weight irony
i'm about 4 pounds from my last pre-pregnancy weight. the strange thing is that i look a lot heavier and nothing fits. how can 4 pounds make my pants not even budge past my butt or hips? not even the clothes i bought after losing Jorai fit. well, my jeans pretty much fit, but it's not really jean weather. other than my jeans, i can wear 4 of my skirts and a pair of sweat material capris. that's it. i refuse to buy clothes, because i want to fit into my old ones. but if my body doesn't start changing soon, i might have to.
i want to lose weight and get my body back to about 3 years ago. at least. asher and i try to get out at least once a day on a walk. but other than that, i haven't been exercising. i've been so exhausted. i need to do more, but i also need to remember that i'm only 6 weeks post delivery so i need to relax too. and i think getting to within 4 pounds of my last pre-pregnancy weight in this time frame is pretty good...but i wish it were more. i feel frumpy and saggy and i hate seeing pictures of myself. isn't that sad?!? i shouldn't be concerned about my weight right now. it took 2 pregnancies and 17 months to gain the weight, i should be a bit more patient...but i think the not fitting into anything is getting to me. i don't feel very sexy.
on the flip side, i feel beautiful. i think it's beautiful that i can feed my son...just me. i can feed him any where at any time. just me. and i delivered him. so the stretch marks and saggy skin is a reflection of that. when i look at it, i think of him. i realize that my body needed to stretch to fit him. he is the prize that i won from playing the stretch mark challenge. he's the reward to my baby back race.
so yeah, i feel beautiful, but definitely not sexy. i feel blessed but frustrated about my body. i know it's wrong to feel selfish about my appearance. i need to let it go. i need to work slowly at getting back into my clothes, not rush it, and just enjoy this time...but it sure is hard. i want my cute little body back.
i want to lose weight and get my body back to about 3 years ago. at least. asher and i try to get out at least once a day on a walk. but other than that, i haven't been exercising. i've been so exhausted. i need to do more, but i also need to remember that i'm only 6 weeks post delivery so i need to relax too. and i think getting to within 4 pounds of my last pre-pregnancy weight in this time frame is pretty good...but i wish it were more. i feel frumpy and saggy and i hate seeing pictures of myself. isn't that sad?!? i shouldn't be concerned about my weight right now. it took 2 pregnancies and 17 months to gain the weight, i should be a bit more patient...but i think the not fitting into anything is getting to me. i don't feel very sexy.
on the flip side, i feel beautiful. i think it's beautiful that i can feed my son...just me. i can feed him any where at any time. just me. and i delivered him. so the stretch marks and saggy skin is a reflection of that. when i look at it, i think of him. i realize that my body needed to stretch to fit him. he is the prize that i won from playing the stretch mark challenge. he's the reward to my baby back race.
so yeah, i feel beautiful, but definitely not sexy. i feel blessed but frustrated about my body. i know it's wrong to feel selfish about my appearance. i need to let it go. i need to work slowly at getting back into my clothes, not rush it, and just enjoy this time...but it sure is hard. i want my cute little body back.
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