growth and memorials

one of the presents we got at my baby shower was a tree. i've never gotten a tree as a gift before. my friend said that as the babe grows, the tree will grow. in 20 years it should be 20' tall. kinda cool. we planted it last weekend in the front yard and i love it. every day i look out and see that tree and think about my family's future. our child growing up and the 3 of us as a family. it's so cool.

the same day as we planted the tree i transplanted the clematis i bought in remembrance of Jorai from the back yard to the front. it's now crawling up the side of our house near our front porch. it used to crawl up our wedding bench/trellis, but a tree fell on it and smashed it last summer...so i wanted a better place for it to reside. i like it in such a predominant place.

now i have nature to signify both of my babies in my front yard. i love using nature to symbolize a child. i don't know why. maybe it's the whole growth factor. i do know that with the clematis for Jorai, it's the delicateness of the flowers and how each winter it'll will die only to be reborn in the spring...i just love the symbolism.

so today marks the day we lost Jorai. one year ago i knew something was wrong, but i kept telling myself everything was fine. we're going to do something for her birthday this year, if we're not in the hospital. i'm not sure what, but something. steve and i were talking about it yesterday and i told him how i wanted to do something each year in remembrance. i want to celebrate with a cake in the future, as we would normally do for a child. and i want our future children to be apart of it. i also what to visit the memorial garden that we create, hopefully soon. i know our future children never knew Jorai, never experienced her brief time within me, but i want her to always
be remembered in our house. and i think one way to do that is to celebrate her birth. i know it kinda sounds strange. our daughter was gone when we birthed her. it was a sad day. but that's the only firm date we have really. it makes me happy to celebrate her brief life on earth and now as she parties with Jesus. i love remembering her and keeping her near. i can never be proud of her accomplishments on earth, but i love to image all her work up in heaven. and i know she's right where she needs to be...even though i still get jealous!

Comments

I'm thinking of sweet Jorai today on her angelversary. She's whooping it up with Jesus and Charlie :)

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