formula woes
my son has tasted his first 2 oz of formula. i know now how mama animals can smell when man has touched their young. he stinks. it's a cross between warm evaporated cows milk and sugar. his breath has always smelled so wonderful. he has always smelled so wonderful. but right now, it's nauseating. i know it's probably my anger towards the fact that i have to take him off my breast for at least 24 hours and take away what God intended him to eat. let alone, take away our bonding time of mama and babe every 2-3 hours. but he does stink. of course i'd never reject my child as an animal would...but i can see their point. my sweet smelling baby now smells like man made crap.
i hate this. i hate that i have to pump and i hate that he's no longer getting the best nutrition. i hate worrying that he'll reject me after this is done. and i hate losing our closeness every few hours. let alone the difficulty of cleaning the bottle, warming the formula and then pumping and storing my milk. why people would choose to do this, i have no idea. it's hard work. all i normally have to do is whip it out. he cries? i lift up my shirt and voila, lunch is served.
i know i'm being crabby. i'll only have to do this for 24-48 hours, hopefully. but i'm just mad. his bili-rubin jumped up to 16.6. another whole point higher. i don't understand how it can be increasing. the physiology doesn't make sense to me. i just what this to be done. i want him to be healthy. he seems healthy. he doesn't seem like a jaundicy baby. they're suppose to lethargic and not want to eat. he has tons of energy and loves to eat. it just doesn't make sense to me. but what ever. i'll give him this crap for formula and we'll see how things go. i just hope he doesn't reject me tomorrow or friday when this is done. that's one of my biggest fears, that i'll have to give up breastfeeding and give my child formula.
i hate this. i hate that i have to pump and i hate that he's no longer getting the best nutrition. i hate worrying that he'll reject me after this is done. and i hate losing our closeness every few hours. let alone the difficulty of cleaning the bottle, warming the formula and then pumping and storing my milk. why people would choose to do this, i have no idea. it's hard work. all i normally have to do is whip it out. he cries? i lift up my shirt and voila, lunch is served.
i know i'm being crabby. i'll only have to do this for 24-48 hours, hopefully. but i'm just mad. his bili-rubin jumped up to 16.6. another whole point higher. i don't understand how it can be increasing. the physiology doesn't make sense to me. i just what this to be done. i want him to be healthy. he seems healthy. he doesn't seem like a jaundicy baby. they're suppose to lethargic and not want to eat. he has tons of energy and loves to eat. it just doesn't make sense to me. but what ever. i'll give him this crap for formula and we'll see how things go. i just hope he doesn't reject me tomorrow or friday when this is done. that's one of my biggest fears, that i'll have to give up breastfeeding and give my child formula.
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