotten about Jorai. that they've forgotten about my daughter...that i had a daughter...that they had a granddaughter...that i am a mother.
yesterday someone asked my mom what number this grandchild will be for her. she said 5. she didn't count Jorai. of course, i immediately corrected her right in front of the women who asked. and she agreed, that yes, it's actually 6. after she apologized she admitted that it's easier to just say 5. but we were in a group of women who all knew what happened to my daughter. that really bothered me. first my dad chooses to go off fishing instead of being with me as i delivered my child then my brother brushes off my loss with jokes and now my mom starts ignoring the fact that she has 6 grandchildren...she ignores her own granddaughter. it may be easier to say that i never had a mother once my mom dies too, but i'd never do that.
i know this is all new for so many people. it's hard. i understand that. if there's one person who understands, it's me. but what people need to remember is that moms of stillborn children, don't have much to hold onto. they have brief memories of holding their lifeless children. but even those are shaky since it was such a traumatic time. they may have the clothes and blanket that touched their child. maybe footprints and a few pictures...but there's not much more. what we do have is the recognition that we had a child. a child that was so wonderful that they were taken too soon. a child that we'll never meet in this lifetime but one we still love and think of everyday. a child that we only held for a brief moment but will be in our hearts for a lifetime.
we may be moms to a child that doesn't live on this earth, but we're still moms. and as hard as these days may be to some of us, surprisingly today hasn't been rough for me, wishing a woman who has gone through a child loss, a happy mother's day will touch her more than you know...ignoring her or the short life of her child will only bring more hurt.
i want to say thank you to all my friends who have wished me a happy mother's day. it's wonderful to hear and know that though my child is no longer with me physically, i will always be her mother.
to all you beautiful mothers out there, happy mother's day! you all do so much for your families, you're giving and loving and faithful and i love each and every one of you!
yesterday someone asked my mom what number this grandchild will be for her. she said 5. she didn't count Jorai. of course, i immediately corrected her right in front of the women who asked. and she agreed, that yes, it's actually 6. after she apologized she admitted that it's easier to just say 5. but we were in a group of women who all knew what happened to my daughter. that really bothered me. first my dad chooses to go off fishing instead of being with me as i delivered my child then my brother brushes off my loss with jokes and now my mom starts ignoring the fact that she has 6 grandchildren...she ignores her own granddaughter. it may be easier to say that i never had a mother once my mom dies too, but i'd never do that.
i know this is all new for so many people. it's hard. i understand that. if there's one person who understands, it's me. but what people need to remember is that moms of stillborn children, don't have much to hold onto. they have brief memories of holding their lifeless children. but even those are shaky since it was such a traumatic time. they may have the clothes and blanket that touched their child. maybe footprints and a few pictures...but there's not much more. what we do have is the recognition that we had a child. a child that was so wonderful that they were taken too soon. a child that we'll never meet in this lifetime but one we still love and think of everyday. a child that we only held for a brief moment but will be in our hearts for a lifetime.
we may be moms to a child that doesn't live on this earth, but we're still moms. and as hard as these days may be to some of us, surprisingly today hasn't been rough for me, wishing a woman who has gone through a child loss, a happy mother's day will touch her more than you know...ignoring her or the short life of her child will only bring more hurt.
i want to say thank you to all my friends who have wished me a happy mother's day. it's wonderful to hear and know that though my child is no longer with me physically, i will always be her mother.
to all you beautiful mothers out there, happy mother's day! you all do so much for your families, you're giving and loving and faithful and i love each and every one of you!
Comments
When I see Jake playing in the nursery, I often think of Jorai and Jayden and how they should be in playing with Jake. I will always think of them as two of Jake's friends that he never got to met.
thanks so much wendy. you truly are a wonderful friend.