better dayz

it's amazing what a few hours will do for a mama's emotional turmoil. i hot shower, a brief talk with my amazing husband and a few hours of shut eye and voila! asher's latch on seems to be better, which is a relief! i still have a little discomfort, but i'm not ready to scream when he latches on, and i'm not ready to fall down in a temper tantrum and cry. i know i'll have another breakdown, probably soon...but i just have to remember this feeling and know that the breakdown will pass.

my mom in law is leaving tonight. is it bad of me to say that i can't wait? we haven't been alone since we got into the hospital 13 days ago. and though my folks were a huge help and we got along swimmingly, which is surprising, my mil was mostly interested in holding asher. which didn't help me much at all. so i'm just really excited to get my son back and start figuring things out on my own without having to make breakfast for my mil.

as i write this i realize how wonderful it is that my family doesn't know this blog exists...it helps me get my thoughts and feelings out with holding back...i don't know if that's a good thing or not...and if they ever find this and back read posts, they may get a bit hurt...but it sure feels great to get things off my chest.

the bummer, is that i have to make a separate blog for my family to read up on asher...but it's worth it. a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do...

btw, my little man gained another 1.5 ounces since yesterday! what a big boy! pretty soon this child of ours will be a beefcake!