Jorai and asher

i see Jorai in asher. when i look at asher's face i see Jorai's features. it makes me wonder what she would have looked liked if she lived. it makes me wonder what her temperament would have been like. what our lives would have been like if she lived. but then i feel a bit guilty because if she would have lived, my beautiful boy wouldn't be here. and i would never want to change that. it's such a hard thing to be a mama of a child who didn't make it out of the womb alive. you miss the child and want them back, but if they were here, you wouldn't have the blessings you have today.

asher is an awesome baby. totally awesome. i could stare at him for hours, kiss him all day and talk to him all night. i love him with all my heart. it amazing. he's amazing. i wouldn't do anything to not have him here...but i still miss my baby girl too. and looking at my beautiful sons face, i see my beautiful daughter. and that tears at my heart a bit.

but then, i see is my son and feel his warmth and hear his whimpers and all i feel is the deepest love for him.