an outing

i led girls only last night. usually i bring asher with me to the meeting, but since i gave the message, i didn't want to be taking care of him and concentrating on my message at the same time. so i left him home with steve. for 2 1/2 hours. alone. no mama.

this was the first extended time i've left him. it was hard at first...and then it was ok. he was fine of course. it was wonderful to get home and nurse him though. not only to relieve the tata pressure, but also just to have the closeness with my son.

i can't completely describe the joy of breast feeding. the bond you create with your child, the closeness. i just love it. i love the fact that he wants my undivided attention. i love hearing his little grunts and swallows. i love that he sticks his hand down my cleavage or places an open hand on my chest or throat and he wraps his other hand around my ribcage as if holding on for dear life. i love the way his breath smells as he nuzzles into my neck when he's full or the warmth of his little body if he falls asleep while nursing. i love knowing that i'm giving him all his nutrition. i love knowing that i always have the one thing he loves most.

it was nice to be away for a few hours...but it was really nice to get back home to my boy(s). maybe we'll find a sitter for our anniversary in september...i know we need to get some alone time...it's just hard for me to be away from my son...i just can't get enough of him. maybe it's because we lost Jorai...maybe it's not...i just know that right now, i love spending all of day with him. i just can't think of anything cooler than being a parent.