my big boy

the past few days i've noticed a change in asher. he's growing up. he's starting to get really good at being alone. of course he still looks for us and wants us near, but he's starting to self soothe and he's ok playing with himself. i can even put him to sleep awake and he'll fall asleep on his own. when he wakes, he's content at just looking around at his surroundings. it's not an instant cry when he wakes. and if i need to do something, he;s fine playing alone on his activity mat or just sitting in his vibe chair. he laughs at things on his own. it's so cool

he's also starting to get mad if we're not paying attention to him when he wants to show us something...but as soon as we look his way, he's a bowl of laughs. it's like he's saying, 'hey guys!! check out what i can do!...hello..look over here please!'

i never knew that parenting would be so rewarding yet so guilt ridden as well... yesterday he had his first freak out that i couldn't control. i tried to rock him, nurse him, take him outside, stand and sway him, shush him...nothing worked. and then a friend picked him up and he immediately stopped and fell asleep. i was grateful, but the guilt hit...as if i couldn't console my child but other people could. which i know is silly. sometimes they just need a change of scenery...but it still tugged a bit. i need to let it go.

he's just changing so much. he's getting so big and intelligent. he's his own little person, not just a little eater and pooper and sleeper...he's funny and smart and so cool.

i love being a mama to a earthly baby.