almost time for birthing!

well, i had about 12 hours of feeling semi-normal...now i'm back...or i guess my back pain is back.  it's better, i have to admit that, and my pelvis is better.  but the pain is still there too.  it will be such a relief when i deliver my child and get the weight off.  i remember taking a walk 2 days after delivering Jorai and it was the first time in 7 months where i could breathe and i wasn't waddling and i could walk more than 1/4 of a mile without contracting.  it was nice.  

i just can't wait to stand up without pain.  get outta bed without pain shooting up my back.  and roll over without my pelvis snapping back into place.  that will be nice.  

i've placed a shower curtain on the bed in case my waters break while sleeping.  it sure doesn't make the bed very breathable...i wake up in a sticky, sweaty mess most times...the sheet is all swampy...it's kinda gross...but then i think about amniotic fluid all over our mattress and it makes me think that i made the right decision.

i only have about 2-3 weeks left in this pregnancy.  i thought when we hit the 28 week mark that i would be extra nervous and time would creep by as in the first 2 trimesters, but it was the opposite.  i can't believe the time to bring this child into the world is just around the corner.  i'm 37 weeks...if the dr's are right about how the babe's growing i'm 38 weeks 1 day... it excites me and scares the crap outta me at the same time.  i have no idea of how to be a good mom.   my daughter doesn't live on this earth.  i'm a momma to a baby in heaven.  God's taking care of her...so i never got to learn.  what if i do something wrong or make the wrong decision...although i'm uncomfortable, the babe is safe within me right now...when he/she comes out steve and i'll be responsible!  that's really scary!  i know steve will be amazing.  he's such a natural...but i worry about me. what if i can't comfort my child or breast-feed right?  what if i don't notice something and don't take the babe into the dr. on time...oye...this is a scary adventure we're about to partake.  

please know...you may all be getting lots of frantic calls from me in the coming weeks!!  maybe it is a good thing that my mom is coming to stay with us for a while.  even though we have completely different philosophies about babies, i know she's a wealth of info...if i can just swallow my pride and listen to her!