jaundice and such

asher has jaundice. bummer. his bilirubin was 10 when we left the hospital which is normal, but it was 22.5 on monday. we had to get a bili-blanket for him which is this ultra-violet light thing he has to have on his back 24/7. it's attached to a machine that makes it run so i have to lug it around every where...but it seems to be working. his bilirubin was down to 20 today and he had only been wearing it for about 17 hours. our doc was nervous about the initial high level so she asked for us to get a cbc and blood culture. she was worried about infection since i was group b strep, but all seems ok.

i had a bit of a meltdown today...scared of the outcome of all of this...but i'm better. i just feel bad for my boy. he continually has to get poked and prodded and i just hate it.

other than that, these past few days have been wonderful. i never thought i could be so in love. asher is a snuggle bunny. he'd rather be held than anything else. when i try to put him in his co-sleeper at night, he cries. as soon as i pick him up and place him on my chest, he falls asleep. so i've spend most nights with my boy asleep on my chest. it feels so wonderful to feel his closeness and warmth. and when he looks at me with those big blue eyes of his, i melt.

i'm tired...he likes to eat and wake momma up in the middle of the night every hour or so, but i have to admit, as tired as i am, i'm loving every second. i know i should be napping more, but i haven't been. feeding is going well. he's been eating like a champ. he's not sure about baths...his circumcision is healing which is a wonderful thing. i know we made the right decision for us, but i was devastated every time i changed his diaper and saw how red and raw he was. poor little punkin'. i'm healing too. still a little tender in parts, but for the most part, i'm doing well. i'm just truly happy and feel blessed and he's just such a joy. such a miracle. i'm truly in love. i want to enjoy and remember every second of this time!